You'll never see the end of the road while you're travelling with me
Dear tenna,
Please stop doing these survey things that compel me to fill them out!
1: Are you in love?
Depends on your definition of "in love". Some people will only use the phrase for "This person is my other half and I want to marry them and live together forever and there'll never be anyone else" love. I don't love anybody in that way and I never will again - but my personal definition of "in love" is a lot broader; it encompasses non-sexual relationships, non-exclusive relationships, people I would only share living accomodation with if forced at gunpoint, people I never meet in the flesh and my dog. If I feel a little rush of joy at the sight of a person, the sound of their voice on the phone, or their screen name appearing, then I'll count it as being in love. Because there's never enough love in the world. And, by that definition, yes, I am in love.
2: If yes, with whom?
A Border Collie and a ...let's call it a disembodied brain. And possibly a man in Georgia I haven't heard from in over a year.
3: What are the 3 most important things you look for in a partner?
A lively, capable brain, the ability to take pleasure in playing with that brain, and the patience to put up with me.
4: What are the 3 'deal breakers'?
Wilful ignorance, closed-mindedness, taking life too seriously.
5: In a relationship, are you monogamous?
If the relationship is a physical, sexual one, and the other person's sex drive is a good match for mine, I'll revert to monogamy from sheer laziness - but I will insist on my options being left open. I won't have monogamy forced on me, and I wouldn't enter into a sexual relationship with a person for whom it was a dealbreaker.
6: If no, why? If yes, why?
I don't deal well with restrictions and conditions; and sometimes I want to do spontaneous sex with strangers.
7: How many times have you been in love?
Too many to count.
8: Do you think true love lasts forever?
Some loves last forever. Some don't. I have had one great, forever, love in my life, one that no other love will ever approach in degree and intensity. Does that make every other love not "true"? I don't believe so. When you can't walk, you crawl... you know the rest.
9: If yes, does that make you rethink your answer to Question #7?
No.
10: What is the best relationship you ever had? why?
...You'll be expecting me to say John here; and yet, I won't. Our relationship, while it was the biggest and most important of both our lives, was often difficult, often painful and carried within it the seeds of its own destruction. In terms of joy:pain ratio, I think Spike may have the edge.
11: What is the worst relationship you ever had?
I'm not sure I've ever had any really bad ones. Neither of the first two were anything very special, but they couldn't be called bad - just rather immature non-starters.
12: What 3 physical traits do you most admire in a partner?
Um. I like strong bones and good skin and wide sensual mouths and thick glossy hair; but truthfully, what I might admire about a person's body varies according to the person. If I like you, I'll admire your three best qualities, whatever the hell they happen to be.
Oh, and bellies. I have a thing for bellies. They don't need to be flat, hard bellies, especially on women. On men I especially like that stripe of hair that goes down the belly.
13: What are 3 physical turn offs?
What would probably turn me off most, from the sheer intimidation/self esteem factor, would be someone with a perfect, trim, taut, impossibly groomed body. Maybe not so much with a man; with a woman it would certainly beat my own self-esteem too low for my sexuality to cut in at all.
14: Do you think physical appearance is important?
Not particularly.
15: Do you generally date people more or less attractive than yourself?
The question doesn't make enough sense to be answerable. It presupposes "attractiveness" to be some manner of objectively-measurable thing. I'm attracted to people that make some of my friends go "EWWW" and vice versa. People's attraction or non-attraction to me is equally subjective and variable. Which is better, Tuesday, cheese or the sound of rain? Besides, I don't date.
16: Are you romantic?
I view romanticism as a delusion, a recipe for disappointment and eventual bitterness. That doesn't stop me succumbing on occasion, but I try and keep it to a minimum.
17: What is the most romantic thing another person has done for you?
Trusted me.
18: Are you a jealous person?
I try very hard not to be. I nearly always succeed.
19: How do you feel about jealousy in a partner?
I have no idea. The closest I've ever come to experiencing it is seeing my two dogs snarl at each other over who gets to sit closest to me. I've never had a human act jealously or possessively towards me. On my good days I like to think it's because I'm trusted. On my bad days I assume it's because no one's ever cared quite enough.
20: How important is sex in a relationship?
It's important that all parties in a relationship have the same expectations about sex - whether those expectations are "there's never going to be any" or "we're never going to get out of bed again", there needs to be accord.
21: How important is sex outside a relationship?
To me personally? Very.
22: Do you generally date people who like more or less sex than you do?
...I tend to skip the "dating" part and just do sex with other people who want sex.
23: How important is money?
It's slightly important; a relationship is easier when you can afford to go and see each other, can afford to not be living with your parents, and so on. I wouldn't call it vital.
24: Do you generally date people with more or less money than you?
I'm coming up against the "I don't date" thing again.
25: What is one thing you can't resist in the opposite/same sex?
I can't resist someone who wants me.
26: What is your best (non physical) feature?
I believe it to be my ability to empathise. And perhaps my low-maintenanceness. I don't require much from people I love other than their presence and a certain amount of their attention.
27: What is your best physical feature?
I'm fondest of my eyes.
28: Do you prefer being single or in a relationship?
Single.
29: Do you play games to attract a partner?
Only minor, non-destructive ones.
30: Have you ever lied to keep a person interested?
No. Though I've been known to exaggerate a little at times.
31: Have you ever said I love you and not meant it?
No.
32: Have you ever said I don't love you and not meant it?
No.
33: Have you ever been cheated on?
Not really. I've had painful moments when someone I loved was with someone else (with my prior knowledge and agreement), or simply paying more attention to someone else, but I've never been betrayed or lied to in the sense meant by the question.
34: If yes did your partner tell you, or did you find out another way?
N/A
35: Do you believe love can survive infidelity?
Yes, if not always.
36: If yes, why? If no, why?
Sometimes forgiveness comes easier than doing without someone. Sometimes not. Depends on the individuals involved.
37: Have you ever loved more than one person at the same time?
Often.
38: Has more than one person ever been in love with you at the same time?
I highly doubt it. As far as I know only one human person and one Border Collie have ever been in love with me at all. And one died before the other was born.
39: Have you ever been in love with a person and not told them?
...I rarely come out and say it in so many words, because of the default assumption that "in love" means "commitment and monogamous sex and forever and coupleness". It scares people off, or makes them think I'm a freak. But I think I'm pretty damn bloody obvious about it all the same.
40: Do you think sex is better if you are in love, or not in love?
It does add an extra dimension. I could equally well see that extra dimension making it worse, with expectations and nerves and disappointment; that hasn't been my experience, though.
41: Have you ever been in love with a person you couldn't have?
Hah. Six times before breakfast, most days.
42: Have you ever had sex with a person while they were dating/married to someone else?
Yes.
43: Do you consider yourself attractive?
Moderately.
44: Do you consider yourself to be sexually skilled?
Yes.
45: What is the best sex you ever had, why?
...Do you seriously expect me to look back over twenty-four years of glorious, highly varied shags and pick one?
46: What is the worst sex you ever had, why?
Oh, lord. When I was seventeen I gave in to someone who was trailing after me like a puppy, unable to get his head round the fact that I wasn't remotely interested. It was a bit like throwing a treat to an incessantly-whining dog because you'll do anything, anything to get the damn thing to SHUT UP WHINING. It was excruciating. I think I was reading a magazine over his shoulder, and I'm not sure he even got it in. I'm deeply ashamed of my part in it to this day.
47: Have you ever been the best sex someone else had?
I'm pretty damn sure I have, yes. XD
48: Do you consider your sex drive to be low or high?
Usually high, if I'm not having a depressive spell.
49: Do you feel your life is incomplete if you aren't in love?
No. But then, I believe any life that hasn't ended to be incomplete by definition.
50: Do you think love is blind?
Not blind, no, but it has mercifully blurred vision and wears rose-coloured glasses.
Please stop doing these survey things that compel me to fill them out!
1: Are you in love?
Depends on your definition of "in love". Some people will only use the phrase for "This person is my other half and I want to marry them and live together forever and there'll never be anyone else" love. I don't love anybody in that way and I never will again - but my personal definition of "in love" is a lot broader; it encompasses non-sexual relationships, non-exclusive relationships, people I would only share living accomodation with if forced at gunpoint, people I never meet in the flesh and my dog. If I feel a little rush of joy at the sight of a person, the sound of their voice on the phone, or their screen name appearing, then I'll count it as being in love. Because there's never enough love in the world. And, by that definition, yes, I am in love.
2: If yes, with whom?
A Border Collie and a ...let's call it a disembodied brain. And possibly a man in Georgia I haven't heard from in over a year.
3: What are the 3 most important things you look for in a partner?
A lively, capable brain, the ability to take pleasure in playing with that brain, and the patience to put up with me.
4: What are the 3 'deal breakers'?
Wilful ignorance, closed-mindedness, taking life too seriously.
5: In a relationship, are you monogamous?
If the relationship is a physical, sexual one, and the other person's sex drive is a good match for mine, I'll revert to monogamy from sheer laziness - but I will insist on my options being left open. I won't have monogamy forced on me, and I wouldn't enter into a sexual relationship with a person for whom it was a dealbreaker.
6: If no, why? If yes, why?
I don't deal well with restrictions and conditions; and sometimes I want to do spontaneous sex with strangers.
7: How many times have you been in love?
Too many to count.
8: Do you think true love lasts forever?
Some loves last forever. Some don't. I have had one great, forever, love in my life, one that no other love will ever approach in degree and intensity. Does that make every other love not "true"? I don't believe so. When you can't walk, you crawl... you know the rest.
9: If yes, does that make you rethink your answer to Question #7?
No.
10: What is the best relationship you ever had? why?
...You'll be expecting me to say John here; and yet, I won't. Our relationship, while it was the biggest and most important of both our lives, was often difficult, often painful and carried within it the seeds of its own destruction. In terms of joy:pain ratio, I think Spike may have the edge.
11: What is the worst relationship you ever had?
I'm not sure I've ever had any really bad ones. Neither of the first two were anything very special, but they couldn't be called bad - just rather immature non-starters.
12: What 3 physical traits do you most admire in a partner?
Um. I like strong bones and good skin and wide sensual mouths and thick glossy hair; but truthfully, what I might admire about a person's body varies according to the person. If I like you, I'll admire your three best qualities, whatever the hell they happen to be.
Oh, and bellies. I have a thing for bellies. They don't need to be flat, hard bellies, especially on women. On men I especially like that stripe of hair that goes down the belly.
13: What are 3 physical turn offs?
What would probably turn me off most, from the sheer intimidation/self esteem factor, would be someone with a perfect, trim, taut, impossibly groomed body. Maybe not so much with a man; with a woman it would certainly beat my own self-esteem too low for my sexuality to cut in at all.
14: Do you think physical appearance is important?
Not particularly.
15: Do you generally date people more or less attractive than yourself?
The question doesn't make enough sense to be answerable. It presupposes "attractiveness" to be some manner of objectively-measurable thing. I'm attracted to people that make some of my friends go "EWWW" and vice versa. People's attraction or non-attraction to me is equally subjective and variable. Which is better, Tuesday, cheese or the sound of rain? Besides, I don't date.
16: Are you romantic?
I view romanticism as a delusion, a recipe for disappointment and eventual bitterness. That doesn't stop me succumbing on occasion, but I try and keep it to a minimum.
17: What is the most romantic thing another person has done for you?
Trusted me.
18: Are you a jealous person?
I try very hard not to be. I nearly always succeed.
19: How do you feel about jealousy in a partner?
I have no idea. The closest I've ever come to experiencing it is seeing my two dogs snarl at each other over who gets to sit closest to me. I've never had a human act jealously or possessively towards me. On my good days I like to think it's because I'm trusted. On my bad days I assume it's because no one's ever cared quite enough.
20: How important is sex in a relationship?
It's important that all parties in a relationship have the same expectations about sex - whether those expectations are "there's never going to be any" or "we're never going to get out of bed again", there needs to be accord.
21: How important is sex outside a relationship?
To me personally? Very.
22: Do you generally date people who like more or less sex than you do?
...I tend to skip the "dating" part and just do sex with other people who want sex.
23: How important is money?
It's slightly important; a relationship is easier when you can afford to go and see each other, can afford to not be living with your parents, and so on. I wouldn't call it vital.
24: Do you generally date people with more or less money than you?
I'm coming up against the "I don't date" thing again.
25: What is one thing you can't resist in the opposite/same sex?
I can't resist someone who wants me.
26: What is your best (non physical) feature?
I believe it to be my ability to empathise. And perhaps my low-maintenanceness. I don't require much from people I love other than their presence and a certain amount of their attention.
27: What is your best physical feature?
I'm fondest of my eyes.
28: Do you prefer being single or in a relationship?
Single.
29: Do you play games to attract a partner?
Only minor, non-destructive ones.
30: Have you ever lied to keep a person interested?
No. Though I've been known to exaggerate a little at times.
31: Have you ever said I love you and not meant it?
No.
32: Have you ever said I don't love you and not meant it?
No.
33: Have you ever been cheated on?
Not really. I've had painful moments when someone I loved was with someone else (with my prior knowledge and agreement), or simply paying more attention to someone else, but I've never been betrayed or lied to in the sense meant by the question.
34: If yes did your partner tell you, or did you find out another way?
N/A
35: Do you believe love can survive infidelity?
Yes, if not always.
36: If yes, why? If no, why?
Sometimes forgiveness comes easier than doing without someone. Sometimes not. Depends on the individuals involved.
37: Have you ever loved more than one person at the same time?
Often.
38: Has more than one person ever been in love with you at the same time?
I highly doubt it. As far as I know only one human person and one Border Collie have ever been in love with me at all. And one died before the other was born.
39: Have you ever been in love with a person and not told them?
...I rarely come out and say it in so many words, because of the default assumption that "in love" means "commitment and monogamous sex and forever and coupleness". It scares people off, or makes them think I'm a freak. But I think I'm pretty damn bloody obvious about it all the same.
40: Do you think sex is better if you are in love, or not in love?
It does add an extra dimension. I could equally well see that extra dimension making it worse, with expectations and nerves and disappointment; that hasn't been my experience, though.
41: Have you ever been in love with a person you couldn't have?
Hah. Six times before breakfast, most days.
42: Have you ever had sex with a person while they were dating/married to someone else?
Yes.
43: Do you consider yourself attractive?
Moderately.
44: Do you consider yourself to be sexually skilled?
Yes.
45: What is the best sex you ever had, why?
...Do you seriously expect me to look back over twenty-four years of glorious, highly varied shags and pick one?
46: What is the worst sex you ever had, why?
Oh, lord. When I was seventeen I gave in to someone who was trailing after me like a puppy, unable to get his head round the fact that I wasn't remotely interested. It was a bit like throwing a treat to an incessantly-whining dog because you'll do anything, anything to get the damn thing to SHUT UP WHINING. It was excruciating. I think I was reading a magazine over his shoulder, and I'm not sure he even got it in. I'm deeply ashamed of my part in it to this day.
47: Have you ever been the best sex someone else had?
I'm pretty damn sure I have, yes. XD
48: Do you consider your sex drive to be low or high?
Usually high, if I'm not having a depressive spell.
49: Do you feel your life is incomplete if you aren't in love?
No. But then, I believe any life that hasn't ended to be incomplete by definition.
50: Do you think love is blind?
Not blind, no, but it has mercifully blurred vision and wears rose-coloured glasses.