I have to agree with jpublic. In fact...man, I feel like a heel for saying this...the one criticism, that I've never really voiced, because in the end I really do like and respect you, Liz, at least I hope you know that, but as a fanfiction writer, your greatest weakness is that you make a great newspaper reporter. There are times you show us action...and then there are times when you bring the story to a halt and bring us the Dread Chapter(s) Exposition. Your Africander story, with the Watcher-cum-Slayer and her first-person-view, is a lot like this one: Nominally new character in introduced, is somehow involved in the world of the Scoobies, gets roped into it more directly by circumstances completely out of his/her control, and the whole time there's gobs of behind-the-scenes information that he/she doesn't know, but somebody else does. We the audience don't know it, either, but instead of learning it along with the POV character as they learn or discover it for themselves, eventually the POV character is sat down somewhere by a more established character and is told all this extra information. In huge, (multi)-chapter-long, blocks of exposition. Sometimes, that information would make for one hell of an interesting fic, as jpublic said.
I remember something you said once while you were writing/posting one of your earlier BtVS-fanfics. The one with the slayer-team from the future, in response to an unfortunate challenge on the XZ. That that fic wasn't really about shipping, or saving the future, or other stuff, but that what it was really about was information; how it's stored, recorded, shared, transmitted, received, and interpretted. That's what puts me in mind of your former days as a newspaper reporter. I get the feeling that as a fanfiction writer, and maybe as an eventual original fiction writer, you're more interested in playing with information than in telling a story. Like you're putting a journalist's sense of detachement into the telling of the story rather than letting the story (and the characters and audience) unfold on its own.
Oh, man. That wasn't succinct at all. And I sound a lot more critical than I intend. Liz, I don't want you to think I hate this story, or you as a writer. I think you're a fantastic writer, and not just fanfiction, but your meta commentary, your current events posts, your music reviews, and more. I'm not trying to be overly critical, or mean, or harsh. Jpublic's post just...well, touched on something I've thought of before but was reluctant to articulate.
In some cases, I'd agree with both your criticism. But in the case of this particular story, I don't.
Because it made sense from a character standpoint.
And it's time to at least partially pay off the whole thing for the readers.
Lemme explain:
I've just gone through 100 pages (yes, 100 pages have posted - the story itself is roughtly 155 to 175 pages - to give you an idea just how short this really is) with people demanding to know what's going on. I've had people insisting that somehow Xander was "forced" into this role, and not even willing to consider that maybe there are reasons that Xander would actually do it of his own free will. I've had people insisting that they want to know the full story now. I've had people insisting that the story does not make any sense at all.
This has been the majority, by the way.
Hell, I still have people insisting (after all that information up there in this very post) that somehow Xander was "forced" into this without any regard to his feelings at all. Seriously.
The fact is: At some point you have to pay it off, not just for the reader, but also for Alex. Keep in mind, Alex just went into open rebellion against Spike over this very issue. Prior to this point, Alex hasn't stood up to Spike once, not even when he was convinced that Spike was about to kill him.
It simply wouldn't be believable (at all) if Alex was kept completely in the dark. Because temporary cowing by Spike's threat or not, sooner or later Alex is going to rebel again. Since Xander has to be in L.A. at any cost, there's no good reason why Spike has to make it hard for himself. Tell "Alex" something resembling the truth to get him to go along and make life easier.
The fact is, Spike has to tell Alex something resembling the truth (and if you're assuming that Spike has the whole truth, boy are you guys very wrong), especially since Giles is sending help. That help is going to know the same basic story and someone, somewhere is going to slip. If Alex knows nothing, that slip is going to raise Alex's antennae. If Alex at least knows "something" it'll blow by Alex completely.
In short, by telling Alex, "Hey, here's the truth...here's why you got trapped in this..." Spike's basically covered everyone's tracks and has fed Alex just enough information that he won't start digging in his heels again.
So, in short, in some stories I'd agree with your FB, but I argue (very ardently in this case) in this particular instance and for this particular story it's misplaced.
Actually, the story was originally constructed along those lines (i.e., this part didn't exist and it was told via flashback from Xander's pov).
One small problem.
It didn't work.
Think about this from a story construction standpoint for a second: You start with Story A (Alex's daily life rundown as told from his pov). Switch to Story B (Xander, full marbles, getting off the airplane after receiving a desperate call to get home as told from his pov). Then you switch back-and-forth like that for the length of the story itself.
The overall effect was confusing and the narrative was a huge a mess. On the one hand, you have a fairly straightforward (and uninteresting) narrative with elements that haven't even come out yet in the story as it's currently being presented. On the other, you have a deliberately disorienting narrative told from the pov of Alex, a total innocent.
Trying to make it work along the lines you proposed (which I actually did) is a large part of the reason why the first 35 pages took two years to write.
The simple fact is this: the written word =/= film. Your proposal would work in a filmed medium and would work well. This is a written narrative and I can honestly say that after two years of trying to make it work that it just doesn't work at all.
What's here is a rather difficult piece to write (I'm not whining, mind you since I did this to myself...no one asked me to do it) as it is.
I not only have an unreliable narrator, I also have an unreliable narrator who not only doesn't "know" the first thing about the world Xander inhabits, but he's also an unreliable narrator who does have the mental capacity to fully understand Xander's world.
Add on top of that factor this other factor: I'm not a Spike writer (which you know). So my in-story "reality check" is, essentially, a character I'm not comfortable writing to begin with.
The third factor is this: the actual narrative of "How the heck did Xander get here?" (as someone else pointed out) actually isn't all that interesting as a stand-alone piece. It wasn't even that interesting as a flashback. All it basically did was bloat the story more than it needed to while having the bad luck of actually detracting from the overall story arc.
The only way to deal with it was to jettison it completely.
Ok, so there's a fair bit of talking heads in this chapter, and if you were filming it, you'd need to bring some action in (cue visual of Sir Wanksalot slaying the dragon with voice-over), but I think the structure works very well, not just from the point of view of Alex/Xander's character, but in terms of developing Spike. I love that we get to watch Spike discover that maybe he thinks more of Xander than he ever realized. If this were being filmed, that would be the gem: watching Spike's face as he makes that discovery. And you know James Marsters would nail it.
Then on top of that, we get the delicious irony of Spike acknowledging Xander's strengths in a way that would shock Xander, were he in a position to understand the compliment.
I was pleased to get some background at this point - I'm prepared to wander in the wilderness with the clueless POV character for a while, but at some point, I want to have a couple of clues to put together, and this was the right time for it. Even if the information may turn out to be less than accurate as the story progresses, it gives me something to be going on with.
Love the fic, keep up the good work, can't wait to see where you take it.
I remember something you said once while you were writing/posting one of your earlier BtVS-fanfics. The one with the slayer-team from the future, in response to an unfortunate challenge on the XZ. That that fic wasn't really about shipping, or saving the future, or other stuff, but that what it was really about was information; how it's stored, recorded, shared, transmitted, received, and interpretted. That's what puts me in mind of your former days as a newspaper reporter. I get the feeling that as a fanfiction writer, and maybe as an eventual original fiction writer, you're more interested in playing with information than in telling a story. Like you're putting a journalist's sense of detachement into the telling of the story rather than letting the story (and the characters and audience) unfold on its own.
Oh, man. That wasn't succinct at all. And I sound a lot more critical than I intend. Liz, I don't want you to think I hate this story, or you as a writer. I think you're a fantastic writer, and not just fanfiction, but your meta commentary, your current events posts, your music reviews, and more. I'm not trying to be overly critical, or mean, or harsh. Jpublic's post just...well, touched on something I've thought of before but was reluctant to articulate.
Make of it what you will. I'll shut up now.
Reply
Because it made sense from a character standpoint.
And it's time to at least partially pay off the whole thing for the readers.
Lemme explain:
I've just gone through 100 pages (yes, 100 pages have posted - the story itself is roughtly 155 to 175 pages - to give you an idea just how short this really is) with people demanding to know what's going on. I've had people insisting that somehow Xander was "forced" into this role, and not even willing to consider that maybe there are reasons that Xander would actually do it of his own free will. I've had people insisting that they want to know the full story now. I've had people insisting that the story does not make any sense at all.
This has been the majority, by the way.
Hell, I still have people insisting (after all that information up there in this very post) that somehow Xander was "forced" into this without any regard to his feelings at all. Seriously.
The fact is: At some point you have to pay it off, not just for the reader, but also for Alex. Keep in mind, Alex just went into open rebellion against Spike over this very issue. Prior to this point, Alex hasn't stood up to Spike once, not even when he was convinced that Spike was about to kill him.
It simply wouldn't be believable (at all) if Alex was kept completely in the dark. Because temporary cowing by Spike's threat or not, sooner or later Alex is going to rebel again. Since Xander has to be in L.A. at any cost, there's no good reason why Spike has to make it hard for himself. Tell "Alex" something resembling the truth to get him to go along and make life easier.
The fact is, Spike has to tell Alex something resembling the truth (and if you're assuming that Spike has the whole truth, boy are you guys very wrong), especially since Giles is sending help. That help is going to know the same basic story and someone, somewhere is going to slip. If Alex knows nothing, that slip is going to raise Alex's antennae. If Alex at least knows "something" it'll blow by Alex completely.
In short, by telling Alex, "Hey, here's the truth...here's why you got trapped in this..." Spike's basically covered everyone's tracks and has fed Alex just enough information that he won't start digging in his heels again.
So, in short, in some stories I'd agree with your FB, but I argue (very ardently in this case) in this particular instance and for this particular story it's misplaced.
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(The comment has been removed)
One small problem.
It didn't work.
Think about this from a story construction standpoint for a second: You start with Story A (Alex's daily life rundown as told from his pov). Switch to Story B (Xander, full marbles, getting off the airplane after receiving a desperate call to get home as told from his pov). Then you switch back-and-forth like that for the length of the story itself.
The overall effect was confusing and the narrative was a huge a mess. On the one hand, you have a fairly straightforward (and uninteresting) narrative with elements that haven't even come out yet in the story as it's currently being presented. On the other, you have a deliberately disorienting narrative told from the pov of Alex, a total innocent.
Trying to make it work along the lines you proposed (which I actually did) is a large part of the reason why the first 35 pages took two years to write.
The simple fact is this: the written word =/= film. Your proposal would work in a filmed medium and would work well. This is a written narrative and I can honestly say that after two years of trying to make it work that it just doesn't work at all.
What's here is a rather difficult piece to write (I'm not whining, mind you since I did this to myself...no one asked me to do it) as it is.
I not only have an unreliable narrator, I also have an unreliable narrator who not only doesn't "know" the first thing about the world Xander inhabits, but he's also an unreliable narrator who does have the mental capacity to fully understand Xander's world.
Add on top of that factor this other factor: I'm not a Spike writer (which you know). So my in-story "reality check" is, essentially, a character I'm not comfortable writing to begin with.
The third factor is this: the actual narrative of "How the heck did Xander get here?" (as someone else pointed out) actually isn't all that interesting as a stand-alone piece. It wasn't even that interesting as a flashback. All it basically did was bloat the story more than it needed to while having the bad luck of actually detracting from the overall story arc.
The only way to deal with it was to jettison it completely.
Reply
Then on top of that, we get the delicious irony of Spike acknowledging Xander's strengths in a way that would shock Xander, were he in a position to understand the compliment.
I was pleased to get some background at this point - I'm prepared to wander in the wilderness with the clueless POV character for a while, but at some point, I want to have a couple of clues to put together, and this was the right time for it. Even if the information may turn out to be less than accurate as the story progresses, it gives me something to be going on with.
Love the fic, keep up the good work, can't wait to see where you take it.
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