Upon Further Reflection - 5x03 - The Quarterback
You will be shocked, simply shocked I say, to find that I have more to say about “The Quarterback.”
First and foremost, I am so glad they gave so much of this story to Kurt. I think it was 100% the right decision, which doesn't mean it was a given that they'd do it. The only other logical choice as primary mourner would have been Rachel, but they couldn't give more to her than they did. It would have been cruel to put that much on her shoulders (Rachel's OR Lea's). And having her come in at the end made it all the more meaningful and heartbreaking.
Other characters had connections with Finn, certainly, but Kurt was his brother. Their relationship over the seasons they had together had so much growth, and one of the saddest parts of Finn's loss, to me, is that we won't get to see it again. Even if they were never going to totally "get" each other, they both respected each other and would have defended one another to the bitter end.
Kurt was the right one to lead us all through this, both his classmates and us as the audience. Kurt has known grief before. It doesn't make it hurt less, but he has been down parts of this road. He has shown us time and time again how strong he is. He isn't hiding his sadness, not really. I don't believe he's bottling it up and denying it. He's stoic, but he doesn't pretend he's not hurting. He has the strength to stand up and walk with it, and to lead the rest of us through it.
And, of course, nobody can let us into the character's heart with a shift of his jaw like Chris Colfer. I'm sure this was hard for all of them to film, but Chris had some really REALLY big stuff to do. His performance was a gift for all of us. I don’t mind that he didn’t get his own song to say goodbye. He did a lot of really hard work, and said his own goodbyes, without being able to use music and lyrics to help him along.
As for some of the choices the writers made in how to structure this episode, I think they did about as good a job as they possibly could have done in this situation. I am particularly grateful for what they did with the timing. I’m glad they didn’t show everyone finding out. Not only would it have been cruel to make the cast and crew revisit that terrible experience, but then they would have been stuck in the immediate shock and horror of his death. Having us pick up with them a few weeks later not only takes the raw edge off by just a little bit, it also lets us see a wider range of how different characters are dealing with their grief. And I have to hope for the sake of the actors that it made it just a touch easier to film - that they could sink into their character’s reaction, instead of simply having their own.
I’m glad they didn’t come up with a reason for his death. I suppose a part of me is curious, but Kurt was right: it doesn’t even matter. And if they had chosen a cause of death, whether it be related to Cory’s death or not, the episode would have turned into a morality play. Just one more Very Special Episode of Glee. In choosing not to name that detail, the hour simply was about loss and grief, how it looks different for everyone, and how life moves forward whether you want it to or not.
Speaking of how people deal with loss and grief, I was initially shocked at the fact that my beloved Blaine Warbler had not one single spoken line, not one featured verse of a song. Given the amount of screen time he had in Season 4, and even in the first two episodes of Season 5, that is somewhat shocking. When Blaine was voted “The New Rachel,” that was no joke. He seemed to have a big song and a big moment in nearly every single episode of Season 4, much in the same way that Rachel did for the first 2-3 seasons. So to have him almost completely silent for the entire episode is something worth noting.
I realized that it reminds me of Blaine’s reaction during the choir room sequence of “Shooting Star.” He shuts down and basically says and does nothing. So that got me thinking about how Blaine handles stress, or specifically in this case, grief. Even more specifically, since that’s all we see, how he publicly handles grief.
Public Blaine is manners and leadership by consensus and decorum. He is a Dalton man. He wouldn’t break down in public. He will be present for his friends and soberly do what is required. He's a great guy to have around when someone else is struggling. But this loss has hit him so hard, he simply has no idea what to do with himself. He still won't make a spectacle of himself, but he can barely function beyond a basic show of respect and manners. He has no energy for leadership, no energy for performance. He isn't numb, but in a way it's like he's in shock.
And, of course, I can't put away my Klaine goggles forever. Obviously I noticed that, for the vast majority of the episode, they not only didn't sit together, but didn't seem to interact in any way. Look, I don't need them to be attached at the hip every single moment. Each of them is his own man. I guess I just think of them as having a hard time being apart so much of the time, anyways, that I would think they'd want to be close together when they could be. Not to mention in such a stressful time as this, I know I'd want to be close to the one I love.
THAT SAID.
I can also see that, when he's with all these other people, Kurt in particular might need some space. He has a role to play as their relatively stoic guide through Finn's loss, and to do that, he probably needs to compartmentalize his own heart, which might include saving his interactions with Blaine for the privacy of one of their homes. And that's FINE with me, I just wish we'd been given the teensiest bit of a hint so I wouldn't have to make most of this up in my head. Just one or two shots of Blaine looking over at Kurt to check in on him, or a quick squeeze of the shoulder in passing.
I know the show isn't ignoring them. The wardrobe folks do things on purpose - they absolutely chose to have them wearing matching ties in "Seasons of Love," they chose to style both of them with suspenders hanging down (which I'm not sure we've ever seen from buttoned-up Blaine). The director made the choice to have them physically separate in the choir room until Rachel's song, and I'm sure that choice had a reason. I just would have liked one or two more little cues so I could understand them better - I don't want to have to go hunting for Easter eggs.
And then, once Rachel is there, they are finally together. Why, I wonder? Does Kurt feel like that part of his job is done, or at least temporarily suspended, now that she has come? Is it that seeing her express her grief is so overwhelming that they simply HAVE to be together, stoicism and control be damned? Kurt still doesn't fully fall apart, but he finally lets Blaine take his hand and hold onto his arm. And Blaine, who has been sort of numb this whole time, reaches his breaking point when confronted with Rachel, who has lost the love of her life. Imagining having to go through that is when it becomes simply too much. He has to hold onto his love, who is blessedly still there, as he has a moment of being totally overwhelmed.
I'm finding myself feeling especially protective of this episode, of this show, of this cast right now. Maybe it's the mom part of my heart, I want to wrap them all up. On the day after "The Quarterback" aired, I saw a lot of online chatter and articles from people who hadn't watched the show in a year or more, but tuned in to see this tribute to Finn/Cory. Somewhat to my surprise, it made me mad. It felt like these were gawkers, coming just to witness the spectacle of someone's grief. To me, this episode felt almost like a gift from the cast and crew to the fandom, and I wanted to hold it close and not share it with the outside world.
That's ridiculous, of course. It's a television show, there's nothing private about it. Anyone is welcome to tune in or out at any time. And I think that a lot of the casual or long-lost viewers really did tune in to say goodbye to Finn as genuinely as anyone else. But reasonable or not, that was my reaction.
I'm glad they did this episode, I really am. Obviously, they had to do something to tell Finn's story, to explain why he isn't there. But the way they did it - as big of a headache as I had when I woke up the next morning, all that crying was cathartic. It let us all go through it together so that we could start to make it through to the other side of the loss. Because impossible as it can seem, life really does go on.
First and foremost, I am so glad they gave so much of this story to Kurt. I think it was 100% the right decision, which doesn't mean it was a given that they'd do it. The only other logical choice as primary mourner would have been Rachel, but they couldn't give more to her than they did. It would have been cruel to put that much on her shoulders (Rachel's OR Lea's). And having her come in at the end made it all the more meaningful and heartbreaking.
Other characters had connections with Finn, certainly, but Kurt was his brother. Their relationship over the seasons they had together had so much growth, and one of the saddest parts of Finn's loss, to me, is that we won't get to see it again. Even if they were never going to totally "get" each other, they both respected each other and would have defended one another to the bitter end.
Kurt was the right one to lead us all through this, both his classmates and us as the audience. Kurt has known grief before. It doesn't make it hurt less, but he has been down parts of this road. He has shown us time and time again how strong he is. He isn't hiding his sadness, not really. I don't believe he's bottling it up and denying it. He's stoic, but he doesn't pretend he's not hurting. He has the strength to stand up and walk with it, and to lead the rest of us through it.
And, of course, nobody can let us into the character's heart with a shift of his jaw like Chris Colfer. I'm sure this was hard for all of them to film, but Chris had some really REALLY big stuff to do. His performance was a gift for all of us. I don’t mind that he didn’t get his own song to say goodbye. He did a lot of really hard work, and said his own goodbyes, without being able to use music and lyrics to help him along.
As for some of the choices the writers made in how to structure this episode, I think they did about as good a job as they possibly could have done in this situation. I am particularly grateful for what they did with the timing. I’m glad they didn’t show everyone finding out. Not only would it have been cruel to make the cast and crew revisit that terrible experience, but then they would have been stuck in the immediate shock and horror of his death. Having us pick up with them a few weeks later not only takes the raw edge off by just a little bit, it also lets us see a wider range of how different characters are dealing with their grief. And I have to hope for the sake of the actors that it made it just a touch easier to film - that they could sink into their character’s reaction, instead of simply having their own.
I’m glad they didn’t come up with a reason for his death. I suppose a part of me is curious, but Kurt was right: it doesn’t even matter. And if they had chosen a cause of death, whether it be related to Cory’s death or not, the episode would have turned into a morality play. Just one more Very Special Episode of Glee. In choosing not to name that detail, the hour simply was about loss and grief, how it looks different for everyone, and how life moves forward whether you want it to or not.
Speaking of how people deal with loss and grief, I was initially shocked at the fact that my beloved Blaine Warbler had not one single spoken line, not one featured verse of a song. Given the amount of screen time he had in Season 4, and even in the first two episodes of Season 5, that is somewhat shocking. When Blaine was voted “The New Rachel,” that was no joke. He seemed to have a big song and a big moment in nearly every single episode of Season 4, much in the same way that Rachel did for the first 2-3 seasons. So to have him almost completely silent for the entire episode is something worth noting.
I realized that it reminds me of Blaine’s reaction during the choir room sequence of “Shooting Star.” He shuts down and basically says and does nothing. So that got me thinking about how Blaine handles stress, or specifically in this case, grief. Even more specifically, since that’s all we see, how he publicly handles grief.
Public Blaine is manners and leadership by consensus and decorum. He is a Dalton man. He wouldn’t break down in public. He will be present for his friends and soberly do what is required. He's a great guy to have around when someone else is struggling. But this loss has hit him so hard, he simply has no idea what to do with himself. He still won't make a spectacle of himself, but he can barely function beyond a basic show of respect and manners. He has no energy for leadership, no energy for performance. He isn't numb, but in a way it's like he's in shock.
And, of course, I can't put away my Klaine goggles forever. Obviously I noticed that, for the vast majority of the episode, they not only didn't sit together, but didn't seem to interact in any way. Look, I don't need them to be attached at the hip every single moment. Each of them is his own man. I guess I just think of them as having a hard time being apart so much of the time, anyways, that I would think they'd want to be close together when they could be. Not to mention in such a stressful time as this, I know I'd want to be close to the one I love.
THAT SAID.
I can also see that, when he's with all these other people, Kurt in particular might need some space. He has a role to play as their relatively stoic guide through Finn's loss, and to do that, he probably needs to compartmentalize his own heart, which might include saving his interactions with Blaine for the privacy of one of their homes. And that's FINE with me, I just wish we'd been given the teensiest bit of a hint so I wouldn't have to make most of this up in my head. Just one or two shots of Blaine looking over at Kurt to check in on him, or a quick squeeze of the shoulder in passing.
I know the show isn't ignoring them. The wardrobe folks do things on purpose - they absolutely chose to have them wearing matching ties in "Seasons of Love," they chose to style both of them with suspenders hanging down (which I'm not sure we've ever seen from buttoned-up Blaine). The director made the choice to have them physically separate in the choir room until Rachel's song, and I'm sure that choice had a reason. I just would have liked one or two more little cues so I could understand them better - I don't want to have to go hunting for Easter eggs.
And then, once Rachel is there, they are finally together. Why, I wonder? Does Kurt feel like that part of his job is done, or at least temporarily suspended, now that she has come? Is it that seeing her express her grief is so overwhelming that they simply HAVE to be together, stoicism and control be damned? Kurt still doesn't fully fall apart, but he finally lets Blaine take his hand and hold onto his arm. And Blaine, who has been sort of numb this whole time, reaches his breaking point when confronted with Rachel, who has lost the love of her life. Imagining having to go through that is when it becomes simply too much. He has to hold onto his love, who is blessedly still there, as he has a moment of being totally overwhelmed.
I'm finding myself feeling especially protective of this episode, of this show, of this cast right now. Maybe it's the mom part of my heart, I want to wrap them all up. On the day after "The Quarterback" aired, I saw a lot of online chatter and articles from people who hadn't watched the show in a year or more, but tuned in to see this tribute to Finn/Cory. Somewhat to my surprise, it made me mad. It felt like these were gawkers, coming just to witness the spectacle of someone's grief. To me, this episode felt almost like a gift from the cast and crew to the fandom, and I wanted to hold it close and not share it with the outside world.
That's ridiculous, of course. It's a television show, there's nothing private about it. Anyone is welcome to tune in or out at any time. And I think that a lot of the casual or long-lost viewers really did tune in to say goodbye to Finn as genuinely as anyone else. But reasonable or not, that was my reaction.
I'm glad they did this episode, I really am. Obviously, they had to do something to tell Finn's story, to explain why he isn't there. But the way they did it - as big of a headache as I had when I woke up the next morning, all that crying was cathartic. It let us all go through it together so that we could start to make it through to the other side of the loss. Because impossible as it can seem, life really does go on.