Liz's Instant Glee-Cap - 5x14 - New New York
Even being largely unspoiled, I am freaking excited for “New New York.” Nervous to get my expectations too high and be let down, but excited. Let's get to it!
Why in God's name are we talking about Schuester in "here's what you missed?" And Rachel is now six months into Funny Girl, which is about to open. In case you wondered if there would be a time jump. So now it’s… what, like early winter? Eh, who knows. Whatever.
The producer of Funny Girl is super pleased with Rachel, so he has gifted her a car service. NICE. Good time to sing "Downtown” while leaning out the windows. And GOOD GOD, it’s just a montage of everyone who is in New York and I am absolutely bursting at the seams. Kurt! Blaine! Artie! Sam! I might have been tempted to give the whole thing a standing ovation when the song finished. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted.
Rachel is treating them to lunch, but there’s no room in the car for Artie and his chair, so he and Sam will have to meet them there. Well, that sucks.
I paused the show to type that last sentence, and LO AND BEHOLD MY BOYS IN BED I AM DYING. SMASHING KEYBOARD DYING AND I HAVEN'T EVEN UNPAUSED IT. Sorry.
Yes. Klaine in the loft snuggling in bed. A a heav’nly chorus did sing. Oh Blaine, he even gels at bedtime. And he's getting up early to make pancakes for Kurt because he wanted to serve breakfast in bed and I could die. (And not one single person who has ever watched this show believes that he actually wears boxers, but I’ll accept that he sleeps in them. Fine.)
OH MY GOD. SERIOUSLY. IS THIS HAPPENING? "You Make Me Feel So Young” as a duet in UNDERWEAR AND JAMMIES. DANCING IN THE LOFT. THIS WHOLE FUCKING RECAP WILL BE IN CAPSLOCK. SORRY. IS THIS MY LIFE? There are just… there was so much typo’d keysmashing during this number I had to delete most of it, lest you think I was having some kind of psychotic break. But seriously? Dying.
And yet, as they fall onto the couch to make out, SAM IS THE NEW COCKBLOCK. Hahaha. Brilliant. Kurt is pissed and wants Sam to get his own place, he’s been crashing on their couch for months. Get on that, Blaine.
Oh, Artie. Kicking ass as best he can in New York, and a fucking dude on crutches steals his backpack in the subway. Not cool.
Blaine tries to be diplomatic and not *actually* kick Sam out of the loft, even though he just bums around and plays video games. Sam also doesn't want to cut his hair and he kind of hates New York. Blaine is staging an intervention to my new favorite song (“Best Day of My Life”) to prove to Sam that he can conquer New York. Glad to see Blaine is keeping up with his parkour, by the way, jumping on all variety of things.. And hey, New york has street dancers! GOD I AM SO HAPPY. Bless you New York. And of course there's crowd of people following them and singing along. Exactly as predicted, Blaine Anderson is pulling an “Enchanted.” Never change, Blaine Anderson.
YES. NUTTY NYADA CLASSES. Oh Jesus, terrible French accent and everything from the dude teaching mime. His accursed silent ennui, they're pulling ropes. Blaine is there, and isn't supposed to be there, but of course he's gotten special permission to be in all of Kurt's classes. I am laughing so hard because Blaine clearly cannot be more than 12 inches from Kurt at any given moment. It's starting to annoy the shit out of Kurt. "Are you sure it's not me who's suffocating you?” asks Blaine. "No, why would you say that," Kurt drily replies. His growing annoyance as they are stuck in a pretend box is perfection.
Oh, and Sam is cutting his hair, so yay for that. I love it. Super hot, I was ready for the ponytail to go.
Artie is trying to figure out the stolen backpack situation with Kurt at the loft, but Blaine can't stop making noise with the soda stream. How is it that I am so tickled by them snipping at each other? And Rachel is as self-absorbed as ever, and Blaine totally feeds her. Kurt, meanwhile, is about ready to snap.
Ooh, Elliot is back! I love him! He's got song ideas! But Kurt isn't listening, because he was up all night getting bedbugs out of the house after Blaine brought a random couch home. He's feeling kind of suffocated and fears they're headed for disaster. Elliot is the voice of reason. He originally thought they were nuts for being engaged so young, but now that he knows them, they're totally awesome together. Just set some boundaries, okay?
Huzzah, another Elliot and Kurt duet in the guitar shop. Life is good. Don't know the song, but will download without a second thought. CROWD SURFING GOD BLESS. Can I be in there? Kurt you are still kind of a goober when you're trying to rock but I adore you. And clearly he and Elliot are close at this point. I wondered for a moment if the hug and smile lingered a moment too long?
Rachel in the town car realizes Artie was right, she's living a crazy unreal life and is too sheltered. So she gets out of the car in the middle of Chinatown, and I have a flashback to Rachel Berry's House Party Train Wreck Extravaganza in the name of songwriting.
Blaine is going off the deep end and taping out a workspace for the loft. KURT IS GONNA LOVE IT! (Um, I doubt it, dude.) Sam comes in and worries someone died because it reminds him of police outlines. Cute hair, though! And he's got a job, yay! It's for underwear. Padded booty underwear for guys. Heh. Anyways, Sam is moving out to live with some other models. Blaine is stressing that he's losing his buddy. Oh, Blaine. You are hanging on by a thread aren't you.
Kurt comes in and, shocker, flips out about the new workspace. The screaming fight that has clearly been building for months finally happens. Kurt says it's HIS space, Blaine gets jealous about Elliot. WHY AM I SO HAPPY ABOUT THIS? Seriously, though. I am actually super happy to see them argue, because that is real. Living together is HARD.
Artie, meanwhile, is nervous about conquering the subway after losing his bag. Oh, not having a good day. Slush from the taxi and all.
Pissed-off Blaine is on a rampage and goes banging on Elliot’s apartment door (in his little shawl-collared fair-aisle sweater, aw Blaine…). He slams his way into the apartment, and I love him for it. He’s ranting about how Elliot is clearly trying to steal Kurt from him. Poor Elliot, the one straight man in this stewing pot of drama. Elliot hands him a guitar like a body pillow. Elliot, you are a doll. I love you so much. He gets Blaine to chill the fuck out, swears up and down that he doesn’t think of Kurt like that and has zero intention of getting between them, and that Kurt clearly adores Blaine. But maybe he needs some space, and maybe that isn’t the end of the world.
Ah, shit, there goes my beef about fanfics in which Blaine plays the guitar: now it’s canon. Elliot invites Blaine to hang out and jam for a few and they start improv-ing a song about glitter rock vampire. Love them.
Artie conquers the subway again with Rachel's help, who thanks him for putting her back in her place. Song time! I'm not sure I know this song, but this is a fun and unusual pairing, and there’s plenty of So You Think You Can Dance alums doing some crazy choreography on the subway. God, I love New York.
Sam arrives at his new apartment, kind of an in-and-out boarding place for a dozen or so models. There’s another roommate named Sam, who turns out to be a hot blonde chick. Alright alright.
Back at the loft, Kurt is waiting in the dark for Blaine to come home, and he just looks hollow. Blaine arrives looking defeated. Elliot texted Kurt when Blaine left his apartment… six hours ago. They’ve both had a lot of time to think. Blaine wants to talk first. He thinks he should move out.
Oh god, my heart is breaking, but… in a good way? They agree, somewhat painfully, that they need to take a step back in order to preserve their relationship. They don’t love each other any less. They ADORE each other. But they just moved in together without a discussion or a second thought, and maybe that wasn’t the best idea. Oh, my heart, my dear boys.
This scene is SUPERBLY acted by the pair of them. And *this* is why I’m actually sort of happy to see my two favorite characters and my ship to end all ships have a big ass fight. Because while I love the heart-eyes as much as the next person (oh and I do), what really pulls me in is to see the actors stretch their muscles and show me these complicated hearts. So good.
And, by the way, time for the “hottest make-up sex EVER.” Thanks for the band-aid over my heart, Glee.
Sam is in the new place, doing impressions for dopey hot chick, when she offers him a random assortment of prescription meds to help sleep and/or prevent water retention. He (rightfully) freaks out and gets the heck out of there.
Back at the loft, Kurt and Blaine are studying, Sam is chilling on the couch, and Rachel and Artie come in with a story: they saw the guy who robbed him on the subway, pepper-sprayed him, got him arrested, and got his stuff back. Yay!
They also make the various announcements about Sam not staying in the model apartment, Blaine moving out (but it’s okay!), and so now Blam is going to live together. (I’m confused about the timeline, here, but I’m just going to let it go.)
AND THEN MERCEDES SHOWS UP WHAT THE HELL? No explanation, she's just opens the door. You know what? I don’t even care, I’m just happy to see her, and so is everyone else.
So, Mercedes has a new place, Kurt and Blaine are moving her shit, and she’s and in there talking to Sam. Sam is clearly certain that Samcedes is ON LIKE DONKEY KONG. Anyways, Mercedes convinced her record label that she should move to New York, mostly because she was lonely in LA (might be a flimsy excuse but I seriously don’t care), and she’s happy to rent her extra room to Sam and Blaine. Sam asks what they’re going to do about their amazing sexual chemistry and goes in for the kiss and she SHUTS HIM DOWN. “I will bite your wax lips off,” she says. God damn I love Mercedes.
Rachel gets the last song with "People," which I almost can't believe hasn't been done yet. And yet, god damn, it's really appropriate. Mercedes may have shut Sam down, but she still watches him and clearly the chemistry is neither gone nor one-way. Artie is finding his way in the city, Kurt and Blaine are still holding hands and happy and darling, and they all have a potluck dinner at the loft. It’s nearly everything I’ve ever wanted.
You guys? I am so overwhelmed by feelings that the moment the final song ended, I started scream-texting flaming_muse and have pretty much been short-circuiting ever since.
I mean, I started out THRILLED to see everyone in the same place. Kicky-feeting, trying-not-to-shriek-and-wake-the-kids, bursting-at-the-seams happy.
And then I was laughing my ass off as Blaine kept hovering and Rachel kept diva-ing and Kurt looked like he could knock over a xylophone if one more person spoke to him.
And then they fought, and I was glad, in a way, to see it. Glad to see the reality of how hard it is to share space, even with someone you love. Glad to see an actual range of emotions.
And then they made up, but not with the resolution I might have hoped for. The right one for them at this moment, maybe, and not a sign of absolute doom, but a hard and sad one. It feels like an extreme solution to me, but not extreme in a “GO HOME GLEE, UR DRUNK” kind of way. Like a decision real people might make that I might not understand or agree with. AND GOD THAT’S GOOD.
Basically, you’re all really lucky that this recap isn’t literally all in capslock or just a random string of keysmashing. Because that’s what my brain is doing right now. Emotional keysmashing. I’m sparking and swirling and I can’t even bring myself to open up Tumblr yet, because I’m pretty sure my mind will just shut down.
But dammit, THIS IS THE MARK OF A GOOD EPISODE OF GLEE. I am so invested in all of these people right now. I am invested in their lives and their hearts and their futures and the way they adjust to this new life. I am ALL IN.
What about you?
(And no, I’m not discussing the promo, not even a little bit.)
Liz’s Instant Glee-Cap Rating: 4.5 of 5. NO JOKE, I think it was that good. Like, same rating as “Love, Love, Love” good. I am hooked and I can’t stop thinking about it.
Liz’s Instant Song Downloads:
Oh, fuck it. All of them.
See you next week, everybody. I'll be waiting on pins and needles.
Why in God's name are we talking about Schuester in "here's what you missed?" And Rachel is now six months into Funny Girl, which is about to open. In case you wondered if there would be a time jump. So now it’s… what, like early winter? Eh, who knows. Whatever.
The producer of Funny Girl is super pleased with Rachel, so he has gifted her a car service. NICE. Good time to sing "Downtown” while leaning out the windows. And GOOD GOD, it’s just a montage of everyone who is in New York and I am absolutely bursting at the seams. Kurt! Blaine! Artie! Sam! I might have been tempted to give the whole thing a standing ovation when the song finished. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted.
Rachel is treating them to lunch, but there’s no room in the car for Artie and his chair, so he and Sam will have to meet them there. Well, that sucks.
I paused the show to type that last sentence, and LO AND BEHOLD MY BOYS IN BED I AM DYING. SMASHING KEYBOARD DYING AND I HAVEN'T EVEN UNPAUSED IT. Sorry.
Yes. Klaine in the loft snuggling in bed. A a heav’nly chorus did sing. Oh Blaine, he even gels at bedtime. And he's getting up early to make pancakes for Kurt because he wanted to serve breakfast in bed and I could die. (And not one single person who has ever watched this show believes that he actually wears boxers, but I’ll accept that he sleeps in them. Fine.)
OH MY GOD. SERIOUSLY. IS THIS HAPPENING? "You Make Me Feel So Young” as a duet in UNDERWEAR AND JAMMIES. DANCING IN THE LOFT. THIS WHOLE FUCKING RECAP WILL BE IN CAPSLOCK. SORRY. IS THIS MY LIFE? There are just… there was so much typo’d keysmashing during this number I had to delete most of it, lest you think I was having some kind of psychotic break. But seriously? Dying.
And yet, as they fall onto the couch to make out, SAM IS THE NEW COCKBLOCK. Hahaha. Brilliant. Kurt is pissed and wants Sam to get his own place, he’s been crashing on their couch for months. Get on that, Blaine.
Oh, Artie. Kicking ass as best he can in New York, and a fucking dude on crutches steals his backpack in the subway. Not cool.
Blaine tries to be diplomatic and not *actually* kick Sam out of the loft, even though he just bums around and plays video games. Sam also doesn't want to cut his hair and he kind of hates New York. Blaine is staging an intervention to my new favorite song (“Best Day of My Life”) to prove to Sam that he can conquer New York. Glad to see Blaine is keeping up with his parkour, by the way, jumping on all variety of things.. And hey, New york has street dancers! GOD I AM SO HAPPY. Bless you New York. And of course there's crowd of people following them and singing along. Exactly as predicted, Blaine Anderson is pulling an “Enchanted.” Never change, Blaine Anderson.
YES. NUTTY NYADA CLASSES. Oh Jesus, terrible French accent and everything from the dude teaching mime. His accursed silent ennui, they're pulling ropes. Blaine is there, and isn't supposed to be there, but of course he's gotten special permission to be in all of Kurt's classes. I am laughing so hard because Blaine clearly cannot be more than 12 inches from Kurt at any given moment. It's starting to annoy the shit out of Kurt. "Are you sure it's not me who's suffocating you?” asks Blaine. "No, why would you say that," Kurt drily replies. His growing annoyance as they are stuck in a pretend box is perfection.
Oh, and Sam is cutting his hair, so yay for that. I love it. Super hot, I was ready for the ponytail to go.
Artie is trying to figure out the stolen backpack situation with Kurt at the loft, but Blaine can't stop making noise with the soda stream. How is it that I am so tickled by them snipping at each other? And Rachel is as self-absorbed as ever, and Blaine totally feeds her. Kurt, meanwhile, is about ready to snap.
Ooh, Elliot is back! I love him! He's got song ideas! But Kurt isn't listening, because he was up all night getting bedbugs out of the house after Blaine brought a random couch home. He's feeling kind of suffocated and fears they're headed for disaster. Elliot is the voice of reason. He originally thought they were nuts for being engaged so young, but now that he knows them, they're totally awesome together. Just set some boundaries, okay?
Huzzah, another Elliot and Kurt duet in the guitar shop. Life is good. Don't know the song, but will download without a second thought. CROWD SURFING GOD BLESS. Can I be in there? Kurt you are still kind of a goober when you're trying to rock but I adore you. And clearly he and Elliot are close at this point. I wondered for a moment if the hug and smile lingered a moment too long?
Rachel in the town car realizes Artie was right, she's living a crazy unreal life and is too sheltered. So she gets out of the car in the middle of Chinatown, and I have a flashback to Rachel Berry's House Party Train Wreck Extravaganza in the name of songwriting.
Blaine is going off the deep end and taping out a workspace for the loft. KURT IS GONNA LOVE IT! (Um, I doubt it, dude.) Sam comes in and worries someone died because it reminds him of police outlines. Cute hair, though! And he's got a job, yay! It's for underwear. Padded booty underwear for guys. Heh. Anyways, Sam is moving out to live with some other models. Blaine is stressing that he's losing his buddy. Oh, Blaine. You are hanging on by a thread aren't you.
Kurt comes in and, shocker, flips out about the new workspace. The screaming fight that has clearly been building for months finally happens. Kurt says it's HIS space, Blaine gets jealous about Elliot. WHY AM I SO HAPPY ABOUT THIS? Seriously, though. I am actually super happy to see them argue, because that is real. Living together is HARD.
Artie, meanwhile, is nervous about conquering the subway after losing his bag. Oh, not having a good day. Slush from the taxi and all.
Pissed-off Blaine is on a rampage and goes banging on Elliot’s apartment door (in his little shawl-collared fair-aisle sweater, aw Blaine…). He slams his way into the apartment, and I love him for it. He’s ranting about how Elliot is clearly trying to steal Kurt from him. Poor Elliot, the one straight man in this stewing pot of drama. Elliot hands him a guitar like a body pillow. Elliot, you are a doll. I love you so much. He gets Blaine to chill the fuck out, swears up and down that he doesn’t think of Kurt like that and has zero intention of getting between them, and that Kurt clearly adores Blaine. But maybe he needs some space, and maybe that isn’t the end of the world.
Ah, shit, there goes my beef about fanfics in which Blaine plays the guitar: now it’s canon. Elliot invites Blaine to hang out and jam for a few and they start improv-ing a song about glitter rock vampire. Love them.
Artie conquers the subway again with Rachel's help, who thanks him for putting her back in her place. Song time! I'm not sure I know this song, but this is a fun and unusual pairing, and there’s plenty of So You Think You Can Dance alums doing some crazy choreography on the subway. God, I love New York.
Sam arrives at his new apartment, kind of an in-and-out boarding place for a dozen or so models. There’s another roommate named Sam, who turns out to be a hot blonde chick. Alright alright.
Back at the loft, Kurt is waiting in the dark for Blaine to come home, and he just looks hollow. Blaine arrives looking defeated. Elliot texted Kurt when Blaine left his apartment… six hours ago. They’ve both had a lot of time to think. Blaine wants to talk first. He thinks he should move out.
Oh god, my heart is breaking, but… in a good way? They agree, somewhat painfully, that they need to take a step back in order to preserve their relationship. They don’t love each other any less. They ADORE each other. But they just moved in together without a discussion or a second thought, and maybe that wasn’t the best idea. Oh, my heart, my dear boys.
This scene is SUPERBLY acted by the pair of them. And *this* is why I’m actually sort of happy to see my two favorite characters and my ship to end all ships have a big ass fight. Because while I love the heart-eyes as much as the next person (oh and I do), what really pulls me in is to see the actors stretch their muscles and show me these complicated hearts. So good.
And, by the way, time for the “hottest make-up sex EVER.” Thanks for the band-aid over my heart, Glee.
Sam is in the new place, doing impressions for dopey hot chick, when she offers him a random assortment of prescription meds to help sleep and/or prevent water retention. He (rightfully) freaks out and gets the heck out of there.
Back at the loft, Kurt and Blaine are studying, Sam is chilling on the couch, and Rachel and Artie come in with a story: they saw the guy who robbed him on the subway, pepper-sprayed him, got him arrested, and got his stuff back. Yay!
They also make the various announcements about Sam not staying in the model apartment, Blaine moving out (but it’s okay!), and so now Blam is going to live together. (I’m confused about the timeline, here, but I’m just going to let it go.)
AND THEN MERCEDES SHOWS UP WHAT THE HELL? No explanation, she's just opens the door. You know what? I don’t even care, I’m just happy to see her, and so is everyone else.
So, Mercedes has a new place, Kurt and Blaine are moving her shit, and she’s and in there talking to Sam. Sam is clearly certain that Samcedes is ON LIKE DONKEY KONG. Anyways, Mercedes convinced her record label that she should move to New York, mostly because she was lonely in LA (might be a flimsy excuse but I seriously don’t care), and she’s happy to rent her extra room to Sam and Blaine. Sam asks what they’re going to do about their amazing sexual chemistry and goes in for the kiss and she SHUTS HIM DOWN. “I will bite your wax lips off,” she says. God damn I love Mercedes.
Rachel gets the last song with "People," which I almost can't believe hasn't been done yet. And yet, god damn, it's really appropriate. Mercedes may have shut Sam down, but she still watches him and clearly the chemistry is neither gone nor one-way. Artie is finding his way in the city, Kurt and Blaine are still holding hands and happy and darling, and they all have a potluck dinner at the loft. It’s nearly everything I’ve ever wanted.
You guys? I am so overwhelmed by feelings that the moment the final song ended, I started scream-texting flaming_muse and have pretty much been short-circuiting ever since.
I mean, I started out THRILLED to see everyone in the same place. Kicky-feeting, trying-not-to-shriek-and-wake-the-kids, bursting-at-the-seams happy.
And then I was laughing my ass off as Blaine kept hovering and Rachel kept diva-ing and Kurt looked like he could knock over a xylophone if one more person spoke to him.
And then they fought, and I was glad, in a way, to see it. Glad to see the reality of how hard it is to share space, even with someone you love. Glad to see an actual range of emotions.
And then they made up, but not with the resolution I might have hoped for. The right one for them at this moment, maybe, and not a sign of absolute doom, but a hard and sad one. It feels like an extreme solution to me, but not extreme in a “GO HOME GLEE, UR DRUNK” kind of way. Like a decision real people might make that I might not understand or agree with. AND GOD THAT’S GOOD.
Basically, you’re all really lucky that this recap isn’t literally all in capslock or just a random string of keysmashing. Because that’s what my brain is doing right now. Emotional keysmashing. I’m sparking and swirling and I can’t even bring myself to open up Tumblr yet, because I’m pretty sure my mind will just shut down.
But dammit, THIS IS THE MARK OF A GOOD EPISODE OF GLEE. I am so invested in all of these people right now. I am invested in their lives and their hearts and their futures and the way they adjust to this new life. I am ALL IN.
What about you?
(And no, I’m not discussing the promo, not even a little bit.)
Liz’s Instant Glee-Cap Rating: 4.5 of 5. NO JOKE, I think it was that good. Like, same rating as “Love, Love, Love” good. I am hooked and I can’t stop thinking about it.
Liz’s Instant Song Downloads:
Oh, fuck it. All of them.
See you next week, everybody. I'll be waiting on pins and needles.