Glee Season 3 Re-watch - 3x02 - I Am Unicorn
When a pony does a good deed, he gets a horn. And he becomes a unicorn and then he poops out cotton candy until he forgets he's magical. And then his horn falls off. Black unicorns, they become zebras. A unicorn is somebody who knows they're magical and isn't afraid to show it.
-Brittany S. Pierce
We open with darling Kurt at his locker (looking smashing in one of flaming_muse's all-time favorite outfits, or at least accessories, with the wooden duck pins). Genuine, darling Brittany thinks that Kurt is all kinds of awesome and wants to run his campaign for class president. Not only is he a unicorn (see above), but she's slept with a lot of people and can bring him tons of votes. Kurt is on board, and I think he’s delighted that someone is taking him seriously.
In the choir room, Schue goes on a needlessly long tangent about how Vocal Adrenaline has lost their coach ("which means they're vulnerable," chimes in the ever-expository Tina). He, once again, intends to work harder than ever to get New Directions to win Nationals, so he can't direct the school musical. Rachel panics at the idea that it might be cancelled, but fear not, Schuester has brought in the highly qualified Emma Pillsbury and Coach Bieste to direct.
He's also instituting booty camp to have an excuse to show dance moves in slow-motion all season long boost their dancing skills. Kurt protests his inclusion in that group while Mike points out that he mostly just shimmies and "it's super distracting." (What's distracting is that striped shirt and comically-large pink bow tie that Blaine is wearing.)
Rachel is deliciously self-centered in all of this. Her dreams of New York rest, in her mind, on getting the lead in West Side Story, and when Schue says he wants a student director to assist the faculty, she naturally assumes that he means her. Everything she says and does is ME ME WHAT ABOUT ME and it is perfectly obnoxious.
A move to the teacher's lounge brings us to the inexplicable return of Shelby Corcoran. Well, okay, they "explain" it: Sugar Motta's dad has paid to bring Shelby on as a second show choir director for the sole purpose of Sugar having a place to perform. Because, you know, in a school where the primary show choir nearly always struggles to get to the minimum 12 members required for competition, certainly there must be people waiting in the wings to fill a SECOND group. *sigh*
Anyways, Schuester points out that maybe having Shelby around will be really hard on Rachel, Quinn, and Puck (ya think?!). Shelby spouts something about how Lima is where she made all of these big mistakes that define her, and that she wants to make it right, and I am BLAZING WITH RIGHTEOUS INDIGNANCE. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but when we last saw Shelby in Season 1, the deal was that she was a SURROGATE who intentionally carried Rachel for her dads, correct? And yeah, she has conflicting emotions about that, and that's fine. But she was NOT Quinn. She was not a teenager who made a mistake and got accidentally knocked up and gave up her baby for adoption. Ugh, this gets me so grumpy.
The skanks are in the bathroom, giving some poor girl swirlies and stealing her lunch money. Sue comes in to talk to Quinn, pointing out how sad it is that she lost her baby, her rep, and worst of all, her high pony. Sue blames the Glee club, and wants Quinn to start in a documentary/campaign ad about how involvement in the arts ruins lives. Quinn, frankly, is perfectly happy to have an outside force to blame for her misfortune.
Up in Kurt's bedroom, Brittany has some FANTASTIC ideas for his campaign. Bright pink glittery rainbow posters, and a swag bag (full of Teletubbies and ruby slippers and a DVD of Burlesque) that she calls "Kurt Hummel's Bulging Pink Fun Sack." EVERY SINGLE TIME I see this scene and hear that line, I choke on air. I would pay good money to see the giggly out-takes of that one, because combined with Brittany's unicorn headband, it is just entirely too much amazing for me to handle.
Kurt appreciates the effort, but finds the whole thing just a little too unicorn gay. He doesn't want to just be known as "Kurt Hummel, Homo," but Brittany doesn't understand why not. God, there are so many amazing lines in this scene, I have to resist the urge to transpose every single one of them. Kurt, the dear, has an idea for something more subtle. His version of "understated" is an homage to Judy Garland, complete with a story about her stealing a fur coat from a fashion shoot. Brittany, brilliantly: "you should tell that story in your campaign speech! It's, like, so unicorn." Truth.
Back at school, Puck leads the head skank into an empty classroom to be ambushed by the presence of Shelby. Nice one. Shelby says she wants Quinn to be able to be a part of Beth's life, because after she gave up Rachel for adoption (AARRGGGHH) it was really hard, and she didn't want Quinn or Beth to go through the same thing. We get some arguing and Quinn lashing out with a "you're not her mom," and this makes me EVER SO uncomfortable.
Look, I like the idea of Quinn having some serious internal conflict over giving Beth up for adoption, even if it's a rather delayed reaction. But to do it by having Shelby here, shoving it in her face and tormenting her with it, just really does not sit well with me.
Schue and Mike in the choir room give us our first slo-mo dance sequence of the season (yes, I intend to keep a running tally) at the inaugural meeting of booty camp while an adorably over-dressed Kurt and a rolled-up sweatpants'd Blaine (because why would we ever cover those ankles?) show us just how flexible they are. Rawr.
While they grapevine to and fro, Kurt and Blaine talk West Side Story auditions. Kurt is a little put out to think that Blaine might also be auditioning for Tony, but his face and his words rapidly acknowledge that (to his dismay) Blaine might, in fact, be the perfect Tony. Blaine quickly backpedals and says he'd happily take a secondary role if it meant Kurt got the lead, especially since he's a junior to Kurt's senior (and lo, the fangirls across the land were horrified, but I'm not even going to bother rehashing the shit-show that was the announcement of Blaine being a year younger than Kurt).
Rachel is warming up in the auditorium when Shelby shows up and freaks her out. Rachel tries to be polite while still begging her to leave, but Shelby sticks around and insists that Rachel change her audition song from the too-safe "I Feel Pretty" to the more challenging but impressive "Somewhere." (I, in the meantime, am a huge West Side Story nerd and will forever be sad that we don't get to see the cast of Glee put on the entire show.) She's right about the song, and they sing it together and sound fantastic, and then dream-sequence it into Rachel's actual audition, but their interaction still makes me grumpy at Shelby. I know the song itself is probably meant to be the gentle repair of the relationship between the two of them, but I’m too annoyed with Shelby to really give it much thought.
Sue voice-overs a dramatic-looking and ultimately false campaign ad with Quinn. They take it to Schue's office, where Quinn delivers a shaky-voiced confrontation about how she had it all until she joined that stupid Glee club and it ruined her life. Will, to his credit, calls it out as bullshit, since the Glee kids were the only ones that actually supported her when she got pregnant and kicked out of her house, and she can take the blame game elsewhere.
Puck shows up at Shelby and Beth's apartment unannounced. His earnestness in wanting to be involved in Beth's life is the only good thing about this whole arc, and this bit is particularly sweet. He's trying to be a good guy and prove himself reliable and worthy, and when he sees Beth, it's genuinely sweet and adorable. He wants someone to give him a chance for once.
Back in the auditorium, it's time for Kurt's audition, which is nothing short of incredible. First of all, he looks amazing in the high-waist wide-leg pants and fitted, short-sleeved white shirt, paired with the black Converse. He shows off his spectacular gymnastic prowess, climbing and swinging all over his scaffolding, even rocking the sai swords at the end. And with all of that, he's singing a damn Streisand tune from Funny Girl. It's a thing of beauty. Kurt fucking rules.
Puck sneaks into the girls' bathroom to try to convince Quinn to drop the skank act. He wants the two of them to be able to be in Beth's life, and it's not going to happen while she's like this.
Beiste, Emma, and Artie are talking auditions in Emma's office (and I'm surprised Emma isn't having a heart attack with Bieste's gum-covered shoes on her desk) while Kurt eavesdrops from outside. They're digging Rachel for Maria, but know Mercedes has yet to do her audition. They loved Kurt's audition, but debate whether he's too "delicate" for Tony. Emma actually asks the question, "do you think he can pass?" None of it is said with cruel intent, but it's a bucket of ice water poured on Kurt's head.
And if that didn't give him enough food for thought on passing privilege and its effect on his life, he finds Brittany and Santana plastering the halls with posters of Kurt riding a unicorn over a rainbow and it is simply too much for him to handle. Brittany still doesn't see the problem and thinks he should embrace that which makes him special, but Kurt immediately says "but I'm not going to win." No time for further debate on that, though, as Rachel walks by and he grabs her for an audition emergency. Kurt Hummel is officially freaking the fuck out.
Brittany feels terrible that she's failed her precious unicorn, but Santana is having none of it. She knows Britt is a genius, and a unicorn on her own merit.
In the auditorium, Emma asks if they're seeing any more "ethnic Marias" and I can't stop snickering at the insane one-liners that this show throws around. But no, it's Kurt, with an assist from Rachel, to prove he's got the acting chops to play Tony. Because nothing says "Alpha Gang Member" like that poofy hat and those tights, Kurt. They do a scene from Romeo and Juliet and Kurt's voice has dropped an octave, but the trio of directors is barely holding back laughter before they even start. He moves in to kiss Rachel as the scene calls for, but even she breaks character and can't do it. He runs off stage, mortified, and it's one of the most painful things I've seen in a long time. Poor Kurt. I mean, the whole thing was misguided and overwrought, but to be laughed at like that when he was trying so hard...
In a spare classroom, Shelby is attempting to give voice lessons to her tone-deaf one-woman show choir. Quinn comes in and commiserates over the ill-considered tattoo as coping mechanism, and then gives an icky speech about self-sacrifice as a measure of motherhood. She does talk about trying to find yourself and forgive yourself for the mistakes of your childhood, and I guess that's something, but then all but blackmails Quinn into giving up the skank act by showing her a picture of Beth. It's all weird and sad.
Rachel is keeping Finn company at Hummel Tires & Lube, and I find them incredibly adorable in this scene. Rachel has a moment of self-awareness when she says she's going to be even crazier than normal until the cast list is posted. She encourages Finn to try out, but he declines. He already has school and football, and legitimately enjoys working at the tire shop. She is genuinely sweet when she suggests that his talent (of the artistic variety) is what makes him most special and even thinks he could get into NYADA, but he is quick to suggest that maybe he doesn't want to do that. That maybe there's nothing wrong with staying in Lima and working at the tire shop.
I like this conflict, even though they don't (yet) play it as an actual conflict between the two of them. But Rachel is so clearly (if sweetly) pushing her own dreams on Finn, and those were NEVER his dreams. At the same time, he doesn't even know what his dreams are, so if Rachel says so, he'll listen.
Huzzah, the arrival of Burt Hummel! He sees Kurt moping around the shop and knows that means he either wants money or needs to talk. Today, it's the latter. Kurt is depressed about the fact that he'll never be the stereotypical romantic (hetero) male lead, and those are the roles everybody wants (that he feels, therefore, that he SHOULD want). Burt, brilliantly says, "dude, you're gay. And you're not like Rock Hudson gay, you're really gay. You sing like Diana Ross and you dress like you own a magic chocolate factory. What is wrong with any of that? It's who you are!"
"I'm just tired of being a unicorn, dad."
"You know what they call a unicorn without a horn? A friggin horse."
Father of the goddamn year millenium. I love how much Burt loves his son, and everything that he is.
Schue and Mike slo-mo dance sequence #2, this time with bonus Brad-the-piano-player and sweaty Finn! They're working their butts off in booty camp again, and Finn finally nails a tricky routine. Quinn arrives on the scene with hair re-blonded, white sundress, even the cross around her neck and asks if she can join them. She's welcomed back with hugs from everyone, but when Puck says he's proud of her, she turns on the ice glare. This is all in the name of getting full custody of Beth and OH LOOK, IT'S THE CRAZY TRAIN. CHOO CHOO, MOTHERFUCKERS. Puck looks appropriately terrified.
In the staff room, we get an update on Sue's ridiculous campaign, and she's now in first place. Beiste, Schue and Emma feel the need to derail her and find someone to run against her. Oh, lord, no.
Brittany walks dreamily down the hallway to find Kurt embracing his unicorn-ness and putting up his own fabulous version of her rainbow posters. (He's also wearing one of my all-time least-favorite jackets, sadly.) He tells her she was ever so right and invites her to come over for more strategizing, but she can't. She and Santana are working on Brittany's campaign. She tells him with zero malice, but you can see Kurt's heart drop into his stomach at the thought of having her as competition. Crap.
In the auditorium, we've got one more audition for today. Blaine Anderson is here to absolutely blow "Something's Coming" out of the water in his rolled-up jeans, boat shoes, and the beginning of a long line of red polo shirts.
If you follow me on Tumblr you've probably already heard me say this, but this song was the moment, for me, about Blaine (and, perhaps even more so, about Darren Criss). Certainly I'd been a Blaine fan from the get-go, and rooted for him and Kurt, and all of that. But, frankly, much of 2011 was a blur for me on a personal level, with a special-needs newborn who spent a long time in the hospital and was a high-stress thing when she came home. By the time Season 3 of Glee started that fall, I was finally starting to get a handle on my new life and could pay attention to fun things like my favorite TV show. And then this adorable Warbler performs the hell out of my favorite song from my favorite musical. I was DONE FOR.
Anyways, Blaine kills the song, and I would pay all of the money to actually see Darren as Tony in a full-length production of West Side Story. Seriously, he's perfect, I don't care what Darren says about his voice and vibrato and filling a theater. His densely-packed firecracker of energy is amazing as you watch each movement, ready to explode. The facial expressions, the use of the stage, the voice... the whole thing is magic, and Kurt looks on proudly from the balcony.
The directors cheer from the audience, but pause when they realize Blaine only requested to audition for secondary roles. They ask him to read for Tony. Blaine bites his lip and the conflict is all over his face. He's a performer to his very core, of course he wants the lead. But he knows how much Kurt wants it, too, and doesn't want to be the one to take it from him. Kurt, watching this play out, looks like's on the verge of tears before he turns and leaves.
Oh man, was this a great episode for Kurt fans. I mean, a hard one, because the deck just keeps stacking against his precious unicorn self. He wants to win things, he wants to get the lead. And he is painfully aware of how much easier all of that would be if he could pass. He tries, oh, he tries, but he's so clueless. Just look at his attempts in this episode: the Judy Garland poster? Auditioning for Tony with a song from Funny Girl? Re-auditioning in tights and a feathered hat? At this point in his life, Kurt Hummel can't even butch it up in a trucker hat and flannel. That's who he is. It kind of sucks being a unicorn in high school in Ohio. But, dammit, he can’t NOT be special, he can't NOT be himself.
And then there’s the Quinn/Puck/Shelby thing. Ugh. It has potential to do interesting things for Quinn (who is finally having to deal with the trauma she went through) and Puck (who, despite his badass image, really wants to be a good guy and have something meaningful in his life). But it’s handled so poorly it gives me fits of rage. Sigh.
But really, there’s a lot to love about “I Am Unicorn.” Lots of great character stuff, only three well-chosen and well-performed songs (yes, I frequently like Glee when they have fewer songs per episode), and even Schuester mostly acted like a decent teacher and human being. ACHIEVEMENT!
Thumbs up, I really really enjoy this episode. What about you, dear unicorns?
Back next week with " Asian F" and " Pot o' Gold!"
-Brittany S. Pierce
We open with darling Kurt at his locker (looking smashing in one of flaming_muse's all-time favorite outfits, or at least accessories, with the wooden duck pins). Genuine, darling Brittany thinks that Kurt is all kinds of awesome and wants to run his campaign for class president. Not only is he a unicorn (see above), but she's slept with a lot of people and can bring him tons of votes. Kurt is on board, and I think he’s delighted that someone is taking him seriously.
In the choir room, Schue goes on a needlessly long tangent about how Vocal Adrenaline has lost their coach ("which means they're vulnerable," chimes in the ever-expository Tina). He, once again, intends to work harder than ever to get New Directions to win Nationals, so he can't direct the school musical. Rachel panics at the idea that it might be cancelled, but fear not, Schuester has brought in the highly qualified Emma Pillsbury and Coach Bieste to direct.
He's also instituting booty camp to have an excuse to show dance moves in slow-motion all season long boost their dancing skills. Kurt protests his inclusion in that group while Mike points out that he mostly just shimmies and "it's super distracting." (What's distracting is that striped shirt and comically-large pink bow tie that Blaine is wearing.)
Rachel is deliciously self-centered in all of this. Her dreams of New York rest, in her mind, on getting the lead in West Side Story, and when Schue says he wants a student director to assist the faculty, she naturally assumes that he means her. Everything she says and does is ME ME WHAT ABOUT ME and it is perfectly obnoxious.
A move to the teacher's lounge brings us to the inexplicable return of Shelby Corcoran. Well, okay, they "explain" it: Sugar Motta's dad has paid to bring Shelby on as a second show choir director for the sole purpose of Sugar having a place to perform. Because, you know, in a school where the primary show choir nearly always struggles to get to the minimum 12 members required for competition, certainly there must be people waiting in the wings to fill a SECOND group. *sigh*
Anyways, Schuester points out that maybe having Shelby around will be really hard on Rachel, Quinn, and Puck (ya think?!). Shelby spouts something about how Lima is where she made all of these big mistakes that define her, and that she wants to make it right, and I am BLAZING WITH RIGHTEOUS INDIGNANCE. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but when we last saw Shelby in Season 1, the deal was that she was a SURROGATE who intentionally carried Rachel for her dads, correct? And yeah, she has conflicting emotions about that, and that's fine. But she was NOT Quinn. She was not a teenager who made a mistake and got accidentally knocked up and gave up her baby for adoption. Ugh, this gets me so grumpy.
The skanks are in the bathroom, giving some poor girl swirlies and stealing her lunch money. Sue comes in to talk to Quinn, pointing out how sad it is that she lost her baby, her rep, and worst of all, her high pony. Sue blames the Glee club, and wants Quinn to start in a documentary/campaign ad about how involvement in the arts ruins lives. Quinn, frankly, is perfectly happy to have an outside force to blame for her misfortune.
Up in Kurt's bedroom, Brittany has some FANTASTIC ideas for his campaign. Bright pink glittery rainbow posters, and a swag bag (full of Teletubbies and ruby slippers and a DVD of Burlesque) that she calls "Kurt Hummel's Bulging Pink Fun Sack." EVERY SINGLE TIME I see this scene and hear that line, I choke on air. I would pay good money to see the giggly out-takes of that one, because combined with Brittany's unicorn headband, it is just entirely too much amazing for me to handle.
Kurt appreciates the effort, but finds the whole thing just a little too unicorn gay. He doesn't want to just be known as "Kurt Hummel, Homo," but Brittany doesn't understand why not. God, there are so many amazing lines in this scene, I have to resist the urge to transpose every single one of them. Kurt, the dear, has an idea for something more subtle. His version of "understated" is an homage to Judy Garland, complete with a story about her stealing a fur coat from a fashion shoot. Brittany, brilliantly: "you should tell that story in your campaign speech! It's, like, so unicorn." Truth.
Back at school, Puck leads the head skank into an empty classroom to be ambushed by the presence of Shelby. Nice one. Shelby says she wants Quinn to be able to be a part of Beth's life, because after she gave up Rachel for adoption (AARRGGGHH) it was really hard, and she didn't want Quinn or Beth to go through the same thing. We get some arguing and Quinn lashing out with a "you're not her mom," and this makes me EVER SO uncomfortable.
Look, I like the idea of Quinn having some serious internal conflict over giving Beth up for adoption, even if it's a rather delayed reaction. But to do it by having Shelby here, shoving it in her face and tormenting her with it, just really does not sit well with me.
Schue and Mike in the choir room give us our first slo-mo dance sequence of the season (yes, I intend to keep a running tally) at the inaugural meeting of booty camp while an adorably over-dressed Kurt and a rolled-up sweatpants'd Blaine (because why would we ever cover those ankles?) show us just how flexible they are. Rawr.
While they grapevine to and fro, Kurt and Blaine talk West Side Story auditions. Kurt is a little put out to think that Blaine might also be auditioning for Tony, but his face and his words rapidly acknowledge that (to his dismay) Blaine might, in fact, be the perfect Tony. Blaine quickly backpedals and says he'd happily take a secondary role if it meant Kurt got the lead, especially since he's a junior to Kurt's senior (and lo, the fangirls across the land were horrified, but I'm not even going to bother rehashing the shit-show that was the announcement of Blaine being a year younger than Kurt).
Rachel is warming up in the auditorium when Shelby shows up and freaks her out. Rachel tries to be polite while still begging her to leave, but Shelby sticks around and insists that Rachel change her audition song from the too-safe "I Feel Pretty" to the more challenging but impressive "Somewhere." (I, in the meantime, am a huge West Side Story nerd and will forever be sad that we don't get to see the cast of Glee put on the entire show.) She's right about the song, and they sing it together and sound fantastic, and then dream-sequence it into Rachel's actual audition, but their interaction still makes me grumpy at Shelby. I know the song itself is probably meant to be the gentle repair of the relationship between the two of them, but I’m too annoyed with Shelby to really give it much thought.
Sue voice-overs a dramatic-looking and ultimately false campaign ad with Quinn. They take it to Schue's office, where Quinn delivers a shaky-voiced confrontation about how she had it all until she joined that stupid Glee club and it ruined her life. Will, to his credit, calls it out as bullshit, since the Glee kids were the only ones that actually supported her when she got pregnant and kicked out of her house, and she can take the blame game elsewhere.
Puck shows up at Shelby and Beth's apartment unannounced. His earnestness in wanting to be involved in Beth's life is the only good thing about this whole arc, and this bit is particularly sweet. He's trying to be a good guy and prove himself reliable and worthy, and when he sees Beth, it's genuinely sweet and adorable. He wants someone to give him a chance for once.
Back in the auditorium, it's time for Kurt's audition, which is nothing short of incredible. First of all, he looks amazing in the high-waist wide-leg pants and fitted, short-sleeved white shirt, paired with the black Converse. He shows off his spectacular gymnastic prowess, climbing and swinging all over his scaffolding, even rocking the sai swords at the end. And with all of that, he's singing a damn Streisand tune from Funny Girl. It's a thing of beauty. Kurt fucking rules.
Puck sneaks into the girls' bathroom to try to convince Quinn to drop the skank act. He wants the two of them to be able to be in Beth's life, and it's not going to happen while she's like this.
Beiste, Emma, and Artie are talking auditions in Emma's office (and I'm surprised Emma isn't having a heart attack with Bieste's gum-covered shoes on her desk) while Kurt eavesdrops from outside. They're digging Rachel for Maria, but know Mercedes has yet to do her audition. They loved Kurt's audition, but debate whether he's too "delicate" for Tony. Emma actually asks the question, "do you think he can pass?" None of it is said with cruel intent, but it's a bucket of ice water poured on Kurt's head.
And if that didn't give him enough food for thought on passing privilege and its effect on his life, he finds Brittany and Santana plastering the halls with posters of Kurt riding a unicorn over a rainbow and it is simply too much for him to handle. Brittany still doesn't see the problem and thinks he should embrace that which makes him special, but Kurt immediately says "but I'm not going to win." No time for further debate on that, though, as Rachel walks by and he grabs her for an audition emergency. Kurt Hummel is officially freaking the fuck out.
Brittany feels terrible that she's failed her precious unicorn, but Santana is having none of it. She knows Britt is a genius, and a unicorn on her own merit.
In the auditorium, Emma asks if they're seeing any more "ethnic Marias" and I can't stop snickering at the insane one-liners that this show throws around. But no, it's Kurt, with an assist from Rachel, to prove he's got the acting chops to play Tony. Because nothing says "Alpha Gang Member" like that poofy hat and those tights, Kurt. They do a scene from Romeo and Juliet and Kurt's voice has dropped an octave, but the trio of directors is barely holding back laughter before they even start. He moves in to kiss Rachel as the scene calls for, but even she breaks character and can't do it. He runs off stage, mortified, and it's one of the most painful things I've seen in a long time. Poor Kurt. I mean, the whole thing was misguided and overwrought, but to be laughed at like that when he was trying so hard...
In a spare classroom, Shelby is attempting to give voice lessons to her tone-deaf one-woman show choir. Quinn comes in and commiserates over the ill-considered tattoo as coping mechanism, and then gives an icky speech about self-sacrifice as a measure of motherhood. She does talk about trying to find yourself and forgive yourself for the mistakes of your childhood, and I guess that's something, but then all but blackmails Quinn into giving up the skank act by showing her a picture of Beth. It's all weird and sad.
Rachel is keeping Finn company at Hummel Tires & Lube, and I find them incredibly adorable in this scene. Rachel has a moment of self-awareness when she says she's going to be even crazier than normal until the cast list is posted. She encourages Finn to try out, but he declines. He already has school and football, and legitimately enjoys working at the tire shop. She is genuinely sweet when she suggests that his talent (of the artistic variety) is what makes him most special and even thinks he could get into NYADA, but he is quick to suggest that maybe he doesn't want to do that. That maybe there's nothing wrong with staying in Lima and working at the tire shop.
I like this conflict, even though they don't (yet) play it as an actual conflict between the two of them. But Rachel is so clearly (if sweetly) pushing her own dreams on Finn, and those were NEVER his dreams. At the same time, he doesn't even know what his dreams are, so if Rachel says so, he'll listen.
Huzzah, the arrival of Burt Hummel! He sees Kurt moping around the shop and knows that means he either wants money or needs to talk. Today, it's the latter. Kurt is depressed about the fact that he'll never be the stereotypical romantic (hetero) male lead, and those are the roles everybody wants (that he feels, therefore, that he SHOULD want). Burt, brilliantly says, "dude, you're gay. And you're not like Rock Hudson gay, you're really gay. You sing like Diana Ross and you dress like you own a magic chocolate factory. What is wrong with any of that? It's who you are!"
"I'm just tired of being a unicorn, dad."
"You know what they call a unicorn without a horn? A friggin horse."
Father of the goddamn year millenium. I love how much Burt loves his son, and everything that he is.
Schue and Mike slo-mo dance sequence #2, this time with bonus Brad-the-piano-player and sweaty Finn! They're working their butts off in booty camp again, and Finn finally nails a tricky routine. Quinn arrives on the scene with hair re-blonded, white sundress, even the cross around her neck and asks if she can join them. She's welcomed back with hugs from everyone, but when Puck says he's proud of her, she turns on the ice glare. This is all in the name of getting full custody of Beth and OH LOOK, IT'S THE CRAZY TRAIN. CHOO CHOO, MOTHERFUCKERS. Puck looks appropriately terrified.
In the staff room, we get an update on Sue's ridiculous campaign, and she's now in first place. Beiste, Schue and Emma feel the need to derail her and find someone to run against her. Oh, lord, no.
Brittany walks dreamily down the hallway to find Kurt embracing his unicorn-ness and putting up his own fabulous version of her rainbow posters. (He's also wearing one of my all-time least-favorite jackets, sadly.) He tells her she was ever so right and invites her to come over for more strategizing, but she can't. She and Santana are working on Brittany's campaign. She tells him with zero malice, but you can see Kurt's heart drop into his stomach at the thought of having her as competition. Crap.
In the auditorium, we've got one more audition for today. Blaine Anderson is here to absolutely blow "Something's Coming" out of the water in his rolled-up jeans, boat shoes, and the beginning of a long line of red polo shirts.
If you follow me on Tumblr you've probably already heard me say this, but this song was the moment, for me, about Blaine (and, perhaps even more so, about Darren Criss). Certainly I'd been a Blaine fan from the get-go, and rooted for him and Kurt, and all of that. But, frankly, much of 2011 was a blur for me on a personal level, with a special-needs newborn who spent a long time in the hospital and was a high-stress thing when she came home. By the time Season 3 of Glee started that fall, I was finally starting to get a handle on my new life and could pay attention to fun things like my favorite TV show. And then this adorable Warbler performs the hell out of my favorite song from my favorite musical. I was DONE FOR.
Anyways, Blaine kills the song, and I would pay all of the money to actually see Darren as Tony in a full-length production of West Side Story. Seriously, he's perfect, I don't care what Darren says about his voice and vibrato and filling a theater. His densely-packed firecracker of energy is amazing as you watch each movement, ready to explode. The facial expressions, the use of the stage, the voice... the whole thing is magic, and Kurt looks on proudly from the balcony.
The directors cheer from the audience, but pause when they realize Blaine only requested to audition for secondary roles. They ask him to read for Tony. Blaine bites his lip and the conflict is all over his face. He's a performer to his very core, of course he wants the lead. But he knows how much Kurt wants it, too, and doesn't want to be the one to take it from him. Kurt, watching this play out, looks like's on the verge of tears before he turns and leaves.
Oh man, was this a great episode for Kurt fans. I mean, a hard one, because the deck just keeps stacking against his precious unicorn self. He wants to win things, he wants to get the lead. And he is painfully aware of how much easier all of that would be if he could pass. He tries, oh, he tries, but he's so clueless. Just look at his attempts in this episode: the Judy Garland poster? Auditioning for Tony with a song from Funny Girl? Re-auditioning in tights and a feathered hat? At this point in his life, Kurt Hummel can't even butch it up in a trucker hat and flannel. That's who he is. It kind of sucks being a unicorn in high school in Ohio. But, dammit, he can’t NOT be special, he can't NOT be himself.
And then there’s the Quinn/Puck/Shelby thing. Ugh. It has potential to do interesting things for Quinn (who is finally having to deal with the trauma she went through) and Puck (who, despite his badass image, really wants to be a good guy and have something meaningful in his life). But it’s handled so poorly it gives me fits of rage. Sigh.
But really, there’s a lot to love about “I Am Unicorn.” Lots of great character stuff, only three well-chosen and well-performed songs (yes, I frequently like Glee when they have fewer songs per episode), and even Schuester mostly acted like a decent teacher and human being. ACHIEVEMENT!
Thumbs up, I really really enjoy this episode. What about you, dear unicorns?
Back next week with " Asian F" and " Pot o' Gold!"