becoming militant
While I've always agreed with folks like Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens and Bill Maher, I used to think they were a little too dogmatically atheist. I felt they pushed atheism on folks as aggressively as the evangelical Christians or whatever kind of loud, boisterous Christians in general used to push Jesus on me, telling me my soul needed to be saved and what not. I used to hate pushy anybody, no matter what their religious beliefs or lack of religious beliefs were.
But over the past year, I feel myself becoming a militant atheist. Now, I haven't pushed my lack of beliefs on anyone, but I can feel the overwhelming urge to lately. Of course, I wait until the offenders leave the room, then I get huffy. And I completely know why this is.
I am tired of feeling like I have to hide my atheism. I am so sick of the norm being God this and God that all the time. I am so tired of people telling me I need to find God. I am so sick of people telling me I need to pray to God and my troubles will be taken care of. I am so sick of when I do fess up to being an atheist, people shake their heads like I've lost my way or something.
Most recent case in point: Last Wednesday, at the faculty luncheon, one of the assistant principals got up to give a talk. She had been out for a few weeks for thyroid surgery, and she had had 50 masses removed from her neck, all benign. The doctor told her he had never seen someone with that many masses while also being cancer free. She broke down crying on stage, saying that if you don't believe in God, then you need to, because she had just experienced a miracle. What? Congrats on not having cancer, but that wasn't God. If God loved you, you wouldn't have had 50 masses in your throat to begin with. And you're my boss, how dare you tell me I need to believe in God? And this is not the only time a boss has told me to believe in God. My other assistant principal has brought it up twice during formal reprimands (which I didn't deserve, but you all know that story!)
After my brother died, I found it difficult to mourn with the rest of my family because they prayed and talked about their dreams of Jesus. My dad and my aunt (who we barely even know) even had "visions" where they talked to my brother and he told them he was with Jesus. Please, if my brother's going to talk to anyone, he'll come talk to me and not my aunt who had minimal interaction with my brother. It can be argued that I didn't receive a "vision" because I'm not spiritually open to it, but that proves my point exactly. Aren't atheists in the most need of receiving "visions" so that they can become believers too? I have had a few dreams about my brother, and they've mostly just creeped me out and made me sad. I didn't attach too much significance to them, except for the fact that I just miss him. My dad's "vision" came to him while he was wide awake though, but it was the same day my brother died, and he had drunk two pots of coffee all to himself. I don't know about my aunt, she just claims she talks to dead people all the time. The thing is, my sister totally believes them, and it reaffirms her faith in God. It's weird. It separates me from them in the sense that I can't listen to that kind of nonsense when I'm trying to work through my grief my way.
My 90 year old devout Catholic grandparents found out I'm an atheist. They are very upset about this, because they know they're getting old, and they believe that after they die, they won't get to see me again in heaven because I'll be burning in hell. Well, I'm willing to bet that's not true, and neither they nor I will care because we'll be dead.
My friend told me being an atheist means there's no hope. Hope for what? My life is here, on this planet at this time, why would I want it suck if it's my only shot? I don't know why people generalize that all atheists are terrible mean people. Sure, we can be terrible and mean as anybody else. But that doesn't mean we don't think things are beautiful, that we don't love people, and that we don't want to be happy. To me it means I just have to live it up now, because this is all I've got.
I think if I did believe in God, I'd be an even angrier person, because fuck you, why is all this shit happening then? Why the fuck do we need to be tested? Why do we need to keep proving we love him even though he keeps making us miserable? For the promise of eternal happiness later on? If God is real, then he's a controlling boyfriend and the relationship needs to end.
I don't know. I just feel like God people (and most specifically, where I live, Christians) just feel this sense of they can talk about God openly and don't seem to realize it bothers other people. I understand we have freedom of religion, but my school is predominantly Muslim and they don't seem too eager to talk about their religion unless you are genuinely interested (and why would they, when they are trying to overcome the terrorist stigma?) I just feel like if everyone else has to be shamed, so should the Christians. I'm just going to start shaking my head next time someone God talks me. Because, in my lack of a belief system, it's just fucking sad to see grown adults believe in fairy tales.
But over the past year, I feel myself becoming a militant atheist. Now, I haven't pushed my lack of beliefs on anyone, but I can feel the overwhelming urge to lately. Of course, I wait until the offenders leave the room, then I get huffy. And I completely know why this is.
I am tired of feeling like I have to hide my atheism. I am so sick of the norm being God this and God that all the time. I am so tired of people telling me I need to find God. I am so sick of people telling me I need to pray to God and my troubles will be taken care of. I am so sick of when I do fess up to being an atheist, people shake their heads like I've lost my way or something.
Most recent case in point: Last Wednesday, at the faculty luncheon, one of the assistant principals got up to give a talk. She had been out for a few weeks for thyroid surgery, and she had had 50 masses removed from her neck, all benign. The doctor told her he had never seen someone with that many masses while also being cancer free. She broke down crying on stage, saying that if you don't believe in God, then you need to, because she had just experienced a miracle. What? Congrats on not having cancer, but that wasn't God. If God loved you, you wouldn't have had 50 masses in your throat to begin with. And you're my boss, how dare you tell me I need to believe in God? And this is not the only time a boss has told me to believe in God. My other assistant principal has brought it up twice during formal reprimands (which I didn't deserve, but you all know that story!)
After my brother died, I found it difficult to mourn with the rest of my family because they prayed and talked about their dreams of Jesus. My dad and my aunt (who we barely even know) even had "visions" where they talked to my brother and he told them he was with Jesus. Please, if my brother's going to talk to anyone, he'll come talk to me and not my aunt who had minimal interaction with my brother. It can be argued that I didn't receive a "vision" because I'm not spiritually open to it, but that proves my point exactly. Aren't atheists in the most need of receiving "visions" so that they can become believers too? I have had a few dreams about my brother, and they've mostly just creeped me out and made me sad. I didn't attach too much significance to them, except for the fact that I just miss him. My dad's "vision" came to him while he was wide awake though, but it was the same day my brother died, and he had drunk two pots of coffee all to himself. I don't know about my aunt, she just claims she talks to dead people all the time. The thing is, my sister totally believes them, and it reaffirms her faith in God. It's weird. It separates me from them in the sense that I can't listen to that kind of nonsense when I'm trying to work through my grief my way.
My 90 year old devout Catholic grandparents found out I'm an atheist. They are very upset about this, because they know they're getting old, and they believe that after they die, they won't get to see me again in heaven because I'll be burning in hell. Well, I'm willing to bet that's not true, and neither they nor I will care because we'll be dead.
My friend told me being an atheist means there's no hope. Hope for what? My life is here, on this planet at this time, why would I want it suck if it's my only shot? I don't know why people generalize that all atheists are terrible mean people. Sure, we can be terrible and mean as anybody else. But that doesn't mean we don't think things are beautiful, that we don't love people, and that we don't want to be happy. To me it means I just have to live it up now, because this is all I've got.
I think if I did believe in God, I'd be an even angrier person, because fuck you, why is all this shit happening then? Why the fuck do we need to be tested? Why do we need to keep proving we love him even though he keeps making us miserable? For the promise of eternal happiness later on? If God is real, then he's a controlling boyfriend and the relationship needs to end.
I don't know. I just feel like God people (and most specifically, where I live, Christians) just feel this sense of they can talk about God openly and don't seem to realize it bothers other people. I understand we have freedom of religion, but my school is predominantly Muslim and they don't seem too eager to talk about their religion unless you are genuinely interested (and why would they, when they are trying to overcome the terrorist stigma?) I just feel like if everyone else has to be shamed, so should the Christians. I'm just going to start shaking my head next time someone God talks me. Because, in my lack of a belief system, it's just fucking sad to see grown adults believe in fairy tales.