(no subject)
So today my favorite undergrad professor who wrote me recommendations emailed me to inquire to what news I had about getting into grad school. I told him, and he said to think sideways and consider a different field of physics. And then he said, you know, like space science. Well space science is his field, and it is pretty cool. I really wouldn't mind a career in space science, and as we approach the next solar maximum being much more dependent on satellite technology than ever, it's going to be an increasingly important field to be a part of. I know I could probably go back to my undergraduate school no sweat, I know the folks there and they don't require the PGRE for admission. I was accepted there right after I got my bachelors, but I chose to go to CSU instead. Plus they do a lot with NASA and they have a lot of history in that arena going all the way back to the moon landing. (One of my former professors built a mass spectrometer that went to the moon). It's just that personally there's a lot of bad blood between me and Dallas, and the thought of living there again kind of turns my stomach. Nothing against the super cool research. Or the friends that I still have there. But there are reasons (yes, multiple) why I don't go back to visit very often. Sometimes though, if the research is super cool and I know I could easily have access to it, shouldn't it warrant putting personal feelings aside and giving it a little consideration?
I want to receive a very specific phone call. I just feel like I need to know what my future is in the next month. Yes, month, it's getting that close to the end of the school year and to the end of my lease agreement. I am just tired of being in limbo. Shit, I've been in limbo for a whole year now. I know I bitch a lot, but I know my life isn't really that bad. I make decent cash, I have people that love me, I have a fat little cat that chewed the cord to charge my iPod in two, etc. I know that I have no real problems. Okay a dead brother is a REAL problem, but it has seriously cast a shadow on the long series of extreme annoyances that have followed ever since. I'm thinking that perhaps I should seek some sort of grief counseling at some point, or something, because let's face it, I can't talk to my family because they're going through it too. And even though my friends have been super supportive and helpful, let's face it, they don't/didn't have suicidal brothers and they just really don't know what to say in the end. There's really not anything to say, it's just something that's constantly there. There's a lot of stuff about the whole thing that's very disturbing and I just don't even want to talk about it with anyone because I don't want to deal with how they would react to know that that's what he was like. Because he was good and so were his intentions, he was just lost. Always lost.
I waited for over an hour today to see a doctor to find out that the reason I've been sick for over a month is that I have extreme allergies like I've never had before. And this new allergy medicine is making me a little drowsy, and I didn't really sleep last night at all, so I think I'm going to go remedy that issue right now. Goodnight. Somehow I'm going to get through these next 17 days of school.
I want to receive a very specific phone call. I just feel like I need to know what my future is in the next month. Yes, month, it's getting that close to the end of the school year and to the end of my lease agreement. I am just tired of being in limbo. Shit, I've been in limbo for a whole year now. I know I bitch a lot, but I know my life isn't really that bad. I make decent cash, I have people that love me, I have a fat little cat that chewed the cord to charge my iPod in two, etc. I know that I have no real problems. Okay a dead brother is a REAL problem, but it has seriously cast a shadow on the long series of extreme annoyances that have followed ever since. I'm thinking that perhaps I should seek some sort of grief counseling at some point, or something, because let's face it, I can't talk to my family because they're going through it too. And even though my friends have been super supportive and helpful, let's face it, they don't/didn't have suicidal brothers and they just really don't know what to say in the end. There's really not anything to say, it's just something that's constantly there. There's a lot of stuff about the whole thing that's very disturbing and I just don't even want to talk about it with anyone because I don't want to deal with how they would react to know that that's what he was like. Because he was good and so were his intentions, he was just lost. Always lost.
I waited for over an hour today to see a doctor to find out that the reason I've been sick for over a month is that I have extreme allergies like I've never had before. And this new allergy medicine is making me a little drowsy, and I didn't really sleep last night at all, so I think I'm going to go remedy that issue right now. Goodnight. Somehow I'm going to get through these next 17 days of school.