lost
haven't been in the mood to write anything at all, yet I know I should... just to get things out of my system...
the film fest has been over for slightly over a week now, 51 more weeks till the next one! left off at War Photographer the last time - I think best film that I saw - meaningful, inspiring, poignant, yet so humble. Most entertaining has got to be Bowling for Columbine, and most beautiful visuals would either be Winged Migration and Dolls.
I liked Dolls alot, even though everyone was warning me that it'd be slow. It was a montage of stories about relationships, very sad and maybe pessimistic... I'm not sure... one way to see it was that loving someone would ultimately result in pain - death, no less! I prefer to think that it was love in spite of insanity/time/distance... but even then, it's a feeling tinged with sadness... the knowledge of what could have been.
hm the other one I caught was The Son... erm. Sitting in the fourth row for a film with mostly handheld camera work using a very limited depth of field and lots of close-ups was not a good idea at all...! Felt too nauseated to think anything much about the story.
Also caught Spike Lee's 25th Hour which is about a man's last 25 hours before he goes to prison for seven years. Liked it in general, especially the actors, really loved the ending but overall the editing was a bit too much of a distraction. I still think the same thing as I did in Penn State - if the 'effect' doesn't contribute to the story, it doesn't matter if it's style, it still doesn't work! especially if it's jarring... i love jump cuts and crossing the lines etc. but somehow it was a bit much here.
also caught X2 - it's the rare sequel that outdoes its predecessor! 'nuff said.
back in the real world, there's been nothing but sadness. I. and her hubby had a miscarriage, their second time and this time after 5 months. I can't even begin to imagine how they feel, I feel terrible as it is. In circumstances like this, I never know what to say. It seems terrible patronizing and insincere to say I'm sorry, the fact is there's no way I could have helped... it's hard to know how much space people need and i'm never good at expressing myself verbally so I never call. All I did was send her notes now and then to let her know that I'm here. It's so heartbreaking to hear such news...
Bumped into a guy I was absolutely mad about years ago and it brought back such memories. We had such a fantastic connection but somehow he wasn't willing/ready to jump into something more. His wife came by later and it made me think maybe he knew, even then, that he wanted someone less complicated/intense/demanding and more easily content than me. We still have that connection tho', it's so hard to find someone you feel so absolutely comfortable with, someone that you can just be with... our eyes held for a long moment while she got her stuff together. I'm pretty sure I wasn't imagining it. I think he was genuinely happy to see me.
my conclusion is that the price of being me - i crave intensity in (almost) everything, and certain things are just not up for compromise, and the lack of willingness to open my heart - is probably occasional loneliness... actually I'm quite happy being alone, but I hate getting hit by that bug sometimes... like now...
Even friendswise, I don't know anyone other than Gem that I relate to so intensely. Not that there's anything wrong with the rest, I'm very lucky to have truly great friends who I can count on. But with her, it really feels like the cosmic sisters we joke we are... and now she's gone for a month or two, sorting out her life and business. I'm sure it'll all work out right for her, just hope that the bumps and obstacles are few and far between. me, I'm just wallowing and lamenting another empty slot in my life...
However there are a couple of spots of happiness: Joyce is back from Nepal/Tibet, tho' a little sunburnt and suffering from overexposure (to Lai that is); I've been taking out the car out and I haven't injured or killed anyone or myself yet; I have a production job waiting for me so I can get out of this frustrating, unfriendly place; it's great to finally hear children laughing and screaming again in this place after the horrible silence since last month.
other than all that pent-up stuff, been having nightmares with spirits and ghosts and my left eye's been twitching badly... I feel like I'm just waiting for one more bad thing to happen, just waiting for the other shoe to drop...
the film fest has been over for slightly over a week now, 51 more weeks till the next one! left off at War Photographer the last time - I think best film that I saw - meaningful, inspiring, poignant, yet so humble. Most entertaining has got to be Bowling for Columbine, and most beautiful visuals would either be Winged Migration and Dolls.
I liked Dolls alot, even though everyone was warning me that it'd be slow. It was a montage of stories about relationships, very sad and maybe pessimistic... I'm not sure... one way to see it was that loving someone would ultimately result in pain - death, no less! I prefer to think that it was love in spite of insanity/time/distance... but even then, it's a feeling tinged with sadness... the knowledge of what could have been.
hm the other one I caught was The Son... erm. Sitting in the fourth row for a film with mostly handheld camera work using a very limited depth of field and lots of close-ups was not a good idea at all...! Felt too nauseated to think anything much about the story.
Also caught Spike Lee's 25th Hour which is about a man's last 25 hours before he goes to prison for seven years. Liked it in general, especially the actors, really loved the ending but overall the editing was a bit too much of a distraction. I still think the same thing as I did in Penn State - if the 'effect' doesn't contribute to the story, it doesn't matter if it's style, it still doesn't work! especially if it's jarring... i love jump cuts and crossing the lines etc. but somehow it was a bit much here.
also caught X2 - it's the rare sequel that outdoes its predecessor! 'nuff said.
back in the real world, there's been nothing but sadness. I. and her hubby had a miscarriage, their second time and this time after 5 months. I can't even begin to imagine how they feel, I feel terrible as it is. In circumstances like this, I never know what to say. It seems terrible patronizing and insincere to say I'm sorry, the fact is there's no way I could have helped... it's hard to know how much space people need and i'm never good at expressing myself verbally so I never call. All I did was send her notes now and then to let her know that I'm here. It's so heartbreaking to hear such news...
Bumped into a guy I was absolutely mad about years ago and it brought back such memories. We had such a fantastic connection but somehow he wasn't willing/ready to jump into something more. His wife came by later and it made me think maybe he knew, even then, that he wanted someone less complicated/intense/demanding and more easily content than me. We still have that connection tho', it's so hard to find someone you feel so absolutely comfortable with, someone that you can just be with... our eyes held for a long moment while she got her stuff together. I'm pretty sure I wasn't imagining it. I think he was genuinely happy to see me.
my conclusion is that the price of being me - i crave intensity in (almost) everything, and certain things are just not up for compromise, and the lack of willingness to open my heart - is probably occasional loneliness... actually I'm quite happy being alone, but I hate getting hit by that bug sometimes... like now...
Even friendswise, I don't know anyone other than Gem that I relate to so intensely. Not that there's anything wrong with the rest, I'm very lucky to have truly great friends who I can count on. But with her, it really feels like the cosmic sisters we joke we are... and now she's gone for a month or two, sorting out her life and business. I'm sure it'll all work out right for her, just hope that the bumps and obstacles are few and far between. me, I'm just wallowing and lamenting another empty slot in my life...
However there are a couple of spots of happiness: Joyce is back from Nepal/Tibet, tho' a little sunburnt and suffering from overexposure (to Lai that is); I've been taking out the car out and I haven't injured or killed anyone or myself yet; I have a production job waiting for me so I can get out of this frustrating, unfriendly place; it's great to finally hear children laughing and screaming again in this place after the horrible silence since last month.
other than all that pent-up stuff, been having nightmares with spirits and ghosts and my left eye's been twitching badly... I feel like I'm just waiting for one more bad thing to happen, just waiting for the other shoe to drop...