out of it
Sleep is such a distant friend these days. I was wide awake till about 6am this morning, until by around 5, my eyes felt so dry and were about to drop out. I did take a nap after work, but usually I manage to fall asleep, especially when I'm so tired.
dreams and beyond
Once, I did fall asleep around 4-ish, but I fell into that no man's land between wakefulness and sleep... I started dreaming that I was practicing some kind of dance in front of a mirror, but then at some point, I realised that my reflection was not following my movements, but just standing there, frozen in a certain pose. I tried to get it to move, but there was no effect. For some reason, I was shocked and also realised that it was a dream at the same time (yay lucidity!) But then, the shock was so great that outside of the dream, my soul leapt out of my body and I really panicked because I didn't know how to get back in. I think it must have lasted for only a split second, but it felt like longer, like those times when I fainted and had fantastic dreams even though I was out for a couple of minutes(?). I wasn't floating near the ceiling or anything like what people say when they have out-of-body experiences, but just hovering right next to my body. I tried to move but couldn't, so that was a little scary cos I rarely experience sleep paralysis consciously. (it's so apt, BBC News is talking about sleep disorders now! haha)
As for Friday night, I was going to attend some hotel wedding. But I ended up on Kurosawa's period set where they were shooting a war scene, so there was a massive crowd of extras all dressed for war and it was simply chaos. In the middle of the shoot, one of the older extras didn't feel too good, so my friend had to bring him to the hospital, but she wasn't sure where the entrance to the subway was. We went searching for the subway and then I went back to the set.
HUH?!~ I think this is the second time I dreamt I'm on set for a period shoot. The other one had George Clooney and he was dressed in one of those white wigs and red coats but he was merely the curtain puller/stagehand. LOL~
I ended up being so exhausted Saturday morning, I made more mistakes than I ever had so far while teaching, I felt so bad.
Lately I feel a little like I've gone back to that stage of my life in late 2003/early 2004 where I felt like one of Murakami's characters, straddling the murky boundaries of reality, dreams and memories. Work is probably the only thing at which I'm present, and I try to complete at least one errand a day. Other than that, I've not been doing anything to move me towards my unconcrete goals, just drifting from day-to-day, my dreams are more exciting than my life, I hardly do anything, and I don't even make pasta. I'm not really worried about this do-nothing phase this time though, cos I know it'll pass. What worries me more is that I'll never grow as a person and forever be angsty - it scares me that I still wrestle with the same things that I did 10 years ago. But then again, I also know that each lifetime, we come to learn certain lessons, and the Universe just loves to repeat them on a larger and larger scale each time, so that we really learn the lesson. I guess it's another paradox of life that even as we change, we remain the same.
dreams and beyond
Once, I did fall asleep around 4-ish, but I fell into that no man's land between wakefulness and sleep... I started dreaming that I was practicing some kind of dance in front of a mirror, but then at some point, I realised that my reflection was not following my movements, but just standing there, frozen in a certain pose. I tried to get it to move, but there was no effect. For some reason, I was shocked and also realised that it was a dream at the same time (yay lucidity!) But then, the shock was so great that outside of the dream, my soul leapt out of my body and I really panicked because I didn't know how to get back in. I think it must have lasted for only a split second, but it felt like longer, like those times when I fainted and had fantastic dreams even though I was out for a couple of minutes(?). I wasn't floating near the ceiling or anything like what people say when they have out-of-body experiences, but just hovering right next to my body. I tried to move but couldn't, so that was a little scary cos I rarely experience sleep paralysis consciously. (it's so apt, BBC News is talking about sleep disorders now! haha)
As for Friday night, I was going to attend some hotel wedding. But I ended up on Kurosawa's period set where they were shooting a war scene, so there was a massive crowd of extras all dressed for war and it was simply chaos. In the middle of the shoot, one of the older extras didn't feel too good, so my friend had to bring him to the hospital, but she wasn't sure where the entrance to the subway was. We went searching for the subway and then I went back to the set.
HUH?!~ I think this is the second time I dreamt I'm on set for a period shoot. The other one had George Clooney and he was dressed in one of those white wigs and red coats but he was merely the curtain puller/stagehand. LOL~
I ended up being so exhausted Saturday morning, I made more mistakes than I ever had so far while teaching, I felt so bad.
Lately I feel a little like I've gone back to that stage of my life in late 2003/early 2004 where I felt like one of Murakami's characters, straddling the murky boundaries of reality, dreams and memories. Work is probably the only thing at which I'm present, and I try to complete at least one errand a day. Other than that, I've not been doing anything to move me towards my unconcrete goals, just drifting from day-to-day, my dreams are more exciting than my life, I hardly do anything, and I don't even make pasta. I'm not really worried about this do-nothing phase this time though, cos I know it'll pass. What worries me more is that I'll never grow as a person and forever be angsty - it scares me that I still wrestle with the same things that I did 10 years ago. But then again, I also know that each lifetime, we come to learn certain lessons, and the Universe just loves to repeat them on a larger and larger scale each time, so that we really learn the lesson. I guess it's another paradox of life that even as we change, we remain the same.