V 19 months. Etc.
Violet is 19 months old in a couple of days.
It feels like time is going so fast now. Soon she will be 2 and I will be wondering where the hell the last 2 years has gone? I'll also have to be making a decision soon about whether or not I go back to work. Ugh. I just don't know. I feel so grateful that V and I have got to spend so much time together. I'm so glad I get to spend my days with her, laying around in bed together until I feel awake enough to get up. Being silly on the bed and making her laugh. Watching her hide things under the covers like it's a game. She LOVES hiding things now. Sometimes I find strange things under the bed covers or behind cushions. She's so funny. We don't have to rush through breakfast or getting ready, we can spend our days at the library or parks and playgrounds and visiting people. She gets to come shopping with me and follow me around as she "helps" me with chores. Today she helped me put toilet paper in the bathroom and give Jasper his food. She also loves to help me with the laundry. Which really means pull it all out of the basket and play with pegs. Days, of course, are not always this dreamy. I think she is teething at the moment and so she is often clingier and wanting to be near me. And sleep is always a challenge.
Something new she loves doing is playing with her toys and dolls. She covers them up in blankets and kisses them goodnight. She pretend feeds them and pretend reads books to them. It is the cutest thing ever! Chris is making her an outdoor play kitchen (it's going to be so awesome!) and she was in the garage with us on the weekend as he hammered/drilled things. Then today we were in there and she was banging wood against the kitchen top as if she was copying Chris hammering it the other day. Oh and she LOVES watering things too with the little watering can. Unfortunately this is tricky as she often waters all over the deck and then slips in it, so it's an activity that requires close watch.
She can also finish the animal puzzle Mel G bought for her 1st birthday. I don't know when that happened but I noticed it this week that she could put each animal back in it's correct place without hesitation. It's so fun to watch all the little ways she is learning and playing. She loves her DUPLO/Lego too.
So she has her (late) 18 month vaccination tomorrow which I am dreading. It's so heartbreaking to watch but it needs to be done, I just hope she doesn't have any kind of reaction. She is going to grandma and grumpys on Thursday. She didn't cry last week and didn't seem too upset but I still feel like she has this little face of despair... like she knows I'm leaving her but accepts that she can't do anything about it so sort of just resigns herself to it. It still somehow makes me feel guilty even though she is not screaming anymore. I feel guilty that she has to accept that I'm not with her and that maybe she doesn't enjoy herself that much when she's with them. She doesn't run up to me when she returns home anymore either. I don't know what that's about. I guess it's all just part of her accepting it a little bit. I mean, she will still cling onto me and want to be held by me as normal when we get back inside. I guess it's a lot for her to take in and try to understand, and maybe that's what she's doing now. Trying to process and understand what is happening instead of just being flat out distraught by it. When I write things like this I wonder how I could ever go back to my real job- which would have to be more than 1 day a week, probably include childcare and be a lot more stressful.
Chris and I haven't had a proper talk yet but things have been much better this week. Chris is being way more attentive and I've been way more patient and not so snappy. I still think it would help to make some rules and have a talk when we can.
What else? I have my period so I think I'm extra emotional at the moment. I've been feeling more sentimental but at the same time a bit impatient/cranky too which I feel bad about. Blah. Hormones suck.
I can't remember what else I was going to write about now so I'll just stop there..