LJ Idol: Week 1 - Jayus
Jayus
I heard you were getting married, so of course I had to poke around.
A mutual friend said you got down on one knee. You took her for a walk in the the park and handed your camera to an innocent passerby to take your picture. As he said “okay, smile guys”, you got down on your knee. A crowd of onlookers stopped and gathered around in a circle as you told Mary she was the most beautiful woman you have ever seen, and if she would give you the pleasure of making her your wife. The crowd gasped as the passerby snapped a photo of the moment.
Maybe I was bored, so I googled your names.
Yes, her name is Mary, so innocent yet trite. That photo is her facebook default with 157 likes. Her profile happened to be public, so I browsed hundreds of pictures. Those of her hugging smiling friends, those of her graduating medical school surrounded by her proud happy family. Then in the closer weeks there were those of her flashing a beautiful tear dropped shape diamond ring. But the worse I saw were pictures of her and you. Sitting around a table in cocktail dresses with your checks almost touching.
When you look at a picture of a couple, you can almost sense their chemistry. The way how they lean into each other, and the way how their cheeks are a delicate shade of pink when their bodies touch. Your picture made me think you just had passionate sex the entire night before, and now your putting on your public veneer, however sparkling eyes reveal you have fun and dirty little secrets.
Okay, I will still bored. I looked up your wedding registry, honestly it wasn't hard to find.
The registry was recently made, you probably spent last Sunday wearing your comfy sundress, holding her hand as you rummaged through bed bath and beyond, giggling and aiming the scanner at everything you wished for. I see you wished for 16 sets of of porcelain bird china, and those who love you already purchased 12. You also requested a kitchen aid, a new vacuum, a Kate Spade bedspread, and the new towels in the color “butterscotch”.
When we were together our towels were in “Butterscotch”.
My life crumbled when you left me and I remained alone. You moved along, and took Mary with you. Maybe I would have been okay one day if I would have taken you leaving me for Mary as a chance to travel the world alone, or allowed me to apply for medical schools which I quit to fucking support you. Mary graduated medical school, is a doctor what you truly wanted all along? Maybe I would have been okay, moved on, and stopped googling your wedding registry. Maybe I never would have googled it at all.
But you had to pick our color of towels, haven't you? That was supposed to be ours. So fuck you both again.
Mary updated her facebook status, she was “being taken out by her sexy girl” to a lovely dinner on the water. Too bad Mary didn't realize that when she makes statuses like that, her stalkers know she isn't home.
I threw on my black lacy dress, the one that always turned you on. I put on my purple jeweled earrings, the ones you got me on our second anniversary. I hopped into my jeep and drove to the bar. I slammed them down with the local drunks, laughing at their horrible jokes but smiling even more at my own. I drove to Bed Bath and Beyond and bought those 5 butterscotch colored towels, one to represent each year we were together. I can't believe you had the nerve to put on your fucking registry.
Maybe the happy couple deserved an early wedding gift.
I then walked next door to AC Moore and bought some brushes and red paint. I painted the word “slut” on some of the towels” and “homewreaker” on the rest. I drove to her empty house and layed the towels across the lawn, covering the grass and the few dandelions scattered over the lawn.
After I finished I gazed at my work. Her neighbor hesitantly approached me and asked if I was okay. My drunken self started shouting. “Of course I am okay. My ex girlfriend left me for your slut neighbor, is getting married and left my pathetic self alone”.
The neighbor told me I am crazy. Maybe she was right.
You abused me emotionally and sexually. You told me I wasn't good enough for you, and I should want to be with you because you were the only one would would ever put up with me. Someone might be attracted to me at first, but once they got to know me they would leave.
But you left. You left me for perfect Mary. I picked up a rock and threw it at Mary's house, while the neighbor said she was going to call the cops. I looked at her and screamed. Here I am hitting rock bottom, while you were taking Mary out to dinner. Fuck you both.
I ran into my car and took off. You are now officially out of my life.
I laughed, then laughed harder until my checks hurt, then I laughed some more.
I still love you, you bitch.
I heard you were getting married, so of course I had to poke around.
A mutual friend said you got down on one knee. You took her for a walk in the the park and handed your camera to an innocent passerby to take your picture. As he said “okay, smile guys”, you got down on your knee. A crowd of onlookers stopped and gathered around in a circle as you told Mary she was the most beautiful woman you have ever seen, and if she would give you the pleasure of making her your wife. The crowd gasped as the passerby snapped a photo of the moment.
Maybe I was bored, so I googled your names.
Yes, her name is Mary, so innocent yet trite. That photo is her facebook default with 157 likes. Her profile happened to be public, so I browsed hundreds of pictures. Those of her hugging smiling friends, those of her graduating medical school surrounded by her proud happy family. Then in the closer weeks there were those of her flashing a beautiful tear dropped shape diamond ring. But the worse I saw were pictures of her and you. Sitting around a table in cocktail dresses with your checks almost touching.
When you look at a picture of a couple, you can almost sense their chemistry. The way how they lean into each other, and the way how their cheeks are a delicate shade of pink when their bodies touch. Your picture made me think you just had passionate sex the entire night before, and now your putting on your public veneer, however sparkling eyes reveal you have fun and dirty little secrets.
Okay, I will still bored. I looked up your wedding registry, honestly it wasn't hard to find.
The registry was recently made, you probably spent last Sunday wearing your comfy sundress, holding her hand as you rummaged through bed bath and beyond, giggling and aiming the scanner at everything you wished for. I see you wished for 16 sets of of porcelain bird china, and those who love you already purchased 12. You also requested a kitchen aid, a new vacuum, a Kate Spade bedspread, and the new towels in the color “butterscotch”.
When we were together our towels were in “Butterscotch”.
My life crumbled when you left me and I remained alone. You moved along, and took Mary with you. Maybe I would have been okay one day if I would have taken you leaving me for Mary as a chance to travel the world alone, or allowed me to apply for medical schools which I quit to fucking support you. Mary graduated medical school, is a doctor what you truly wanted all along? Maybe I would have been okay, moved on, and stopped googling your wedding registry. Maybe I never would have googled it at all.
But you had to pick our color of towels, haven't you? That was supposed to be ours. So fuck you both again.
Mary updated her facebook status, she was “being taken out by her sexy girl” to a lovely dinner on the water. Too bad Mary didn't realize that when she makes statuses like that, her stalkers know she isn't home.
I threw on my black lacy dress, the one that always turned you on. I put on my purple jeweled earrings, the ones you got me on our second anniversary. I hopped into my jeep and drove to the bar. I slammed them down with the local drunks, laughing at their horrible jokes but smiling even more at my own. I drove to Bed Bath and Beyond and bought those 5 butterscotch colored towels, one to represent each year we were together. I can't believe you had the nerve to put on your fucking registry.
Maybe the happy couple deserved an early wedding gift.
I then walked next door to AC Moore and bought some brushes and red paint. I painted the word “slut” on some of the towels” and “homewreaker” on the rest. I drove to her empty house and layed the towels across the lawn, covering the grass and the few dandelions scattered over the lawn.
After I finished I gazed at my work. Her neighbor hesitantly approached me and asked if I was okay. My drunken self started shouting. “Of course I am okay. My ex girlfriend left me for your slut neighbor, is getting married and left my pathetic self alone”.
The neighbor told me I am crazy. Maybe she was right.
You abused me emotionally and sexually. You told me I wasn't good enough for you, and I should want to be with you because you were the only one would would ever put up with me. Someone might be attracted to me at first, but once they got to know me they would leave.
But you left. You left me for perfect Mary. I picked up a rock and threw it at Mary's house, while the neighbor said she was going to call the cops. I looked at her and screamed. Here I am hitting rock bottom, while you were taking Mary out to dinner. Fuck you both.
I ran into my car and took off. You are now officially out of my life.
I laughed, then laughed harder until my checks hurt, then I laughed some more.
I still love you, you bitch.