Valium still in my system, but thought these funny anyway.
* Cheerup post*
(If you can guess how this one goes - you win)
A 13 year old boy walked down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He walked up to a house of ill repute and knocked on the door.
When the Madame answered it, she saw the boy and asked what he wanted.
He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money and I'm not leaving until I do".
The Madame figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked.
He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?"
Of course, the Madame said no, but the boy replied, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making it with Amber. So THAT'S the girl I want!"
Since the boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madame told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madame, and headed out the door.
The Madame stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"
He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with my babysitter. After they leave, my babysitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of little boys. She will get the disease that I just caught.
When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the babysitter hom. On the way, he'll jump her bones, and he'll catch the disease.
Then when Dad gets home from the babysitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex and Mom will catch it.
In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease...
and HE'S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG!
(This is TOTAL crack...I love it)
Two doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading:
"Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology".
The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to "Hysterias and Posteriors".
This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council they changed the sign to "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids". No go.
Next they tried, "Catatonics and High Colonics". Thumbs down again.
Then came "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives". Still no good.
Another attempt resulted in "Minds & Behinds". Unacceptable.
So they tried, "Lost Souls and Butt Holes". No way.
"Analysis and Anal Cysts"? Nope.
"Nuts & Butts"? Uh uh.
"Freeks & Cheeks"? Still no go.
"Loons & Moons"? Forget it.
Almost at their wit's end, the doctors finally came up with:
"Dr. Smith and Dr. jones, Odds and Ends".
Pics:
What do you do when you co-worker goes away.......
I think some one at NASA sould do the last one. I was sorely tempted to do the first one to my boss, but then realized I'd have to clean it up.
(If you can guess how this one goes - you win)
A 13 year old boy walked down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He walked up to a house of ill repute and knocked on the door.
When the Madame answered it, she saw the boy and asked what he wanted.
He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money and I'm not leaving until I do".
The Madame figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked.
He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?"
Of course, the Madame said no, but the boy replied, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making it with Amber. So THAT'S the girl I want!"
Since the boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madame told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madame, and headed out the door.
The Madame stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"
He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with my babysitter. After they leave, my babysitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of little boys. She will get the disease that I just caught.
When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the babysitter hom. On the way, he'll jump her bones, and he'll catch the disease.
Then when Dad gets home from the babysitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex and Mom will catch it.
In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease...
and HE'S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG!
(This is TOTAL crack...I love it)
Two doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading:
"Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology".
The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to "Hysterias and Posteriors".
This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council they changed the sign to "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids". No go.
Next they tried, "Catatonics and High Colonics". Thumbs down again.
Then came "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives". Still no good.
Another attempt resulted in "Minds & Behinds". Unacceptable.
So they tried, "Lost Souls and Butt Holes". No way.
"Analysis and Anal Cysts"? Nope.
"Nuts & Butts"? Uh uh.
"Freeks & Cheeks"? Still no go.
"Loons & Moons"? Forget it.
Almost at their wit's end, the doctors finally came up with:
"Dr. Smith and Dr. jones, Odds and Ends".
Pics:
What do you do when you co-worker goes away.......
I think some one at NASA sould do the last one. I was sorely tempted to do the first one to my boss, but then realized I'd have to clean it up.