bittersweet
last night i did the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I let her go. I know she doesnt agree but in time maybe she will. Two things you need for a relationship. trust and communication. Its hard for us to communicate has been since she started at Johnson. and thats not to make her feel bad. She needs to be there. its right. but shes always sick. and busy. and we just never talk. that makes it hard.
two. i thought taking her back was the right thing at the time. and i didnt fully take her back cause i never wanted to hurt her again. but i realized it wasnt right. its not right to only half be with someone and be with others at the same time...which im also done with. im over it. i just either want to be fully single. or fully with someone. but it cant be with shy right now. she says the poems were how she felt. but i feel in the bottum of my heart she wasnt healed yet. and she hasnt forgotten and never will. and i dont now if shes fully forgiven me for what i did. she might think she has. but i feel like there is jealousy right now..
sorry my minds all over the place i only got 4 hours of sleep. completely exhausted. but yea. cried my eyes out last night. hating that i had to hurt her again. but i just want her to be happy and i dont think im the one who can give that. and i dont like that she comes to visit and all feels so great like it used to. but then she goes back and its like ...shes gone. we dont talk...and i dont even know..... i really hate that i had to hurt her..ive never broken up with anyone before..fucking sucks. but i really just want her to be happy. i want her to heal. to realize how much she deserves. and i want to be happy too. i want her to truly figure out if shes just holding on to someting shes known for three years or if its what she truly wants for the rest of her life...and i want to realize that too.
I hope she seeks comfort. love. and true friendship through this. I hope she knows I will always love her. I will always miss what we had. and that im here for her. always. if she needs to vent laugh cry, a hug. and that she has friends here who love her with all our hearts and they are here to help her. and listen to her.
I will always be sorry for the way things went between me and her. always. but its so bittersweet to know that in the end. her and i will both be happy.
I let her go. I know she doesnt agree but in time maybe she will. Two things you need for a relationship. trust and communication. Its hard for us to communicate has been since she started at Johnson. and thats not to make her feel bad. She needs to be there. its right. but shes always sick. and busy. and we just never talk. that makes it hard.
two. i thought taking her back was the right thing at the time. and i didnt fully take her back cause i never wanted to hurt her again. but i realized it wasnt right. its not right to only half be with someone and be with others at the same time...which im also done with. im over it. i just either want to be fully single. or fully with someone. but it cant be with shy right now. she says the poems were how she felt. but i feel in the bottum of my heart she wasnt healed yet. and she hasnt forgotten and never will. and i dont now if shes fully forgiven me for what i did. she might think she has. but i feel like there is jealousy right now..
sorry my minds all over the place i only got 4 hours of sleep. completely exhausted. but yea. cried my eyes out last night. hating that i had to hurt her again. but i just want her to be happy and i dont think im the one who can give that. and i dont like that she comes to visit and all feels so great like it used to. but then she goes back and its like ...shes gone. we dont talk...and i dont even know..... i really hate that i had to hurt her..ive never broken up with anyone before..fucking sucks. but i really just want her to be happy. i want her to heal. to realize how much she deserves. and i want to be happy too. i want her to truly figure out if shes just holding on to someting shes known for three years or if its what she truly wants for the rest of her life...and i want to realize that too.
I hope she seeks comfort. love. and true friendship through this. I hope she knows I will always love her. I will always miss what we had. and that im here for her. always. if she needs to vent laugh cry, a hug. and that she has friends here who love her with all our hearts and they are here to help her. and listen to her.
I will always be sorry for the way things went between me and her. always. but its so bittersweet to know that in the end. her and i will both be happy.