Freaking the Fuck out!
I'm like freaking out! I'm having one of my realization where I just start thinking and everything just comes at once and I don't know how to deal with it. I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life. Time is ticking and i'm wasting my freshman year, I'm afraid that time will be over and I'll be unhappy with whatever I've decided to do, or I won't be able to make a decision when I have to. Should I follow my heart, or should I just do something that I like that will give me financial stability. I am interested in Physical Therapy and forensics, but Science was not my favorite subject in school and I'm afraid that will catch up to me. I feel like I so totally should have done a PG year, then I could be freaking out right now and realize I'm still in highschool have haven't ruined my Freshman year in college. I know it's only first semester, but second semester is approaching quickly and I have no idea what I want to do. If I follow my heaert I'll do something with music, or writing, or history, and chances are then i'll end up as a teacher, and have to work another job in order to get along. I want to offer my family stability. In making this decision not only making a decision for myself, but for my future family. I want to be able to if my children want to go to private school like cory and i did be able to write the check right then and there and be done with it. To buy my kids cars when they're 16 years old to live comfortable and have a gorgeous old house and be able to have it fixed up the way I want it to be. I don't want to have to worry about borrowing money and cutting back if my spouse loses his job. I want to have enough money saved where we'll be ok. I don't want to go through what my family did when my dad lost his job. I just want to live comfortably, but is it worth it to have the stability and not be doing something you love. Follow your heart everyone always tells you, but does it even out in the end when you're struggling and working two jobs just to do what you love, or going hungry, not being able to go out to breakfast every sunday morning? You're told in highschool that once you get to college you can do whatever you want and follow your dreams, is that true? Do you really get to do what you love, or do what you think is practical and will make for a stable life? I don't know what I want to do with my life, should I take a semester off so I don't ruin my life, will taking a semester off ruin my life. I'm just so freaked by the fact that I am wasting time not knowing what I want to do, while other kids are out partying having a blast with a set future. I'm sitting in my room thinking wether I should transfer or not, and if I do what I'd be transfering for, and what that school would have to have. Should I be a nurse, could I handle the blood? I hate blood, could I get over that? Should I have to get over that in order to reep the benefits? I'm so confused and freaked!