(no subject)
how to drop my pen and write
who am i kidding i dont even have a pen?
type.type.type this letter at 2:10
p.m.
where do i go, tell me faith, where do i hide?
sometimes i wish now i had a heavenly father to guide
but the truth isn't out there, i have to find it within
it isn't so easy to believe when the walls are so thin
an exterior force, a face to pray to
is that really so valuable that it changes everything?
i dislike labels and i don't want to define anything
nor do i want to be defined for periods at a time
im so cold and a little bit alone
deep walls in my heart are falling
deep holes gaping in their crevices
and i see now that those wounds are still there
never healed and never erased
history is marked on my face
in the worries and the look
innnocent no longer
i fear, i feel pain i don't understand
i want a familiar touch or voice
please don't let me spiral again
far too many people count on me
it's selfish to let myself go
i have a lot to live for
we all do
i will prove to myself that this fight is on
and i'm here to stay
however badly i sound when singing my song
i know you're with me
i know i'll trust you
i won't forget you
i've never forgotten any of you
from the first one to the last girl
from the first friend to the last "churl"
from my family to my relatives
i am here for you still
and you can help me
by pulling me out
by pushing me on
by doing what you've all always been doing
i just gotta learn to appreciate it more
thank you, thank you
heavenly father
this is your son preparing for the slaughter
i am a fool
i am no bother
i live for tomorrow
icant wait! how exciting
a lover.
im crazy. it's 2:36. wtf am i doing. im seriously ...am deserving of being ignored. so i think i will do just that - ignore my own desire to write and write and write weird things for the rest of the night, and just go to bed. because..it's quiet. and quiet in new unfamiliar palces freaks me out. because it's too quiet. and all the furniture looks weird in the light. and...my position is funny. and this just....ahh. i dont know. ::freak::freak::. i hope i dont wake up till 1 tomororrw.
thank you, thank you. self-absorbed, narcissistic, pretentious, overly...self-centered, self-invovled. these are the labels that people fling onto christina aguilera. why? because she's actually unafraid to explore and discvoer herself? to push herself? to undersatnd herself in every way? to define herself? to be conscious of herself? it's not obsession, it's religion. not to worship yourself, but realize that it's worthy of worship. because it was made by god, and not to put yourself down for god, but to praise yourself for him, for himi in you, for you in you. for your very existence. to live....unabashedly, to be proud. to live unashamedly. to be able to say you made mistakes and still live proudly. to be able to make mistakes and make them proudly as a human being. to not be judged, to not judge yourself. to not judge others. to live unapologetically - not to other people - but to life as an entity, to fate as a karmic process, to yourself as a learning and growing being...
to be aware. and always MINDFUL - is the general prevalent term - to be mindful of what you do and what you are. a living and breathing organism, nature's machine, a physical body, with physical needs. it could all end with a stop of the beat or the breath. it's over. it's done. the mechanism fails and the creature dies. death. interesting. but then the soul goes on, up or down, or both, or neither. don't get trapped. it's the worst. or cycling, repetitively. break out of it.
break out, break out. newwww things. no molds. no more circles. out of the anger, out of the sorrow. live till today becomes tomorrow.
who am i kidding i dont even have a pen?
type.type.type this letter at 2:10
p.m.
where do i go, tell me faith, where do i hide?
sometimes i wish now i had a heavenly father to guide
but the truth isn't out there, i have to find it within
it isn't so easy to believe when the walls are so thin
an exterior force, a face to pray to
is that really so valuable that it changes everything?
i dislike labels and i don't want to define anything
nor do i want to be defined for periods at a time
im so cold and a little bit alone
deep walls in my heart are falling
deep holes gaping in their crevices
and i see now that those wounds are still there
never healed and never erased
history is marked on my face
in the worries and the look
innnocent no longer
i fear, i feel pain i don't understand
i want a familiar touch or voice
please don't let me spiral again
far too many people count on me
it's selfish to let myself go
i have a lot to live for
we all do
i will prove to myself that this fight is on
and i'm here to stay
however badly i sound when singing my song
i know you're with me
i know i'll trust you
i won't forget you
i've never forgotten any of you
from the first one to the last girl
from the first friend to the last "churl"
from my family to my relatives
i am here for you still
and you can help me
by pulling me out
by pushing me on
by doing what you've all always been doing
i just gotta learn to appreciate it more
thank you, thank you
heavenly father
this is your son preparing for the slaughter
i am a fool
i am no bother
i live for tomorrow
icant wait! how exciting
a lover.
im crazy. it's 2:36. wtf am i doing. im seriously ...am deserving of being ignored. so i think i will do just that - ignore my own desire to write and write and write weird things for the rest of the night, and just go to bed. because..it's quiet. and quiet in new unfamiliar palces freaks me out. because it's too quiet. and all the furniture looks weird in the light. and...my position is funny. and this just....ahh. i dont know. ::freak::freak::. i hope i dont wake up till 1 tomororrw.
thank you, thank you. self-absorbed, narcissistic, pretentious, overly...self-centered, self-invovled. these are the labels that people fling onto christina aguilera. why? because she's actually unafraid to explore and discvoer herself? to push herself? to undersatnd herself in every way? to define herself? to be conscious of herself? it's not obsession, it's religion. not to worship yourself, but realize that it's worthy of worship. because it was made by god, and not to put yourself down for god, but to praise yourself for him, for himi in you, for you in you. for your very existence. to live....unabashedly, to be proud. to live unashamedly. to be able to say you made mistakes and still live proudly. to be able to make mistakes and make them proudly as a human being. to not be judged, to not judge yourself. to not judge others. to live unapologetically - not to other people - but to life as an entity, to fate as a karmic process, to yourself as a learning and growing being...
to be aware. and always MINDFUL - is the general prevalent term - to be mindful of what you do and what you are. a living and breathing organism, nature's machine, a physical body, with physical needs. it could all end with a stop of the beat or the breath. it's over. it's done. the mechanism fails and the creature dies. death. interesting. but then the soul goes on, up or down, or both, or neither. don't get trapped. it's the worst. or cycling, repetitively. break out of it.
break out, break out. newwww things. no molds. no more circles. out of the anger, out of the sorrow. live till today becomes tomorrow.