(no subject)
I'm sick, its a holiday, and rainy. I guess I'll update.
If I was asked to describe myself, the person I would describe
would be nothing like who I really am. I work, sleep, and
go out. My life rarely has slow paced days and if they are
its boredom, not relaxation. Its sad
I feel like I'm just a one-thing-at-a-time kind of person. And
I see myself as working on the whole getting a head in life stage
and not in the have fun while doing so. I keep telling myself
once I'm done with this I'll have fun, be spontaneous, travel.
I'm on track to graduate a semester early, so perhaps instead of
picking up a minor or dual major I'll study abroad and travel for
a semester. But that seems like a waste of time.
Wasted time. Thats what I'm most afraid of. I can't spend the night
with my family in phoenix, because I could miss something going on
in tempe with my friends. But at the same time trendy theory tells
me that I'm doing just that. Wasting time going to school and working.
I'm split. The individual I think of myself as is the wilderness raised
boyscout. Concerned with worldly pursuits of happiness, helping other, and
just enjoying the world around me. The individual that I really am is the
fast-paced society driven drone trying to put a lifetime of work behind me
so I can slow down.
Work is stress. No one understands except Justin who experiences it with me.
In some senses its an easy job with great benefits. Then again, everyday I
wake up and dream up excuses to avoid going in. The corporate ass-kissing
structure it works under is disgusting. Getting time off, say one friday a month
is like trying to castrate yourself. I decided I'd put in my one year with the
bank and look for something else. My entire family freaks at the thought of me
finding something else. Money is tighter than ever, and the tuition reimbursement
that comes with it is necessary. Only thing is I wouldn't qualify til next semester
and it wouldn't be until after december I can receive it. Blahhh
I can't type much more today
If I was asked to describe myself, the person I would describe
would be nothing like who I really am. I work, sleep, and
go out. My life rarely has slow paced days and if they are
its boredom, not relaxation. Its sad
I feel like I'm just a one-thing-at-a-time kind of person. And
I see myself as working on the whole getting a head in life stage
and not in the have fun while doing so. I keep telling myself
once I'm done with this I'll have fun, be spontaneous, travel.
I'm on track to graduate a semester early, so perhaps instead of
picking up a minor or dual major I'll study abroad and travel for
a semester. But that seems like a waste of time.
Wasted time. Thats what I'm most afraid of. I can't spend the night
with my family in phoenix, because I could miss something going on
in tempe with my friends. But at the same time trendy theory tells
me that I'm doing just that. Wasting time going to school and working.
I'm split. The individual I think of myself as is the wilderness raised
boyscout. Concerned with worldly pursuits of happiness, helping other, and
just enjoying the world around me. The individual that I really am is the
fast-paced society driven drone trying to put a lifetime of work behind me
so I can slow down.
Work is stress. No one understands except Justin who experiences it with me.
In some senses its an easy job with great benefits. Then again, everyday I
wake up and dream up excuses to avoid going in. The corporate ass-kissing
structure it works under is disgusting. Getting time off, say one friday a month
is like trying to castrate yourself. I decided I'd put in my one year with the
bank and look for something else. My entire family freaks at the thought of me
finding something else. Money is tighter than ever, and the tuition reimbursement
that comes with it is necessary. Only thing is I wouldn't qualify til next semester
and it wouldn't be until after december I can receive it. Blahhh
I can't type much more today