Running,
I think too many times I don't try hard enough, or I don't try at all so that when things go wrong, at least I can convince myself that it's due to the lack of effort. Because if I try and fail, it means I'm not good enough. I don't want to know that I'm not good enough. I'm scared of finding that out, especially if it's about something I like. I'm embarrassed to expose my own shortcomings. What if I never become good at the things I like, what if I keep failing despite trying many times. But if I don't try, how will I ever get better.
I think I'm more afraid of failure than I let myself believe, and I'm afraid of developing a passion for things that are not yet within my reach.
I protect myself too much and I don't dare to let my walls come down.
If I don't try now, when will I ever.
But I just can't start, I'm terrified.