So...

[livinginurltrs]

...like all creatures of habit, I have once again returned to what I know can somewhat fulfill my boredom...LIVEJOURNAL. Everyone else has pretty much gone back to school already. Haha I should have probably stayed in Merrimack toward the end of my vacation rather than going in the beginning, because I know a lot more people there who are not going back to school until some time after me. Meh, c'est la vie. I will know better for next year. However, since there is not much to do, it has left me alone with my thoughts, and things that I have been pushing aside have been catching up to my conscience... So, I love college and contrary to my thoughts at my darkest hour in the last part of my senior year...I have actually achieved some normalcy. This of course is referring to the whole diabetic thing. It is funny, I actually don't even like mentioning it in here because I feel like it makes me foreign in some way. I do not know, it is actually hard to explain. I mean, unless you live with me, you would probably never even really know that I have it. I tend not to bring it up to friends until a situation presents itself...which is only if I eat meals with them (even then I sometimes just go in the bathroom to do my shot) or if they stay overnight (which also I can just do my shots in private.) So really family and close friends know...which I mean not everyone needs to know. That is not the bad part of this whole situation. It is just...taking care of my diabetes has gone from the top of my priority list to down a few too many notches. I mean I take all of my shots when I am supposed too...but there are other things that I should be doing that I am not. I would get into details...but I do not want to make this seem like a big deal. I guess I am putting it on a level right now where it is not as real to me. The question that I am facing is...is that okay? I mean, can I just not take care of myself as well as I should while I am in college because of just that fact...I am in college. None of this is going to effect me now...but as I have been told it could effect my quality/length of life much later on. Who knows how long that would be anyway though. So do I just take okay care of myself and enjoy life because I have it right now and there is no way to know how long you are going to be here...or do I need to think about it more and assume that it will help me in the future. I have been trying to be better about it, but this inner conflict does not help my mind stick to what I need to do. I mean if you had asked me 6 months ago I would have said that taking care of my diabetes and keeping it under control is top priority...now I think it is more enjoying life. I just do not want to regret the choices that I make now. I do not even really like to think about this, but I know that it is important and I pushed it to the back of my mind all semester. I do not know. Funny how so often our minds come to that conclusion. I am going to take that back. I think that somewhere in my thoughts, I do know, but I can not find it for the life of me.

<3 to anyone who actually reads this.