Welcoming the New Neighbor
Remember that poor, homeless hooker I was telling you about? Well, she called me today & she has moved in to the trailer park. She met anther godless young woman there who was looking for a roommate & viola, the hooker is my neighbor. Now, I have never met this other woman, but I can assume she does not know God because when Yvonne showed me around the place, every channel on that big screen TV was porn. No Fox News, TBN, Desperate Housewives, nothing a decent person ought to be watching. The choices were Blow Job, Cum, & Ass Licking. Seriously, this was on every channel. She must have some sorta foreign satellite, because I am not getting those channels on mine. I went right home & made sure. But anyway, I decided to welcome my new neighbor the proper way, with a casserole.
I whipped up an old family recipe, passed down to me from my momma & the generations of women before her. A moist, hot Finger Lickin' Good Beaver casserole has always been considered the foundation of the long & happy marriages in my family. We Duncan women are known far & wide for our beaver. My daddy always said he could eat my momma's beaver every day & all night too. But enough about my momma's beaver. I put this fine casserole in my best dish, which you know I already have labeled with my name & address to make sure I get it back from church suppers, & carried over to her house. Well, she must have been out on business, because nobody was home. I just decided to leave it at the door so it would be waiting when one of them got home. I'm sure they'll have worked up quite an appetite.
As I was walking off, I got to thinking about those two women eating my beaver & was just over come by the filthiest of notions. I knew it was wrong. I knew leaving them the casserole was the neighborly thing to do, but I just couldn't let this go. This close to their heathen lair, the devil himself had taken hold of me.
After making sure no one was looking, I skittered back up on the porch, peeled back the foil, & peed on the casserole. That's right, I peed on it. I even wiggled to make sure it got good & covered. It's a moist, flavorful dish anyway, so I doubt they'll notice anything.
Eventhough I knew what I had done was another in a long list of my sins, I snickered as I walked off that porch. God will forgive my brand of justice. I had struck a righteous blow against Satan & his corruption inside my own community. If momma were still with us she would have been my first call when I got home. But I know she's laughing up in Heaven right now.
And all those girls will ever know is Bianca Duncan has the most moist & delicious beaver they have ever tasted.
I whipped up an old family recipe, passed down to me from my momma & the generations of women before her. A moist, hot Finger Lickin' Good Beaver casserole has always been considered the foundation of the long & happy marriages in my family. We Duncan women are known far & wide for our beaver. My daddy always said he could eat my momma's beaver every day & all night too. But enough about my momma's beaver. I put this fine casserole in my best dish, which you know I already have labeled with my name & address to make sure I get it back from church suppers, & carried over to her house. Well, she must have been out on business, because nobody was home. I just decided to leave it at the door so it would be waiting when one of them got home. I'm sure they'll have worked up quite an appetite.
As I was walking off, I got to thinking about those two women eating my beaver & was just over come by the filthiest of notions. I knew it was wrong. I knew leaving them the casserole was the neighborly thing to do, but I just couldn't let this go. This close to their heathen lair, the devil himself had taken hold of me.
After making sure no one was looking, I skittered back up on the porch, peeled back the foil, & peed on the casserole. That's right, I peed on it. I even wiggled to make sure it got good & covered. It's a moist, flavorful dish anyway, so I doubt they'll notice anything.
Eventhough I knew what I had done was another in a long list of my sins, I snickered as I walked off that porch. God will forgive my brand of justice. I had struck a righteous blow against Satan & his corruption inside my own community. If momma were still with us she would have been my first call when I got home. But I know she's laughing up in Heaven right now.
And all those girls will ever know is Bianca Duncan has the most moist & delicious beaver they have ever tasted.