Adler and distancing strategies
Entry: #00381
My deepest thanks go out to Alfred Adler. I know I've been taught his neo-Freudian theories before, but I was finally able to relate to part of his theory today during my class on personality theory. Adler introduced that individuals are constantly in this struggle for superiority and this failure leads to feelings of inferiority (obviously), which is where we get the common day notion of inferiority complex. So in order to cope with such situations he developed the idea of safe guards, which are similar to Freud's defense mechanisms. I'm sure everyone can relate to the idea of defense mechanisms and has used most of them at one point or another in their lives... this is no surprise. Adler's coping mechanisms are a little different; they fall into three main categories: excuses and rationalizations, aggressive strategies and distancing strategies. As we went over the third one, I felt this tightening in my chest and this sense that everyone was paying attention to me (there are only like 6 students in the class). It was as though everything I had ever been hiding or denying had been revealed and my professor was just describing me and my way of coping. In my notes, all I wrote about distancing strategies is "restrict involvement in life in some way; avoid situations in which you could fail-motivational paralysis coming from fear of failure."
Normally I can attribute my distance to the fact that "I'm independent" or to my ADD and my inability to focus/concentrate like others. But now I feel like the secret is out...maybe it was only a secret to me to begin with. I'm going to make a conscious effort to "grow up" a little and hopefully find another coping mechanism. Sure I'm still scared of failure and rejection, but who isn't? As I am about to start my last year as an undergraduate, I realize how normal it is for people to face minor failures and rejections, but I've seen other people overcome them, which means I can to. I think this will be easier to change in an academic context, but when it comes to relationships, I'm still a little apprehensive. I'm hoping my friends will be there to support me and point out when I'm distancing myself from things that I'm scared are going to make me happy. After my three weeks in Manhattan, I feel like I'm a little more at peace with myself and where I am in my life, but that doesn't mean that I don't miss a certain someone immensely. As it has come to an end, I'm thankful that I could experience feelings that I've never felt before. I'm pleased with allowing myself to love and to be loved in return. And while that love has evolved and changed into something a bit different, I can't help but think that I won't ever love someone like that again, but I'm not going to stop myself if I'm lucky enough to feel that way again.
My deepest thanks go out to Alfred Adler. I know I've been taught his neo-Freudian theories before, but I was finally able to relate to part of his theory today during my class on personality theory. Adler introduced that individuals are constantly in this struggle for superiority and this failure leads to feelings of inferiority (obviously), which is where we get the common day notion of inferiority complex. So in order to cope with such situations he developed the idea of safe guards, which are similar to Freud's defense mechanisms. I'm sure everyone can relate to the idea of defense mechanisms and has used most of them at one point or another in their lives... this is no surprise. Adler's coping mechanisms are a little different; they fall into three main categories: excuses and rationalizations, aggressive strategies and distancing strategies. As we went over the third one, I felt this tightening in my chest and this sense that everyone was paying attention to me (there are only like 6 students in the class). It was as though everything I had ever been hiding or denying had been revealed and my professor was just describing me and my way of coping. In my notes, all I wrote about distancing strategies is "restrict involvement in life in some way; avoid situations in which you could fail-motivational paralysis coming from fear of failure."
Normally I can attribute my distance to the fact that "I'm independent" or to my ADD and my inability to focus/concentrate like others. But now I feel like the secret is out...maybe it was only a secret to me to begin with. I'm going to make a conscious effort to "grow up" a little and hopefully find another coping mechanism. Sure I'm still scared of failure and rejection, but who isn't? As I am about to start my last year as an undergraduate, I realize how normal it is for people to face minor failures and rejections, but I've seen other people overcome them, which means I can to. I think this will be easier to change in an academic context, but when it comes to relationships, I'm still a little apprehensive. I'm hoping my friends will be there to support me and point out when I'm distancing myself from things that I'm scared are going to make me happy. After my three weeks in Manhattan, I feel like I'm a little more at peace with myself and where I am in my life, but that doesn't mean that I don't miss a certain someone immensely. As it has come to an end, I'm thankful that I could experience feelings that I've never felt before. I'm pleased with allowing myself to love and to be loved in return. And while that love has evolved and changed into something a bit different, I can't help but think that I won't ever love someone like that again, but I'm not going to stop myself if I'm lucky enough to feel that way again.