(no subject)
i'm trying to keep my mind occupied from thinking about how crappy i feel, due to the large amounts of alcohol i consumed the past few nights during my 21st birthday celebrations. in doing so, i ended up back here reading through good ol' livejournal entries. it's really amusing to think back to past times and how much my life has changed in just a year or two. however, i was sitting here thinking "man, i've grown so much" and then i thought to myself "i should write a new entry about life now" and then i thought "hmmm, actually, it will probably just say really similar things to a few years ago (i.e. i don't know what i'm doing with my life, i wish that certain situations were different, etc.) so perhaps i have not grown at all?".
this is a very troubling thought.
in some ways i feel as though i am in a much better frame of mind than i was a few years ago. confidence has replaced most of my insecurities. i worry less about my appearance and more about developing my opinions and intellect. i have a job. i have fulfilled a dream of studying abroad. my family is healthy and they love me unconditionally, for which enough thanks cannot be given. my friends try their hardest to keep in touch regardless of the fact that they too are moving on in their own directions.
however,
it feels as though something is missing. i'm craving excitement; spontaneity. maybe i need to leave again. maybe i just need to break the routine. i enjoy each day, but i feel as though i'm not overly productive. i mean, summer is all about relaxing, and that's fine and dandy, but as humans we inherently strive to make some sort of mark on this world, and at this rate i feel like i'm a little tiny footstep in some beach sand that will get washed away when the tide rolls in. i want crazy things to happen to me so i have wild stories to regale future dates with. i want to meet new people.
so,
this bugs me, because it's exactly the type of thing i wrote about a few years ago. i suppose the difference lies within the fact that when faced with similar situations, i will be better prepared to deal with them. i (hope to) learn from past mistakes, and future ones. anyhow, ultimately, the best improvement is that my whole journal does not revolve around a guy, or a relationship, or a crush, or being heartbroken. these days it's just about me, which is exactly where i wanted to be.
guess i have grown up a little afterall. :)
this is a very troubling thought.
in some ways i feel as though i am in a much better frame of mind than i was a few years ago. confidence has replaced most of my insecurities. i worry less about my appearance and more about developing my opinions and intellect. i have a job. i have fulfilled a dream of studying abroad. my family is healthy and they love me unconditionally, for which enough thanks cannot be given. my friends try their hardest to keep in touch regardless of the fact that they too are moving on in their own directions.
however,
it feels as though something is missing. i'm craving excitement; spontaneity. maybe i need to leave again. maybe i just need to break the routine. i enjoy each day, but i feel as though i'm not overly productive. i mean, summer is all about relaxing, and that's fine and dandy, but as humans we inherently strive to make some sort of mark on this world, and at this rate i feel like i'm a little tiny footstep in some beach sand that will get washed away when the tide rolls in. i want crazy things to happen to me so i have wild stories to regale future dates with. i want to meet new people.
so,
this bugs me, because it's exactly the type of thing i wrote about a few years ago. i suppose the difference lies within the fact that when faced with similar situations, i will be better prepared to deal with them. i (hope to) learn from past mistakes, and future ones. anyhow, ultimately, the best improvement is that my whole journal does not revolve around a guy, or a relationship, or a crush, or being heartbroken. these days it's just about me, which is exactly where i wanted to be.
guess i have grown up a little afterall. :)