Different can be good
Instead of wondering to ourselves why someone can't be more like us in some way, I wish we would try harder to wonder how different someone can be and have it still be okay. Can we make it okay for people to be super different?
There's an old song (1965), "Johhny Half Breed," about how a town has made it clear that that "half-breeds ain't welcome." Until the mayor's daughter disappeared and they couldn't find her. As a last resort (after helicopters, even), they sent the man they called Johnny Half Breed after her and he found her.
"He was hero for a day.
They asked him to remain.
They said they learned their lesson:
All people are the same."
Um, no, all people are not the same. They called him because he was different and he succeeded because he was different. He had tracking skills that the townspeople lacked. And he had those skills because he lead a different lifestyle than they did. The lesson to learn is that people are different and that this can be good.
I'm also reminded of a seminar I took where all the participants were divided into four personality types: detail-oriented people, curiosity/logic-oriented people, people persons, and creatives/thrill seekers. Everyone agreed that without any single one of these groups of people, the world would be a worse place. They also agreed that they were really glad that they didn't have to do the yucky things that the people in the other groups enjoyed doing.
Much as I think I would enjoy having an identical twin sister around, and I do think I would, it's getting really old, not to mention tragic and horrifying, to hear so many stories about people who want everyone to be the same such as, just off the top of my head:
* religious people who want everyone to be the same religion as them
* those who want everyone to be the same political party as them
* straight people who want everyone else to be straight
* people who never wanted an abortion for themselves or loved ones who want to outlaw all abortions for everyone
* body shamers
* bullies
* misogynists, racists, and homophobes
* people who say immigrants should "just learn English" (like it's so easy and they're just being stubborn)
* evil/intolerant homeowner association members
* sorority sisters who fine you for going out of your room with "bed head"
Are there any exceptions? Yes. I admit to wanting to "fix" psychotics, anorexics, addicts, and other people who cause harm to themselves or others. And if it's not possible to fix them, I want there to be protections, even if that means, say, the death penalty for serial killers. So I am not immune to this kind of thinking.
But overall, I'd rather ask, "can we make it okay for a person to be different from me?" than "how can we make people be more like me?"
We can start with asking "why are they different and what are the advantages?" (yea for learning!). And it could also help to remember something my mom said that I really like: "Everyone is always doing the best they can."
What ways are you different from how other people would like? Here are some of mine:
* yankee imperialist pig
* materialist and global warmer
* omnivore
* living in sin (unmarried partner)
* godless (atheist-leaning agnostic)
* don't have kids
* don't even want kids
* don't even want pets
* buck teeth (won't get braces)
* female who likes to think and be financially independent
* different career than my parents'
* cold all the time
* don't want to take mind-altering substances
* early retiree
* think "too much," don't like meditation
* clothes are not in style, especially shoes!
Obviously I don't like some of those, at least in some ways, but most of them I really, really do like.
There's an old song (1965), "Johhny Half Breed," about how a town has made it clear that that "half-breeds ain't welcome." Until the mayor's daughter disappeared and they couldn't find her. As a last resort (after helicopters, even), they sent the man they called Johnny Half Breed after her and he found her.
"He was hero for a day.
They asked him to remain.
They said they learned their lesson:
All people are the same."
Um, no, all people are not the same. They called him because he was different and he succeeded because he was different. He had tracking skills that the townspeople lacked. And he had those skills because he lead a different lifestyle than they did. The lesson to learn is that people are different and that this can be good.
I'm also reminded of a seminar I took where all the participants were divided into four personality types: detail-oriented people, curiosity/logic-oriented people, people persons, and creatives/thrill seekers. Everyone agreed that without any single one of these groups of people, the world would be a worse place. They also agreed that they were really glad that they didn't have to do the yucky things that the people in the other groups enjoyed doing.
Much as I think I would enjoy having an identical twin sister around, and I do think I would, it's getting really old, not to mention tragic and horrifying, to hear so many stories about people who want everyone to be the same such as, just off the top of my head:
* religious people who want everyone to be the same religion as them
* those who want everyone to be the same political party as them
* straight people who want everyone else to be straight
* people who never wanted an abortion for themselves or loved ones who want to outlaw all abortions for everyone
* body shamers
* bullies
* misogynists, racists, and homophobes
* people who say immigrants should "just learn English" (like it's so easy and they're just being stubborn)
* evil/intolerant homeowner association members
* sorority sisters who fine you for going out of your room with "bed head"
Are there any exceptions? Yes. I admit to wanting to "fix" psychotics, anorexics, addicts, and other people who cause harm to themselves or others. And if it's not possible to fix them, I want there to be protections, even if that means, say, the death penalty for serial killers. So I am not immune to this kind of thinking.
But overall, I'd rather ask, "can we make it okay for a person to be different from me?" than "how can we make people be more like me?"
We can start with asking "why are they different and what are the advantages?" (yea for learning!). And it could also help to remember something my mom said that I really like: "Everyone is always doing the best they can."
What ways are you different from how other people would like? Here are some of mine:
* yankee imperialist pig
* materialist and global warmer
* omnivore
* living in sin (unmarried partner)
* godless (atheist-leaning agnostic)
* don't have kids
* don't even want kids
* don't even want pets
* buck teeth (won't get braces)
* female who likes to think and be financially independent
* different career than my parents'
* cold all the time
* don't want to take mind-altering substances
* early retiree
* think "too much," don't like meditation
* clothes are not in style, especially shoes!
Obviously I don't like some of those, at least in some ways, but most of them I really, really do like.