The Sickness...
I'm sick as hell so Must be all the cough medicine I've been taking lately...
The first dream was about Mom's death...what i saw was... Before me and dad got there and it is shown to me as a painful death...Like she was holding the care takers hand and she felt so much pain at once that she fainted into death...into nothingness perhaps.
Then everything blacked out for even me and when I woke up (still dreaming)I was on the couch at Dad's house. I pet our cat Treasure and went into the Kitchen...now this is where it turns into some kind of bad 80's horror movie...Mom is just sitting at the table...And I freak out..and ask her what hell she's doing here!? She in forms me that she made a deal with Lucifer. Really!? Lucifer? I don't know where my mind gets this besides those 80's talk shows I've been known to watch. She tells me that she threw Dad's girlfriend Kathy out of the house...and she's telling me how she told her off and I actually feel bad for Kathy. At closer inspection of mom I see a spot in her hair that's dyed like a blacksh purple...I come to realize that it's not dye and it's oozing from her head.she's rotting! Her whole body is rotting and she's the walking fucking dead and there's something just not quite right about the whole thing....well I fucking lose it emotionally and actually wake up this time....
I take some more MucineX and eventually get back to sleep. This time I just don't care i'm not afraid to face death even if it hurts. I've had enough of life and everything else.Everything is dark and I can't see anything I start to fall down this long hole...I can't really tell if it's a well or a cave or what but I don't even care. I don't even care if I die at the end. I'm sad that it had to end this way but i'm willing to face it. Then all the sudden I stop falling and I hear a voice..."It's alright I've got ya, your ok."It's Felipe! And then I can see that he's stopped my fall and we're in front of my house...And I feel alright. And then the storm that came in this morning woke me up. I associate Felipe with positiveness. He's been the only friend lately I see regularly in my life so I guess it makes sense that he was the one to save me due to the fact that Estell and I haven't spoken much lately.
And where is Keith in these dreams you might ask? Well there was a time that I had happy dreams with Keith in them. Most of the time they where about our future but now when he's in a dream it's all conflict...This comes from the fact that I feel that things in our relationship are not where they should be yet. I have to put faith in him that while he's not with me he's not out being a bastard to me behind my back. He's never cheated on me that I know of...I think this maybe my own mistrust issues possibly coming out? We don't live together and we see each other mostly on weekends. We text allot threw the week and sometimes call each other...I think I felt more un-trusting when he lost his job July 3rd. He's been looking for a job ever sense... unemployment hasn't even processed his claim yet. Still, I don't feel like we hang out more due to that.In my mind I fucking go crazy and think that guys with extra time on they're hands are up to no good...But he says that he isn't and I have not real proof to say other wise...he told me that if he needs to stick around to prove that hes not then that's what he'll do. But I mean really? Is he really gonna stick around and treat me right? It's clear to him that I love him and would never do anything stupid because he means that much. So why can't I just feel it back?
The first dream was about Mom's death...what i saw was... Before me and dad got there and it is shown to me as a painful death...Like she was holding the care takers hand and she felt so much pain at once that she fainted into death...into nothingness perhaps.
Then everything blacked out for even me and when I woke up (still dreaming)I was on the couch at Dad's house. I pet our cat Treasure and went into the Kitchen...now this is where it turns into some kind of bad 80's horror movie...Mom is just sitting at the table...And I freak out..and ask her what hell she's doing here!? She in forms me that she made a deal with Lucifer. Really!? Lucifer? I don't know where my mind gets this besides those 80's talk shows I've been known to watch. She tells me that she threw Dad's girlfriend Kathy out of the house...and she's telling me how she told her off and I actually feel bad for Kathy. At closer inspection of mom I see a spot in her hair that's dyed like a blacksh purple...I come to realize that it's not dye and it's oozing from her head.she's rotting! Her whole body is rotting and she's the walking fucking dead and there's something just not quite right about the whole thing....well I fucking lose it emotionally and actually wake up this time....
I take some more MucineX and eventually get back to sleep. This time I just don't care i'm not afraid to face death even if it hurts. I've had enough of life and everything else.Everything is dark and I can't see anything I start to fall down this long hole...I can't really tell if it's a well or a cave or what but I don't even care. I don't even care if I die at the end. I'm sad that it had to end this way but i'm willing to face it. Then all the sudden I stop falling and I hear a voice..."It's alright I've got ya, your ok."It's Felipe! And then I can see that he's stopped my fall and we're in front of my house...And I feel alright. And then the storm that came in this morning woke me up. I associate Felipe with positiveness. He's been the only friend lately I see regularly in my life so I guess it makes sense that he was the one to save me due to the fact that Estell and I haven't spoken much lately.
And where is Keith in these dreams you might ask? Well there was a time that I had happy dreams with Keith in them. Most of the time they where about our future but now when he's in a dream it's all conflict...This comes from the fact that I feel that things in our relationship are not where they should be yet. I have to put faith in him that while he's not with me he's not out being a bastard to me behind my back. He's never cheated on me that I know of...I think this maybe my own mistrust issues possibly coming out? We don't live together and we see each other mostly on weekends. We text allot threw the week and sometimes call each other...I think I felt more un-trusting when he lost his job July 3rd. He's been looking for a job ever sense... unemployment hasn't even processed his claim yet. Still, I don't feel like we hang out more due to that.In my mind I fucking go crazy and think that guys with extra time on they're hands are up to no good...But he says that he isn't and I have not real proof to say other wise...he told me that if he needs to stick around to prove that hes not then that's what he'll do. But I mean really? Is he really gonna stick around and treat me right? It's clear to him that I love him and would never do anything stupid because he means that much. So why can't I just feel it back?