July 4th madness finds me again
I don't think this tops the time that we infiltrated a British military compound on July 4th, but it's still one for the grandkids. We infiltrated a really big party. At 4pm I heard about the party, at 7pm S got into town, at 10pm we were checking in at the security yacht. (S doesn't even drink, but she insisted we had to go for the stories.)
The procedure for getting tickets was to Facebook-friend the host (the CEO of a publicly traded company), and if you were an attractive young woman, you'd get two passes. The first 10 of the host's 2,800 friends appeared to be blonde girls named Alexandra, so I was worried that I might not make the casting call. As S tells me, however, 45-year-old men will always jump my way.
S kept whispering, "Omg, there are so many white people here!" Then she made me take a vodka shot from the ice bar that's been licked by only a few hundred skanky guests.
Here are the party details from its Facebook page.
Saylor's Red, White, and Blue Beach Bash
Rather than a dull recitation of time, place, and dress code, and given the sophistication of the July 4 DC socialites, I felt it only appropriate to share with all of you the general principles, political philosophy, and architectural inspiration guiding the design of this year's soiree to celebrate the birth of our nation.
1. "Do No Harm"
So, first we need to make sure we don't screw up or remove any of the elements that have worked well at past July 4 parties. The dress code remains red,white, and/or blue beach attire. The sexier the better. It will be hot, so less is more. Speaking of more - we will have more women than men at the party. Probably a lot more. We will have an ice bar. Since the "Stairway to Heaven" was a big hit last year, we are rebuilding it. For one day a year, it serves Washington well. There will be plenty of food so skip dinner. There will be plenty of drink, so don't get drunk before you show up. There will be music via both a band & a DJ. The Winn Brother's are returning to rock it out, so be ready to dance.
2. "A Foolish Consistency is the Hobgoblin of Small Minds"
The conventional thinkers adhere slavishly to tradition and custom. I prefer to take a fresh look at things, especially went faced with externalities like environmental volatility, political instability, or economic imperative. This year July 4 is on a Sunday, and I need to be at a conference in the South of France for a thousand of my customers on Monday morning.
3. "Focus on a Competitor and Cut off their Oxygen"
Nothing like some good capitalist sector competition to get the heart beating, so this year I have decided to adopt the principles of role models like Larry Ellison & Genghis Khan. It is not enough that we should win. All of our enemies must lose. So, I am declaring war on the competing parties of the weekend and choosing one party in particular to target for destruction. Many of you don't know this, but I am a vain and petulant fellow, and it irks me to no end when people ask me "Will your party be as fun as the Bill Dean party at the Dodge Mansion? All my girlfriends LOVE LOVE LOVE that party!" :-( %!#&! So, with the full blessing of my Board of Directors, we are specifically targeting for destruction the "4th Annual Dodge Mansion 4th of July Pool Party" which takes place from 1-8pm on Sunday, sponsored by Bill Dean, Sherif Abdalla, Tony Hudgins, & Mike Kosmides.
Be warned guys, we intend to choke your party to death and bury it. Our game plan is simple, yet brilliant. We are going to pre-empt you by inviting all the hot women in the city to our party the night BEFORE your event, we are going to DUPLICATE your best feature (the pool) and elevate it 50 feet above the Potomac, and we are going to pour alcohol SO FAST and party SO HARD & LONG into the morning of July 4 that the cool, fun, and beautiful people in Washington DC you are counting on to make your party a success will not be able to get out of bed until late in the afternoon of July 4.
Bill, Sherif, Tony, & Mike: - "No Plan Survives Contact with the Enemy". We are going to find all of your best customers. We are going to invite them. We are going to entice them into such an extreme party that they drunk-dial their ex-s, lose their cell phones, forget to set their alarms, misplace their purses, and get locked out of their apartments. They are going to oversleep, break up with their boyfriends, fight with their girlfriends, get their cars towed, and wake up in strange places, disoriented, trying to remember what happened the previous night. In the chaos and mayhem, amid the Sound and the Fury of Washington DC's Social Battlefield, the Dodge Mansion 4th of July Pool Party is going to twist in the wind, while all the Bikini-clad Beauties you guys imagined would be populating your pool that pleasant July 4 afternoon desperately search for the Advil, guzzle bottles of water, try to figure out where their iPhone went, and wonder why they woke up wearing some random guy's board shorts.
4. "Attention to Detail"
Anybody can have a big idea. It is the attention to detail that makes all the difference. So, here are the details: You can check in and get your access pass for your friends & yourself aboard my yacht Firefly anytime during the afternoon on Saturday. Show up with an identification and hang out for awhile if you like. The yacht will be docked on the Georgetown Waterfront all day. The invitation is for you and a single guest. Please don't email me asking if you can bring a guest. Yes you can. The dress code is iron clad - you must wear some sort of beach attire, and it must be either Red, White, or Blue, or some combination thereof. Security will be tight. If you have more than one friend you want to get into the party, have them make an event request via Facebook - if they are witty, beautiful, talented, or bizarre in some non-disgusting way, I will do my best to add them to the list. Then they can bring a guest. So, as long as half your friends have some redeeming quality, your group is all set. Don't bother having your loser, lame, boring, conventional, intellectually feeble, and perhaps occasionally emotionally comforting boyfriend request an invite. Just bring him as your plus one.
The procedure for getting tickets was to Facebook-friend the host (the CEO of a publicly traded company), and if you were an attractive young woman, you'd get two passes. The first 10 of the host's 2,800 friends appeared to be blonde girls named Alexandra, so I was worried that I might not make the casting call. As S tells me, however, 45-year-old men will always jump my way.
S kept whispering, "Omg, there are so many white people here!" Then she made me take a vodka shot from the ice bar that's been licked by only a few hundred skanky guests.
Here are the party details from its Facebook page.
Saylor's Red, White, and Blue Beach Bash
Rather than a dull recitation of time, place, and dress code, and given the sophistication of the July 4 DC socialites, I felt it only appropriate to share with all of you the general principles, political philosophy, and architectural inspiration guiding the design of this year's soiree to celebrate the birth of our nation.
1. "Do No Harm"
So, first we need to make sure we don't screw up or remove any of the elements that have worked well at past July 4 parties. The dress code remains red,white, and/or blue beach attire. The sexier the better. It will be hot, so less is more. Speaking of more - we will have more women than men at the party. Probably a lot more. We will have an ice bar. Since the "Stairway to Heaven" was a big hit last year, we are rebuilding it. For one day a year, it serves Washington well. There will be plenty of food so skip dinner. There will be plenty of drink, so don't get drunk before you show up. There will be music via both a band & a DJ. The Winn Brother's are returning to rock it out, so be ready to dance.
2. "A Foolish Consistency is the Hobgoblin of Small Minds"
The conventional thinkers adhere slavishly to tradition and custom. I prefer to take a fresh look at things, especially went faced with externalities like environmental volatility, political instability, or economic imperative. This year July 4 is on a Sunday, and I need to be at a conference in the South of France for a thousand of my customers on Monday morning.
3. "Focus on a Competitor and Cut off their Oxygen"
Nothing like some good capitalist sector competition to get the heart beating, so this year I have decided to adopt the principles of role models like Larry Ellison & Genghis Khan. It is not enough that we should win. All of our enemies must lose. So, I am declaring war on the competing parties of the weekend and choosing one party in particular to target for destruction. Many of you don't know this, but I am a vain and petulant fellow, and it irks me to no end when people ask me "Will your party be as fun as the Bill Dean party at the Dodge Mansion? All my girlfriends LOVE LOVE LOVE that party!" :-( %!#&! So, with the full blessing of my Board of Directors, we are specifically targeting for destruction the "4th Annual Dodge Mansion 4th of July Pool Party" which takes place from 1-8pm on Sunday, sponsored by Bill Dean, Sherif Abdalla, Tony Hudgins, & Mike Kosmides.
Be warned guys, we intend to choke your party to death and bury it. Our game plan is simple, yet brilliant. We are going to pre-empt you by inviting all the hot women in the city to our party the night BEFORE your event, we are going to DUPLICATE your best feature (the pool) and elevate it 50 feet above the Potomac, and we are going to pour alcohol SO FAST and party SO HARD & LONG into the morning of July 4 that the cool, fun, and beautiful people in Washington DC you are counting on to make your party a success will not be able to get out of bed until late in the afternoon of July 4.
Bill, Sherif, Tony, & Mike: - "No Plan Survives Contact with the Enemy". We are going to find all of your best customers. We are going to invite them. We are going to entice them into such an extreme party that they drunk-dial their ex-s, lose their cell phones, forget to set their alarms, misplace their purses, and get locked out of their apartments. They are going to oversleep, break up with their boyfriends, fight with their girlfriends, get their cars towed, and wake up in strange places, disoriented, trying to remember what happened the previous night. In the chaos and mayhem, amid the Sound and the Fury of Washington DC's Social Battlefield, the Dodge Mansion 4th of July Pool Party is going to twist in the wind, while all the Bikini-clad Beauties you guys imagined would be populating your pool that pleasant July 4 afternoon desperately search for the Advil, guzzle bottles of water, try to figure out where their iPhone went, and wonder why they woke up wearing some random guy's board shorts.
4. "Attention to Detail"
Anybody can have a big idea. It is the attention to detail that makes all the difference. So, here are the details: You can check in and get your access pass for your friends & yourself aboard my yacht Firefly anytime during the afternoon on Saturday. Show up with an identification and hang out for awhile if you like. The yacht will be docked on the Georgetown Waterfront all day. The invitation is for you and a single guest. Please don't email me asking if you can bring a guest. Yes you can. The dress code is iron clad - you must wear some sort of beach attire, and it must be either Red, White, or Blue, or some combination thereof. Security will be tight. If you have more than one friend you want to get into the party, have them make an event request via Facebook - if they are witty, beautiful, talented, or bizarre in some non-disgusting way, I will do my best to add them to the list. Then they can bring a guest. So, as long as half your friends have some redeeming quality, your group is all set. Don't bother having your loser, lame, boring, conventional, intellectually feeble, and perhaps occasionally emotionally comforting boyfriend request an invite. Just bring him as your plus one.