(no subject)

[livinfortoday]

i find myself self laying in my bed with my head against the wall, my eyes an inch or two from the wall. i can't move, my head feels heavy and my insides all mangled, and yet i don't feel so much sick just kinda shitty. im not drunk or high or anything, it's nothing like that. i think and realize i will find a way to fuck things up, it's in some unconscious nature i have to screw myself over, and that kinda saddens me. now you think how is it really an unknown driving force in my unconscious if i have seemingly realize it. well, the answer is simple it will keep happening, even though i may be thinking about it and trying to think ahead to anticipate how i could react in a way that will fuck me, and prevent it. i will do something, i didn’t at all think of, which may be subtle, and i'll see it later and hate myself for it. or ill be outlandish and see it for what it was 2 seconds later, but you can't fix it. the damage is done, you have had your spin, your betr was 24, and it landed on 2. but here i am bitching, in my live journal, for all of you to read. am i calling for attention? well probably i am. there's a damn good chance i am. yep, big deal, who gives a fuck. this is bull shit. it's all bull shit. all our little problems are fucking bullshit. wah wah "my friend's mad at me cause i made a stupid comment and they are stupid whores and get pissed for a while, hold a grudge, are immature." my mom an alcoholic, i hate my life wah fucking wah. some kid wants to fight me for no fucking reason, he says he'll get a group of his freinds who will kick my ass wah wah. i might lose my job if i did fight. fuck i need a good ass kicking, i think at this moment i might enjoy it. "i like a guy who doesn't know i exist" cry about it (or do something about it, it's high school who gives a fuck, it's significance in our live is like nothing). you get rejected oooo fuck me it's the end of the world. but who am i to say anything; i'm the supreme hypocrite, and all of you should bow at my feet, then get up and kick me in the balls. "i want this girl whose a bitch to me" well fuck her, be a bitch to her tell her to step in front of a bus and suck it up and find another girl, or hey i could just continuously whine about it and feel shittier about it. hey fuck whatever works. you have a leaking boat which you found a bucket to bail out the water, when shit all you had to do was patch the hole with a simple piece of chewed gum. but keep bailing, it’s fun, it's keeps you busy, i know, i like to do it, i spit my gum in the water and said fuck that. i'm an idiot and I’d like to just keep bailing and be miserable. "dreams are pointless, they set you up for a let down" well thank you, apparently you discover some enlightening philosophy, or wait i could be wrong here folks... maybe it's good to have dreams (that are plausible mind you), cause maybe just maybe if you actually did fucking something you could achieve it. set goals, try and obtain your dreams? what the fuck? what crazy maniac had that as an idea. i mean there's an off chance, the work may pay off and you get what you desired, and you'd be happy. but be happy? where's the fun in that? then you couldn't be be bitching in your live journal now could you? and in a sense this whole project of the guys who invented live journal would be a flop. i mean the proportion of bitch asses who are self proclaimed miserable outcasts to perky annoying dips shits is quite overwhelming in favor of the "outcasts." but hey now i sound like some high and mighty pompus asshole preaching... but what am i preaching though? it seems, against the same crimes i am countlessly guilty for. again, i implore you my fellow people, bow before my hypocrisy and proceed to finish it with a swift kick to the balls. i am guessing the post has no direction, point, structure, decent grammar or spelling with in it. and when i say guess i mean i know it doesn't, i don't even have to read it to know that. well i am tired i have work tomorrow and i should get to bed. i love you all have a good night and sweet dreams.

signing off,
aj

it's funny because there’s a chance tomorrow i'll have a completely different mind set.
no small children or animals were harmed (too badly) in the production of this post.
if you were offended and have decided to hate me or hold some grudge against me now, well fuck you cause, that would be absurdly stupid.
if you were really offended well i'd like to apologize... i still think it's fucking dumb, but hey whatever.
i think i will stop here cause frankly i guarantee most people will not have gotten this far.

later dawgs,
sweet dreams,
aj

chances are this post will be deleted within hours of completion.