copied from a blog i wrote on myspace.
If you feel like asking me if anything in this entry is about you, don't bother, I don't write blogs to tell people how I feel about them I write them to get things off my chest. So, to answer your question... NO.
I feel like sometimes I have no idea who in the world is actually my friend and who is not truly my friend. I'm so sick of everyone saying one thing and then someone telling me that they said something else. I know we're all guilty of talking shit from time to time, especially when we're angry, but if I need to let off some steam, I don't do it to someone who is also good friends with that person. That may seem shady, but sometimes you just need to get how you're feeling out, and the first person that you say those things to... well it might not be a good idea for it to be the person that you're irritated at. So, you vent at a friend. But, why would you vent at someone who is very likely to turn around and tell that person every single word you said out of frustration? I know, you could just not say anything, but like I said, sometimes you need to talk to someone outside of the situation first.
I'm sick of being someone's "best friend" until a person who is more fun than myself comes along. I tend to be the person who wants to go home and go to bed, who doesn't want to get smashed, and doesn't want to do crazy things. I don't like to feel uncomfortable when I go out, and therefore I will not do anything that I do not want to do. Like parties, going dancing, hanging out with certain people... and that has earned me a "party-pooper" status with several people. And then the people or person who were/was my "best friend(s)" ditch me for other people because they have the same lifestyle that they do. It's really quite hurtful, to tell you the truth. If you add up all the periods of time when I have really felt like partying a lot, it might add up to a whole year... but that's if you add it up from my WHOLE LIFE. I know we're at the age when people want to have fun, but since when did it become impossible to have fun without substance? I know I'm guilty of doing certain things to liven up a night... but I've stopped doing anything in excess. I want to have sober fun more often than fucked up fun. I want to get my life in order and I can't do that if I'm always messed up.
I don't want a boyfriend. I don't know who will read this, and it might upset someone who does, and if it does, then I'm sorry. But, I don't. I thought I did for a short-lived period of time since my ex and I broke up, but I quickly came to realize that if I was able to let someone go that easily... maybe I wasn't as ready as I thought. Now, let me say this, the fact that I don't want a boyfriend has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with the guys that I hang around with, or saying that I'm not over my past. I might have a crush or crushes... but this isn't about them. This is about me and what I want and what I need. I need to be single, I need me time, I need to figure out my life for myself, and not based on wanting to please some guy. I did that for long enough, and it didn't get me anywhere except the exact same place I was before him, and then add a lot of good memories... and a whole lot of hurt and heartache. I learned a lot from that, and the most important thing I learned is that if I am ever going to have a successful relationship... I need to have my own two feet on solid ground first.
I hate that I work at a fast food place, but I swear if one more person even slightly puts me down for where I work... they're gonna hear an EARFUL from me. You know what? I work at Carl's Jr. I hand out cheese-burgers and french fries for slightly over minimum wage. But, you know what I can say? I do my job to the best of my ability and I put in 100% everyday that I am there. And I know people who make HELLA money at their job and they can not say that. Who gives a fuck if I work at Carl's Jr? Who gives a fuck if I worked at some run-down Minute Mart in BFE? As long as I am working towards something, and I have a job, and I do my job to the best of my ability, then that's saying a lot more about me than some people. I have already learned something at my new job than I learned anywhere else. And that is that some people just want to find a reason to put you down. Anyone who is my real friend would not put me down because I work at a fast food place. They would be proud of me because I am working where I found work to get my shit taken care of.
You know what else I have to say about people putting me down for who I am? They can fuck off. I am a curvy girl, I am not a tiny little size 2. I am not fat. But yet, my "friend(s)" seem to think it's cool to pick up a pair of pants that are my size and go "ugh, like i'd ever be a size (insert my size here...)" You know what else? I am a big huge nerd. I love Harry Potter, I love to read, I crochet, and I am DAMN excited that the new Harry Potter movie is coming out, and I even know that it's coming out in 21 days. Call me a nerd and scoff at me, but that's who I am and I don't give a fuck what you think. I love to read, and it makes me happy. If you don't have the same interests, then fine, think you're cooler than me, I don't care. I haven't been "cool" a day in my life, so why on earth would I worry about it now?
I've said the word "fuck" way too many times in this.
I am going back to school in January. And a part of me doesn't want to say this because I know people will be like "yeah right". But, I am. I am going to work two jobs (if I can ever figure out how I am going to pull it off) and I am going to save up about $700 bucks to go to back to college. And I have absolutly no idea what I am doing except working towards my associates. No idea. I don't want to be a teacher, I'd still love to be a flight attendant but I heard terrible TERRIBLE things about the air academy. And I want an education. I want to finish what I started. I want a good future with a good CAREER that makes me HAPPY.
Basically what I'm feeling right now is that if you are going to bring me down, not be supportive, be a shitty ass friend, put me down for being myself, or get in the way of what I want in any way, shape, or form... then you can go bother someone else, because I am NOT putting up with anyone's "look at me, look at me" attitude, their drama, games, shitty friendship, or pulling me into a bad lifestyle. If you aren't going to be friend with me for being who I am and doing what makes me happy, and just be glad that I am happy and support me.... then I'm done with you.
I feel like sometimes I have no idea who in the world is actually my friend and who is not truly my friend. I'm so sick of everyone saying one thing and then someone telling me that they said something else. I know we're all guilty of talking shit from time to time, especially when we're angry, but if I need to let off some steam, I don't do it to someone who is also good friends with that person. That may seem shady, but sometimes you just need to get how you're feeling out, and the first person that you say those things to... well it might not be a good idea for it to be the person that you're irritated at. So, you vent at a friend. But, why would you vent at someone who is very likely to turn around and tell that person every single word you said out of frustration? I know, you could just not say anything, but like I said, sometimes you need to talk to someone outside of the situation first.
I'm sick of being someone's "best friend" until a person who is more fun than myself comes along. I tend to be the person who wants to go home and go to bed, who doesn't want to get smashed, and doesn't want to do crazy things. I don't like to feel uncomfortable when I go out, and therefore I will not do anything that I do not want to do. Like parties, going dancing, hanging out with certain people... and that has earned me a "party-pooper" status with several people. And then the people or person who were/was my "best friend(s)" ditch me for other people because they have the same lifestyle that they do. It's really quite hurtful, to tell you the truth. If you add up all the periods of time when I have really felt like partying a lot, it might add up to a whole year... but that's if you add it up from my WHOLE LIFE. I know we're at the age when people want to have fun, but since when did it become impossible to have fun without substance? I know I'm guilty of doing certain things to liven up a night... but I've stopped doing anything in excess. I want to have sober fun more often than fucked up fun. I want to get my life in order and I can't do that if I'm always messed up.
I don't want a boyfriend. I don't know who will read this, and it might upset someone who does, and if it does, then I'm sorry. But, I don't. I thought I did for a short-lived period of time since my ex and I broke up, but I quickly came to realize that if I was able to let someone go that easily... maybe I wasn't as ready as I thought. Now, let me say this, the fact that I don't want a boyfriend has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with the guys that I hang around with, or saying that I'm not over my past. I might have a crush or crushes... but this isn't about them. This is about me and what I want and what I need. I need to be single, I need me time, I need to figure out my life for myself, and not based on wanting to please some guy. I did that for long enough, and it didn't get me anywhere except the exact same place I was before him, and then add a lot of good memories... and a whole lot of hurt and heartache. I learned a lot from that, and the most important thing I learned is that if I am ever going to have a successful relationship... I need to have my own two feet on solid ground first.
I hate that I work at a fast food place, but I swear if one more person even slightly puts me down for where I work... they're gonna hear an EARFUL from me. You know what? I work at Carl's Jr. I hand out cheese-burgers and french fries for slightly over minimum wage. But, you know what I can say? I do my job to the best of my ability and I put in 100% everyday that I am there. And I know people who make HELLA money at their job and they can not say that. Who gives a fuck if I work at Carl's Jr? Who gives a fuck if I worked at some run-down Minute Mart in BFE? As long as I am working towards something, and I have a job, and I do my job to the best of my ability, then that's saying a lot more about me than some people. I have already learned something at my new job than I learned anywhere else. And that is that some people just want to find a reason to put you down. Anyone who is my real friend would not put me down because I work at a fast food place. They would be proud of me because I am working where I found work to get my shit taken care of.
You know what else I have to say about people putting me down for who I am? They can fuck off. I am a curvy girl, I am not a tiny little size 2. I am not fat. But yet, my "friend(s)" seem to think it's cool to pick up a pair of pants that are my size and go "ugh, like i'd ever be a size (insert my size here...)" You know what else? I am a big huge nerd. I love Harry Potter, I love to read, I crochet, and I am DAMN excited that the new Harry Potter movie is coming out, and I even know that it's coming out in 21 days. Call me a nerd and scoff at me, but that's who I am and I don't give a fuck what you think. I love to read, and it makes me happy. If you don't have the same interests, then fine, think you're cooler than me, I don't care. I haven't been "cool" a day in my life, so why on earth would I worry about it now?
I've said the word "fuck" way too many times in this.
I am going back to school in January. And a part of me doesn't want to say this because I know people will be like "yeah right". But, I am. I am going to work two jobs (if I can ever figure out how I am going to pull it off) and I am going to save up about $700 bucks to go to back to college. And I have absolutly no idea what I am doing except working towards my associates. No idea. I don't want to be a teacher, I'd still love to be a flight attendant but I heard terrible TERRIBLE things about the air academy. And I want an education. I want to finish what I started. I want a good future with a good CAREER that makes me HAPPY.
Basically what I'm feeling right now is that if you are going to bring me down, not be supportive, be a shitty ass friend, put me down for being myself, or get in the way of what I want in any way, shape, or form... then you can go bother someone else, because I am NOT putting up with anyone's "look at me, look at me" attitude, their drama, games, shitty friendship, or pulling me into a bad lifestyle. If you aren't going to be friend with me for being who I am and doing what makes me happy, and just be glad that I am happy and support me.... then I'm done with you.