I've had alot on my mind.....
Well the fog I've been in since before Katie left has lifted and not a moment too soon...I realized in the shower today (where I do most of my best thinking) that there was nothing to be dragging me down like this..and that my eating was getting out of control again (yes I have an eating disorder on top of everything else)...the last month or so all I've done is mope around the house, eat, and whine about everything from my job to the fact that I can't afford to buy the shoes I want right now...and I'm sorry but thats a bit childish ....and this funk has affected my work and my money cause I wasn't bringing in the kinda $$$ in my commission checks I'm used to...(so no shoes!)...
So I've come to terms with the fact that yes Katie is in ATL and I knew before I decided not to have a room mate that $$$ was going to be tight sometimes....while I don't love my job like I once did I would much rather have a desk job than be back working at the store for 9 to 10 hours a day @ 5.25$...so I'm going to throw myself back into my job and work my tail off till I can get the data entry thing going ....then I will go part time at the office do data entry full time and go back to school....I think I've settled on being an Art major for now at a college a few towns over/up...but that remains to be seen as it will be after the first of the year before I can start to give it serious thought..
Also in the coming months I'm going to try and cut back on the smoking drastically ...I won't/can't quit totally but there is no sense in me smoking as much as I do ...and I'm sick of it being such a part of my life ...not to mention its a problem between me and C.T. ...while he doesn't ride my ass all day long about it I know it bothers him....
I'm going tonight to get some TrimSpa...I figure if my long time idol Anna Nicole can do it then so can I...and even if the wedding is off (my best friend K-la's wedding not mine for those that just joined us) I still need to lose the weight....and plus I'm sick of being called "cute for a big girl" now I know I'll never be skinny I'm not built that way (and I like being curvy helps me fill out clothes better) but I could stand to lose 50 lbs...the only sad thing is I can't go to the gym like I want due to the fact that my right knee (the good one since I'm grinding the out cartilage of my left one right now) has been hurting for weeks now no matter what I do and if I go more than 2 or 3 times a week I won't be able to walk!!
I'm also going to stop picking fights w/ C.T. just to have them ...I freely admit that I'm a bitch sometimes and I say sarcastic bitchy things just to get a reactions out of him...but its not just him I do it to everybody but its just me taking my bad mood out on the innocent...but he tends to get it in spades cause I know how to push his buttons...plus I'm going to stop bring up the past all those assholes are gone anyway and the mistakes have been forgiven and the slates clean...there is no reason to live in the past it can't be changed no matter how hard you try..ya just have to move on...folks who try to live in the past just end up sad and pathetic...and I'm personally tired of being both...you take what life gives you in stride but you have to keep moving forward...
I'm also giving up beer (unless I cook steak cause I mean you can't eat steak w/o a beer its unheard of!) but not my nightcap...beer is full of carbs and does nothing but make me feel like crap the next day...
Also I'm going to try and be a better friend to the few that I have...even if it means going to a church service or 2...but have no fear I'm not becoming a zealous bible thumper anytime soon...
I should be going "friends only" sometime within this week....I should also I a digital camera before the end of this month!! YAY!! ..anyway this post ended up being alot longer than I thought it would be but I guess I've just had alot on my mind this AM...I promise more random silliness later tonight!!
So I've come to terms with the fact that yes Katie is in ATL and I knew before I decided not to have a room mate that $$$ was going to be tight sometimes....while I don't love my job like I once did I would much rather have a desk job than be back working at the store for 9 to 10 hours a day @ 5.25$...so I'm going to throw myself back into my job and work my tail off till I can get the data entry thing going ....then I will go part time at the office do data entry full time and go back to school....I think I've settled on being an Art major for now at a college a few towns over/up...but that remains to be seen as it will be after the first of the year before I can start to give it serious thought..
Also in the coming months I'm going to try and cut back on the smoking drastically ...I won't/can't quit totally but there is no sense in me smoking as much as I do ...and I'm sick of it being such a part of my life ...not to mention its a problem between me and C.T. ...while he doesn't ride my ass all day long about it I know it bothers him....
I'm going tonight to get some TrimSpa...I figure if my long time idol Anna Nicole can do it then so can I...and even if the wedding is off (my best friend K-la's wedding not mine for those that just joined us) I still need to lose the weight....and plus I'm sick of being called "cute for a big girl" now I know I'll never be skinny I'm not built that way (and I like being curvy helps me fill out clothes better) but I could stand to lose 50 lbs...the only sad thing is I can't go to the gym like I want due to the fact that my right knee (the good one since I'm grinding the out cartilage of my left one right now) has been hurting for weeks now no matter what I do and if I go more than 2 or 3 times a week I won't be able to walk!!
I'm also going to stop picking fights w/ C.T. just to have them ...I freely admit that I'm a bitch sometimes and I say sarcastic bitchy things just to get a reactions out of him...but its not just him I do it to everybody but its just me taking my bad mood out on the innocent...but he tends to get it in spades cause I know how to push his buttons...plus I'm going to stop bring up the past all those assholes are gone anyway and the mistakes have been forgiven and the slates clean...there is no reason to live in the past it can't be changed no matter how hard you try..ya just have to move on...folks who try to live in the past just end up sad and pathetic...and I'm personally tired of being both...you take what life gives you in stride but you have to keep moving forward...
I'm also giving up beer (unless I cook steak cause I mean you can't eat steak w/o a beer its unheard of!) but not my nightcap...beer is full of carbs and does nothing but make me feel like crap the next day...
Also I'm going to try and be a better friend to the few that I have...even if it means going to a church service or 2...but have no fear I'm not becoming a zealous bible thumper anytime soon...
I should be going "friends only" sometime within this week....I should also I a digital camera before the end of this month!! YAY!! ..anyway this post ended up being alot longer than I thought it would be but I guess I've just had alot on my mind this AM...I promise more random silliness later tonight!!