Life Goes On, It Gets So Heavy
Title: Life goes on, it gets so heavy
Rating: R maybe? Bad at these things
Characters/Pairing: Harry/Louis
Summary: Louis kills himself, and Harry can't deal. Not as good as others, but hey I'm new.
Word Count: 1,213
Warnings: Suicide, self harm, triggering.
Disclaimer: Not mine, not true.
Author's Note: Not very good, and just a one shot but please leave comments!
He peered down over the edge, knowing this would be the last time he would see the beautiful London skyline. He thought back to a couple of hours ago when he said a tearful goodbye to his best friends, trying to sound like he was, in fact, going for just a walk. He really hoped Harry hadn't seen through it.
"Bye guys! Just going for a short walk!" Louis exclaimed, grabbing his hat and coat while the lads played xbox. Harry got up and walked over, handing his controller to Niall while he examined Louis.
"Hey, are you okay, love?" Harry inquired, a worried look clouding his beautiful features.
"Mhm, yeah, m'fine. I love you, okay? Don't you dare forget that." Lou said with tears in his usually clear blue eyes.
"I love you to the moon and back, I promise. And soon we can be together for real. Do you want me to come with you? I''m worried about you," Harry spoke quietly, his green eyes boring into Louis' blue ones. Louis blushed as he felt Harry's fingers tracing the fresh incisions along Louis' wrist.
"No, I'll be okay, just need a moment alone to clear my head. I'll be in our usual place if you need me," Louis soothed, forcing his lips to quirk up into a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.
"Okay. I love you. Don't leave me for long, okay, Boo Bear?" Harry whispered, using the childish nickname just because he liked to run his fingers over the warm blush it brought on. Harry pulled Louis into a kiss, letting their mouths mould together in a way they knew so well.
"Quit with the PDA! We all love our wonderful Babycakes, he's super special to us! Now get your arse back over here, Nialler is shit at this game!" Liam shouted above the noise coming from the xbox.
Soon Zayn and Niall chimed in with a distracted, "Love you, Louis" and turned back to the game.
"Go on, Hazza, show em who's boss," Louis cheered with a watery smile and a peck to his boyfriend's lips.
That was an hour ago. Now, Louis was all alone, a bottle of pills in his hands and a heavy heart were all he had to comfort him. Slowly, he started to pop the pills. He started one by one, but was soon shoving handfuls at a time into his mouth. Who cared if he choked, he was going to die anyways. The british lad didn’t stop until all he had was a half filled bottle and an increasingly aching stomach. Louis felt the churning, burning sensation and knew what he had to do. He dropped the bottle, a backup plan in case this didn’t work, and slowly started to climb up onto the handrail of the abandoned bridge. Once on top he pulled out his copy of the letter to the boys, to read one last time, so he could have this feeling of love be his last. The other copy of this letter was sitting on Harry’s bed, should he choose to stop playing xbox for five seconds and wonder why his boyfriend wasn’t home yet.
Dear Hazza (and the boys),
I want you to know that I love you with all of my heart. This is my choice and I want you to know that it was never your fault. I’ve been living only for you and my family and that’s not fair. You guys are a great reason to be alive, you’ve always been enough for me. Never think you weren’t enough. I love you, but I’ve got to stop holding you back. I think we all saw this coming.
I love you, lads. Pass on my love to my sisters and mother. Tell them they mean the world to me. Lads, you are all so much more special and talented than me. You will go farther in life without me. Move on. Replace me.
I love you, to the moon and back,
Boo Bear.
Folding the note carefully in his pocket, Louis braced himself for the plunge. He heard Harry’s voice from behind him, calling his name, but he did not dare turn around until he felt Harry grabbing his legs. Before he turned, he could tell Harry was clutching his note.
“Where are the other lads?” Louis called, a smug smile somehow finding its way to his face.
“Calling the hospital, Paul, Preston, your mother, and whoever the hell else they can bloody get a hold of!” Harry yelled. The ghost of a smile slipped from Louis’ face. Harry never yelled, especially not at him. He must have really worried him. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing! Get down from there! Oh my God, Lou, I’ve been so worried you don’t even know! Oh thank God, you’re safe,” Harry sighed, his voice cracking at the end. Louis was just about to tell him how safe he really was when the pills kicked in and he fell backward into Harry’s arms. Harry barely had time to worry over his unconscious lover when the sirens came.
They were soon racing down the road in the ambulance, Harry sobbing over Louis’ body while the paramedics did what they could. “Don’t leave me. Don’t you dare fucking leave me! If you do, I won’t be able to stay strong. I can’t do this without you, Louis, fucking stay with me, you prick! I love you okay, stay on this Earth. I need you, we need you! Please, Louis, I’m begging you dammit. I need you. For our past, present and future. Do you remember at G.A.Y.? We were hyped up from cake and adrenaline, covered in cake. We were still laughing about how I fell, and suddenly our lips were pushed together and it was the most comfortable thing in the world and I don’t even know who leaned in first. Then we were puling back and staring at each other, you looked so alarmed and I’m sure I did too. But then you grabbed my cheeks and we were kissing again. You made this happy little sigh that I wish I could replay forever, and in the background the boys were shouting things like ‘Fucking finally!’ and I was thinking the same thing. I want you so we can have more moments like that. I want you for our future, us married and with a bunch of adopted kids, or our sisters as surrogates, or even fucking cats, okay? All I know is that I want you, us, forever. Stay with me, Louis, fucking stay with me please!” Harry was sobbing now, his voice cracking towards the end. Harry pulled the other half of Louis’ pill bottle into his pocket. He wasn’t strong enough to go on alone, but he was strong enough to follow Louis into the dark if need be.
Harry got lost in his thoughts, sobbing, even though what was happening hadn’t sunk in. He was bawling over a numb feeling, and babbling senseless words falling on deaf ears. The last thing he remembered was hearing the sound of all hope being lost, that awful long beep on the monitor. Then, everything blacked out.
TBC?