24
I'm not sure when was the last time I wrote in here. I'm not sure it's a good idea to start again. It seems with every new page new problems arise. Eh.
Another birthday passed, I'm 24 now. I remember 23 and 22 and 21 ... all bad birthdays. 24 wasn't so bad, it was just the after days. Anyway, another crappy birthday that wasn't so crappy. It was an improvement I guess. Enough about that.
Life. I'm still in NY. Still living with Laura. Still have the same job. Many of the old problems have gone or been dealt with, but new stresses are present and constantly at me.
Life is good though. I'm finally getting my apt. June 1st. It's a great apt and I'm truly happy about. I don't know how I'm going to afford it, but at least now I have a place to call my own. I'll have a home again. I can walk naked in my apt if I want to. I'm actually looking forward to being naked again whenever I want. I'm looking forward to loud sex if I want it and to laying on my couch munching away at anything I want or whomever I want, heh.
You know, I can hardly wait for this apt to be mine. It's been over a year since I've had my own space, my own bed, my own room, my own home. What I would do for my own space. For something that is actually mine. I can't wait. June please come soon. I really think I'll go crazy if things for whatever crazy reason don't work out with this apt. It all should work out though, but you never know. Something can always go wrong, especially when I'm involved in it.
Love. I'm dating Kelley again. Oh c'mon, don't groan ... it's not full of drama anymore. I mean, we have our moments, but it's not constant. And I've learned to control myself, my feelings for her, I mean. I refuse to love her the way I used to. That is gone. It's different now. I miss how some things used to be, but I think things are better now. Except that we don't talk much. I'm always working and she has no way of contacting me unless I'm at work. So ... when I'm at work I'm supposed to be working and whatever conversations we have are limited.
Maybe it's better that way. Maybe if we had more opportunity to converse we'd realize either how much we still feel for each other or how little we really do. Either way she's not my top priority. She's not my goal or my life anymore. It hurts to say it, but it's how she wants it. It's how I'm more comfortable now.
Anyway, back to my apt. I can't wait. Life is good and not because of who I have in it, but because of the little things I'm accomplishing and all the realizations I've made. I've let go of so many ghosts. I'm finally moving on from my past and people in it. It feels good to be me. Even if there are days that really suck and I just want to crawl up and sleep, for the most part life is good. I actually look forward to the next day and not just to escape the present.
Another birthday passed, I'm 24 now. I remember 23 and 22 and 21 ... all bad birthdays. 24 wasn't so bad, it was just the after days. Anyway, another crappy birthday that wasn't so crappy. It was an improvement I guess. Enough about that.
Life. I'm still in NY. Still living with Laura. Still have the same job. Many of the old problems have gone or been dealt with, but new stresses are present and constantly at me.
Life is good though. I'm finally getting my apt. June 1st. It's a great apt and I'm truly happy about. I don't know how I'm going to afford it, but at least now I have a place to call my own. I'll have a home again. I can walk naked in my apt if I want to. I'm actually looking forward to being naked again whenever I want. I'm looking forward to loud sex if I want it and to laying on my couch munching away at anything I want or whomever I want, heh.
You know, I can hardly wait for this apt to be mine. It's been over a year since I've had my own space, my own bed, my own room, my own home. What I would do for my own space. For something that is actually mine. I can't wait. June please come soon. I really think I'll go crazy if things for whatever crazy reason don't work out with this apt. It all should work out though, but you never know. Something can always go wrong, especially when I'm involved in it.
Love. I'm dating Kelley again. Oh c'mon, don't groan ... it's not full of drama anymore. I mean, we have our moments, but it's not constant. And I've learned to control myself, my feelings for her, I mean. I refuse to love her the way I used to. That is gone. It's different now. I miss how some things used to be, but I think things are better now. Except that we don't talk much. I'm always working and she has no way of contacting me unless I'm at work. So ... when I'm at work I'm supposed to be working and whatever conversations we have are limited.
Maybe it's better that way. Maybe if we had more opportunity to converse we'd realize either how much we still feel for each other or how little we really do. Either way she's not my top priority. She's not my goal or my life anymore. It hurts to say it, but it's how she wants it. It's how I'm more comfortable now.
Anyway, back to my apt. I can't wait. Life is good and not because of who I have in it, but because of the little things I'm accomplishing and all the realizations I've made. I've let go of so many ghosts. I'm finally moving on from my past and people in it. It feels good to be me. Even if there are days that really suck and I just want to crawl up and sleep, for the most part life is good. I actually look forward to the next day and not just to escape the present.