Michael.
He's dieing.
He gets worse every day now.
Hopefully he will just go in his sleep peacefully.
Mom hopes that I'm not the one to find him...shes afraid of what it will do to me.
Honestly...I don't know how I will react.
Stay in the room and call hospice? Walk out and call hospice?
Touch him? Don't touch him?
Start crying?...I don't think I will...
Idk heartlessbitch.
I was rough with him today...I shouldn't have been.
I just loose my temper so quick with that man.
But he's ill...he can't help it.
He can't help that he's not all there...
I just get so confused when I'm trying to help him.
I'm helping the man who destroyed my self-esteem.
Who made me cry.
Who said he didn't care if I starved to death.
Who talks badly of the ones I love/anyone!
Yet he's so weak now...and frail.
Sometimes when he hurt me I'd secretly wish for him to go away...or even die.
That's terrible, I'm terrible.
But he hurt me so much...and now I have to help him.
Be kind to him, smile for him. Pretend he never once did me or anyone wrong.
Even when he does complain still...he has the right to doesn't he? He's dieing...
He's so cruel to mom sometimes AS she's trying to help him...
If I was mom I would of probably of smacked him a few times...
But that's terrible me.
I'm starting to ramble but that's my mind right now. Ramblings. None stop ramblings. Whispers of self destruction....ramblings of what to do, what can i do....
I'd never wish this upon anyone...his illness...not even him. It's terrible.
He is suffering with Pulmonary fibrosis and that has caused heart problems, throat problems, a lot of other useless suffering problems.
I want to cry...i can feel it...but will I?
He gets worse every day now.
Hopefully he will just go in his sleep peacefully.
Mom hopes that I'm not the one to find him...shes afraid of what it will do to me.
Honestly...I don't know how I will react.
Stay in the room and call hospice? Walk out and call hospice?
Touch him? Don't touch him?
Start crying?...I don't think I will...
Idk heartlessbitch.
I was rough with him today...I shouldn't have been.
I just loose my temper so quick with that man.
But he's ill...he can't help it.
He can't help that he's not all there...
I just get so confused when I'm trying to help him.
I'm helping the man who destroyed my self-esteem.
Who made me cry.
Who said he didn't care if I starved to death.
Who talks badly of the ones I love/anyone!
Yet he's so weak now...and frail.
Sometimes when he hurt me I'd secretly wish for him to go away...or even die.
That's terrible, I'm terrible.
But he hurt me so much...and now I have to help him.
Be kind to him, smile for him. Pretend he never once did me or anyone wrong.
Even when he does complain still...he has the right to doesn't he? He's dieing...
He's so cruel to mom sometimes AS she's trying to help him...
If I was mom I would of probably of smacked him a few times...
But that's terrible me.
I'm starting to ramble but that's my mind right now. Ramblings. None stop ramblings. Whispers of self destruction....ramblings of what to do, what can i do....
I'd never wish this upon anyone...his illness...not even him. It's terrible.
He is suffering with Pulmonary fibrosis and that has caused heart problems, throat problems, a lot of other useless suffering problems.
I want to cry...i can feel it...but will I?