(no subject)
(11:24:34 PM) Adam: whats up
(11:24:44 PM) Me: i need you to tell me if i am being a girl
(11:24:54 PM) Adam: ok lets hear it
(11:25:21 PM) Me: remember when i was in chicago, i was talking to you about the blown tires on my car from when greg, my roommate at the time, had it?
(11:26:54 PM) Adam: yeah yeah of course
(11:27:29 PM) Me: so
(11:27:31 PM) Me: he told me at the time
(11:27:33 PM) Me: that
(11:27:42 PM) Me: one of the tires had blown
(11:27:43 PM) Me: so
(11:28:05 PM) Me: the car went over a curb and onto grass
(11:28:10 PM) Adam: (my internet is being dodgy, if i disappear ill be back)
(11:28:13 PM) Adam: uh huh
(11:28:16 PM) Me: he changes the tire
(11:28:19 PM) Me: lost that part
(11:28:21 PM) Me: and came home
(11:28:29 PM) Me: (dodgy is a good word)
(11:29:08 PM) Me: as irritated as i was that i had to deal with buying new tires, and getting that new piece, my attitude was
(11:29:12 PM) Me: its a blow tire
(11:29:17 PM) Me: he couldn't have avoided it
(11:29:24 PM) Me: in letting him use the car
(11:29:33 PM) Me: i was accepting the chance that something like that may happen
(11:29:34 PM) Me: so
(11:29:39 PM) Me: i can not hold him accountable
(11:29:55 PM) Me: so
(11:29:59 PM) Me: i spend the money
(11:30:01 PM) Me: fix the car
(11:30:07 PM) Me: get over being annoyed
(11:30:12 PM) Me: and go on my merry way
(11:30:18 PM) Me: until this past weekend
(11:31:17 PM) Me: i am at a restaurant with a bunch of people, one of whom makes an off hand reference to 'like that thing greg did with his buddy's car a couple weeks ago'
(11:31:21 PM) Me: this gets my attention
(11:31:23 PM) Me: because
(11:31:26 PM) Me: as far as i know
(11:31:33 PM) Adam: sorry i missed everything after "the car went overa curb onto grass"
(11:31:33 PM) Me: i am the only one that lets greg use their car
(11:31:41 PM) Adam: sorry i missed everything after "the car went overa curb onto grass"
(11:31:51 PM) Me: (11:28:16 PM) Me: he changes the tire
(11:28:19 PM) Me: lost that part
(11:28:21 PM) Me: and came home
(11:28:29 PM) Me: (dodgy is a good word)
(11:29:08 PM) Me: as irritated as i was that i had to deal with buying new tires, and getting that new piece, my attitude was
(11:29:12 PM) Me: its a blow tire
(11:29:17 PM) Me: he couldn't have avoided it
(11:29:24 PM) Me: in letting him use the car
(11:29:33 PM) Me: i was accepting the chance that something like that may happen
(11:29:34 PM) Me: so
(11:29:39 PM) Me: i can not hold him accountable
(11:29:55 PM) Me: so
(11:29:59 PM) Me: i spend the money
(11:30:01 PM) Me: fix the car
(11:30:07 PM) Me: get over being annoyed
(11:30:12 PM) Me: and go on my merry way
(11:30:18 PM) Me: until this past weekend
(11:31:17 PM) Me: i am at a restaurant with a bunch of people, one of whom makes an off hand reference to 'like that thing greg did with his buddy's car a couple weeks ago'
(11:31:21 PM) Me: this gets my attention
(11:31:23 PM) Me: because
(11:31:26 PM) Me: as far as i know
(11:31:33 PM) Adam: sorry i missed everything after "the car went overa curb onto grass"
(11:31:33 PM) Me: i am the only one that lets greg use their car
(11:31:41 PM) Adam: sorry i missed everything after "the car went overa curb onto grass"
(11:32:36 PM) Adam: ok im caught up
(11:32:37 PM) Adam: keep going
(11:32:58 PM) Me: so, i;m like 'doug, lets here that story'
(11:33:05 PM) Me: turns out
(11:33:13 PM) Me: that night
(11:33:16 PM) Me: greg is hammered
(11:33:29 PM) Me: and decides to race from one house in bonnet to aqnother
(11:33:53 PM) Adam: are you kidding me
(11:33:58 PM) Me: hits 60 leaving
(11:34:03 PM) Me: the road they were on
(11:34:09 PM) Me: tryes to do a powerslide
(11:34:20 PM) Me: (pulling the ebrake to make a tigher turn)
(11:34:26 PM) Me: but fucks it up
(11:34:45 PM) Me: and ends up hitting a curb and landing on a neighbor's lawn
(11:34:52 PM) Adam: okay
(11:34:54 PM) Adam: the second
(11:35:03 PM) Adam: he went near your car with any alcohol in his system
(11:35:11 PM) Adam: he is a total fucking asshole
(11:35:13 PM) Adam: thats so wrong
(11:35:19 PM) Adam: theres no excuse , whatsoever
(11:35:23 PM) Me: funny thing, thats not even what i am upset about
(11:35:25 PM) Adam: completely irresponsible
(11:35:37 PM) Adam: oh god
(11:35:38 PM) Adam: keep going
(11:36:11 PM) Me: so
(11:36:24 PM) Me: after i am told this
(11:36:36 PM) Me: ben, who is also at the table, throws his hands up
(11:36:42 PM) Me: and says
(11:36:52 PM) Me: 'i was sworn to secrecy'
(11:36:59 PM) Adam: thats SO SHITTY
(11:37:06 PM) Adam: completely shitty
(11:37:14 PM) Me: i bring it up
(11:37:17 PM) Me: the next day
(11:37:19 PM) Me: and am like
(11:37:20 PM) Me: dude
(11:37:23 PM) Me: thats messed up
(11:37:27 PM) Me: and his answer is
(11:37:36 PM) Me: he told me in confidence
(11:37:49 PM) Adam: ok that rule does not apply
(11:37:51 PM) Adam: in these situations
(11:37:58 PM) Me: we don't seem to be getting anywhere, so i drop it
(11:38:01 PM) Me: and tell myself
(11:38:15 PM) Me: this isn't something worth losig a friend(s) over
(11:38:15 PM) Me: so
(11:38:19 PM) Adam: uggggh
(11:38:19 PM) Me: whatever, i'll get over it
(11:38:22 PM) Me: then
(11:38:23 PM) Me: today
(11:38:26 PM) Me: at dinner
(11:38:32 PM) Me: i am talking with two other friends
(11:38:41 PM) Me: one being my other new roommate
(11:38:43 PM) Me: bryce
(11:38:46 PM) Me: bryan*
(11:39:13 PM) Me: he mentions
(11:39:14 PM) Me: that
(11:39:16 PM) Me: he knew about it
(11:39:19 PM) Me: because ben told him
(11:39:21 PM) Me: so
(11:39:26 PM) Me: to recap
(11:39:30 PM) Adam: can i ?
(11:41:40 PM) Adam: youre friend took advantage of your repeated kindness in letting him borrow your car, essentailly thanked you by saying oh hey fuck you i dont respect you enough to respect your property so im going to do something completely fucking stupid and pretend to be vin diesel and drive wasted, fucked up your car, lied about it, told your best friend, who told others, they all sat there and let you feel sympathy for this idiot, spend your hard earned money fixing it, etc etc
(11:42:03 PM) Adam: and you havent even gotten an apology from any parties have you? just oh i was sworn to secrecy? like wtf is that shit
(11:43:05 PM) Me: so
(11:43:07 PM) Me: in a nutshell
(11:43:11 PM) Me: thats kinda how i feel abou it
(11:43:12 PM) Me: but
(11:43:16 PM) Me: at the same time
(11:43:18 PM) Me: something tells me
(11:43:29 PM) Me: that i'm over reacting over stupid shit
(11:43:32 PM) Adam: umm
(11:43:35 PM) Me: that won't matter a month from now
(11:43:35 PM) Adam: ABSOLUTELY NOT
(11:43:36 PM) Me: but
(11:43:40 PM) Me: honestly
(11:43:44 PM) Me: im really hurt
(11:43:45 PM) Adam: okay so obviously one incident isnt worth losing friendships
(11:43:45 PM) Me: over it
(11:43:47 PM) Adam: but
(11:44:04 PM) Adam: you need to be aware of patterns of behavior, how people in your life treat you, sometimes it seems innocent enough
(11:44:09 PM) Adam: but like at a certain point
(11:44:13 PM) Adam: i mean that story is RIDICULOUS
(11:44:16 PM) Adam: i would have been livid
(11:44:51 PM) Adam: aside from it being irresponsible, cheap, shitty etc...its just plain completely disrespectful to you
(11:44:54 PM) Adam: completely
(11:45:15 PM) Me: so
(11:45:22 PM) Me: there really is no other side to this?
(11:45:42 PM) Adam: um no, you are completely right-- in fact you should be even more angry/hurt!
(11:45:48 PM) Adam: like that story is ridiculous
(11:45:53 PM) Adam: i cant express that enough
(11:46:05 PM) Adam: and believe me, i am king of rationalizing shitty behavior exhibited by people i care about
(11:46:24 PM) Adam: but life is way too short to not respect yourself enough to be treated teh way you deserve to be treated
(11:46:29 PM) Adam: im not saying get rid of thsoe friends
(11:46:56 PM) Adam: but if they want the privilege of having your friendship, they need to understand how utterly disrespectful that was
(11:47:11 PM) Adam: you realize that i hope?
(11:47:51 PM) Me: logically yes, emotionally, i still feel like i don't have another way of dealing with it
(11:48:05 PM) Adam: right because
(11:48:53 PM) Adam: youre not the one who needs to be processing emotions in this situation-- youve felt exactly what youre supposed to feel, but its a one sided situation-- the impetus is on them to be realizing how hurtful they are being-- they are the ones who should be up late asking people advice on how to apologize to you, how to mend that friendship
(11:49:08 PM) Adam: does that make sense?
(11:49:17 PM) Me: i mean
(11:49:18 PM) Me: it does
(11:49:19 PM) Me: but
(11:49:23 PM) Me: its not reality
(11:49:28 PM) Adam: i spent two months trying to fix this friendship with nick, tried everything, and it drove me crazy
(11:49:33 PM) Adam: i was the only one trying though
(11:49:39 PM) Adam: and i wasnt even the one who did something shitty
(11:49:45 PM) Adam: you cant do their dirty laundry!!
(11:50:05 PM) Adam: right i mean you cant make them act that way
(11:50:24 PM) Adam: but you can do things in your control, such as respecting yourself enough to put your foot down
(11:50:41 PM) Me: i think im just scared that i need them more than they need me
(11:50:42 PM) Me: so
(11:50:48 PM) Me: when i put my foot down
(11:51:00 PM) Me: its essentially an ultimatum
(11:51:04 PM) Me: which is only helpful
(11:51:06 PM) Adam: would you rather lose a friend or spend your life being the doormat in a friendship?
(11:51:20 PM) Adam: okay well
(11:51:23 PM) Me: doormat
(11:51:33 PM) Me: most days anyway
(11:51:49 PM) Adam: its like
(11:52:15 PM) Adam: one day someone starts coughing, and the next day it gets worse, n then they start coughing blood, and on and on more symptoms
(11:52:24 PM) Adam: and they keep ignoring it
(11:52:30 PM) Adam: and then the yfinally go to the dr
(11:52:35 PM) Adam: n hes like oh you have lung cancer
(11:52:56 PM) Adam: you have all these little episodes with people being shitty
(11:53:01 PM) Adam: and they are symptoms!
(11:53:04 PM) Adam: of a larger sickness!
(11:53:29 PM) Adam: you can keep ignoring them and let them bury you, or you can get some antibiotics and have a chance at being happy n healthy
(11:53:30 PM) Adam: yeah?
(11:53:44 PM) Adam: lets break it down
(11:53:54 PM) Adam: youre afraid you need them more than they need you?
(11:54:31 PM) Me: i mean
(11:54:32 PM) Me: i thnk thats its
(11:54:34 PM) Me: it*
(11:54:39 PM) Adam: i mean that makes sense
(11:54:44 PM) Adam: but its like
(11:55:05 PM) Adam: you have to think honestly about each friend, and say what are you really getting from them..it sounds selfish, but its true...because often what happens
(11:55:22 PM) Adam: is you are holding on to an idealized version of this person..and thinking like damn i cant imagine my life without them etc
(11:55:37 PM) Adam: but i mean you have to ask yourself, does the good outweigh the bad
(11:55:52 PM) Me: but then relationships become business decisions
(11:56:01 PM) Me: running a cost benefit on my friends
(11:56:03 PM) Me: just seems
(11:56:04 PM) Me: cold
(11:56:07 PM) Adam: umm
(11:56:24 PM) Adam: getting wsated n hopping in your friends car, wrecking it, letting him pay for it, lying about it, etc seems pretty fucking cold
(11:56:25 PM) Adam: no?
(11:56:46 PM) Me: shouldn't i try to be the better person
(11:56:54 PM) Me: if they're cold, be warmer
(11:56:56 PM) Adam: not at the expense of your dignity
(11:56:57 PM) Me: so to speak?
(11:56:59 PM) Adam: no
(11:57:00 PM) Adam: sorry
(11:57:26 PM) Adam: with nick i thought , well, at this point i just need to carry the friendship fro a while
(11:57:28 PM) Adam: and it will work out
(11:57:46 PM) Adam: but it destroyed me on a daily basis, and the worse i felt, i started realizing it was taking no toll on him whatsoever
(11:57:53 PM) Adam: theres nothing cold about recognizing that and making a change
(11:58:26 PM) Adam: you shouldn t have to work so hard all the time for something that is meant to be
(11:58:30 PM) Adam: i mean of course friendships require work
(11:59:00 PM) Adam: but cmon
(11:59:35 PM) Me: does itr make sense
(11:59:36 PM) Me: that
(11:59:39 PM) Me: even tho
(11:59:49 PM) Me: greg fucked the car, lied about it, then let me pay for it
(12:00:03 AM) Me: i am still just as, if not more, hurt
(12:00:10 AM) Me: by ben not having my back
(12:00:12 AM) Me: so t ospeak
(12:00:41 AM) Adam: OF COURSE
(12:00:49 AM) Adam: i mena
(12:00:51 AM) Adam: mean*
(12:01:01 AM) Adam: what would you have done if you were ben?
(12:01:12 AM) Me: i'm not sure thats fair
(12:01:21 AM) Adam: hm ok i mean i guess yorue right
(12:01:41 AM) Adam: its just that bens supposed to have your best interest at heart , theoretically
(12:02:23 AM) Me: i would hope
(12:02:27 AM) Me: as i certainly have his
(12:03:21 AM) Me: but, again, that may not be fair of me
(12:04:37 AM) Adam: youre making excuses for him
(12:04:52 AM) Adam: that situation is so clear cut
(12:05:05 AM) Adam: im sure i could poll like 50 people n they would all be like , wtf
(12:05:57 AM) Me: trying my best to be fair, you really don't think there is an argument to be made for the difficulty of being stuck between two friends -- and simply opting to stay out of it
(12:06:28 AM) Adam: the things i would consider in that situation i guess
(12:07:05 AM) Adam: would be his friendship wiht you, n his friendship with doug(?)...i mean i guess if he is closer with one or the other that would affect it
(12:07:05 AM) Adam: BUT
(12:07:29 AM) Adam: in this situation, the nature of the issue, to me , is not something that should be ignored
(12:07:43 AM) Me: the nature being?
(12:08:34 AM) Adam: its not like oh its something that hed be better off not knowing..or its not worht mentioning cuz it doesnt help anyone...like you absolutely should have known about that---
(12:08:36 AM) Adam: i mean
(12:09:10 AM) Adam: fi nothing else, you CLEARLY should not be loaning your car to someone who is DRIVING IT DRUNK ever again...by not telling you about it, they are letting you put your property, finances, trust in dangerous situations
(12:09:44 AM) Adam: i jsut truly feel its a situation that is hurting you by not telling you....it would be anohter thing if it was a situation where, like i said, a friend decided wlel it would be better for him if he didnt know
(12:11:20 AM) Me: mmm
(12:11:25 AM) Adam: ?
(12:11:35 AM) Me: just thinking
(12:11:39 AM) Adam: yeah i hear ya
(12:12:12 AM) Me: its a difficult thing to deal with as, presumably, actions must change
(12:12:14 AM) Me: otherwise
(12:12:17 AM) Me: its just moot
(12:12:19 AM) Me: you know?
(12:12:44 AM) Adam: yeah ...and i mean i totally understand its not like you cna just say oh this person is shitty so i just wont be friends with them anymore
(12:12:46 AM) Adam: i get that
(12:13:04 AM) Adam: and some of my language may be exagerrated due to recent experiences, but the sentiment is important
(12:13:23 AM) Adam: you have every right to be feeling the way yo uare feeling, if not even moreso than you are letting yourself feel
(12:14:08 AM) Me: well, i;m sure it will look better from the other side
(12:14:22 AM) Me: how'd the results of your test come back? good i hope?
(12:15:37 AM) Adam: they need to monitor it for 3 months before they decide if surgery is needed right now
(12:16:11 AM) Me: so, what does that mean for you? lots of doctor's visits?
(12:16:58 AM) Adam: oh no they are letting me go until 3 months from now, basically its 'moderately severe'..not life threatening at this point..they want to see in 3 months if the leakage has fixed itself at all, or started getting worse
(12:17:23 AM) Me: so, we're just hoping for the best at this point?
(12:17:57 AM) Adam: yessir...trying to adopt much healthier lifestyle, not that it necessarily caused it, or will help, but nows as good a time as any
(12:18:42 AM) Me: finding yourself in a better mood since leaving nick?
(12:19:10 AM) Adam: sort of yeah..if i think about him, or the situation i get upset/sad/question myself
(12:19:11 AM) Adam: but
(12:19:29 AM) Adam: since he is out of my life, i can sort of have many more moments of clarity, get distance from it, and see it for what it was
(12:19:40 AM) Adam: when i see him everyday it was hard to convince myself what i needed to do, you know?
(12:19:51 AM) Me: yeah
(12:19:52 AM) Me: i do
(12:19:53 AM) Adam: i gave it everything i had, there was nothing more i could do
(12:20:00 AM) Adam: except respectfully step away
(12:20:30 AM) Adam: and i mean i still care about him as a friend, hes one of the most important people ive known etc, and maybe a couple years from now we can be friends again
(12:20:35 AM) Adam: but right now its simply not possible
(12:21:28 AM) Me: anything else new for you?
(12:22:03 AM) Adam: nah..that situation n heart stuff was the past couple weeks...weather is getting warm..some good things to look forward to here and there, so just thinking positive
(12:22:28 AM) Adam: whenever osmething bad happens i try and spin it as a time to sort of overhaul my life, make it a positve thing you know
(12:22:40 AM) Me: yeah
(12:22:46 AM) Me: learning experience
(12:22:55 AM) Me: it'll look better from the other side
(12:23:00 AM) Me: is what i try and tell myself
(12:23:27 AM) Adam: it will.. i mean you can put up with things but somethimes they just make you plateau and itll just end up holding you back
(12:23:32 AM) Adam: so you gotta be aware
(11:24:44 PM) Me: i need you to tell me if i am being a girl
(11:24:54 PM) Adam: ok lets hear it
(11:25:21 PM) Me: remember when i was in chicago, i was talking to you about the blown tires on my car from when greg, my roommate at the time, had it?
(11:26:54 PM) Adam: yeah yeah of course
(11:27:29 PM) Me: so
(11:27:31 PM) Me: he told me at the time
(11:27:33 PM) Me: that
(11:27:42 PM) Me: one of the tires had blown
(11:27:43 PM) Me: so
(11:28:05 PM) Me: the car went over a curb and onto grass
(11:28:10 PM) Adam: (my internet is being dodgy, if i disappear ill be back)
(11:28:13 PM) Adam: uh huh
(11:28:16 PM) Me: he changes the tire
(11:28:19 PM) Me: lost that part
(11:28:21 PM) Me: and came home
(11:28:29 PM) Me: (dodgy is a good word)
(11:29:08 PM) Me: as irritated as i was that i had to deal with buying new tires, and getting that new piece, my attitude was
(11:29:12 PM) Me: its a blow tire
(11:29:17 PM) Me: he couldn't have avoided it
(11:29:24 PM) Me: in letting him use the car
(11:29:33 PM) Me: i was accepting the chance that something like that may happen
(11:29:34 PM) Me: so
(11:29:39 PM) Me: i can not hold him accountable
(11:29:55 PM) Me: so
(11:29:59 PM) Me: i spend the money
(11:30:01 PM) Me: fix the car
(11:30:07 PM) Me: get over being annoyed
(11:30:12 PM) Me: and go on my merry way
(11:30:18 PM) Me: until this past weekend
(11:31:17 PM) Me: i am at a restaurant with a bunch of people, one of whom makes an off hand reference to 'like that thing greg did with his buddy's car a couple weeks ago'
(11:31:21 PM) Me: this gets my attention
(11:31:23 PM) Me: because
(11:31:26 PM) Me: as far as i know
(11:31:33 PM) Adam: sorry i missed everything after "the car went overa curb onto grass"
(11:31:33 PM) Me: i am the only one that lets greg use their car
(11:31:41 PM) Adam: sorry i missed everything after "the car went overa curb onto grass"
(11:31:51 PM) Me: (11:28:16 PM) Me: he changes the tire
(11:28:19 PM) Me: lost that part
(11:28:21 PM) Me: and came home
(11:28:29 PM) Me: (dodgy is a good word)
(11:29:08 PM) Me: as irritated as i was that i had to deal with buying new tires, and getting that new piece, my attitude was
(11:29:12 PM) Me: its a blow tire
(11:29:17 PM) Me: he couldn't have avoided it
(11:29:24 PM) Me: in letting him use the car
(11:29:33 PM) Me: i was accepting the chance that something like that may happen
(11:29:34 PM) Me: so
(11:29:39 PM) Me: i can not hold him accountable
(11:29:55 PM) Me: so
(11:29:59 PM) Me: i spend the money
(11:30:01 PM) Me: fix the car
(11:30:07 PM) Me: get over being annoyed
(11:30:12 PM) Me: and go on my merry way
(11:30:18 PM) Me: until this past weekend
(11:31:17 PM) Me: i am at a restaurant with a bunch of people, one of whom makes an off hand reference to 'like that thing greg did with his buddy's car a couple weeks ago'
(11:31:21 PM) Me: this gets my attention
(11:31:23 PM) Me: because
(11:31:26 PM) Me: as far as i know
(11:31:33 PM) Adam: sorry i missed everything after "the car went overa curb onto grass"
(11:31:33 PM) Me: i am the only one that lets greg use their car
(11:31:41 PM) Adam: sorry i missed everything after "the car went overa curb onto grass"
(11:32:36 PM) Adam: ok im caught up
(11:32:37 PM) Adam: keep going
(11:32:58 PM) Me: so, i;m like 'doug, lets here that story'
(11:33:05 PM) Me: turns out
(11:33:13 PM) Me: that night
(11:33:16 PM) Me: greg is hammered
(11:33:29 PM) Me: and decides to race from one house in bonnet to aqnother
(11:33:53 PM) Adam: are you kidding me
(11:33:58 PM) Me: hits 60 leaving
(11:34:03 PM) Me: the road they were on
(11:34:09 PM) Me: tryes to do a powerslide
(11:34:20 PM) Me: (pulling the ebrake to make a tigher turn)
(11:34:26 PM) Me: but fucks it up
(11:34:45 PM) Me: and ends up hitting a curb and landing on a neighbor's lawn
(11:34:52 PM) Adam: okay
(11:34:54 PM) Adam: the second
(11:35:03 PM) Adam: he went near your car with any alcohol in his system
(11:35:11 PM) Adam: he is a total fucking asshole
(11:35:13 PM) Adam: thats so wrong
(11:35:19 PM) Adam: theres no excuse , whatsoever
(11:35:23 PM) Me: funny thing, thats not even what i am upset about
(11:35:25 PM) Adam: completely irresponsible
(11:35:37 PM) Adam: oh god
(11:35:38 PM) Adam: keep going
(11:36:11 PM) Me: so
(11:36:24 PM) Me: after i am told this
(11:36:36 PM) Me: ben, who is also at the table, throws his hands up
(11:36:42 PM) Me: and says
(11:36:52 PM) Me: 'i was sworn to secrecy'
(11:36:59 PM) Adam: thats SO SHITTY
(11:37:06 PM) Adam: completely shitty
(11:37:14 PM) Me: i bring it up
(11:37:17 PM) Me: the next day
(11:37:19 PM) Me: and am like
(11:37:20 PM) Me: dude
(11:37:23 PM) Me: thats messed up
(11:37:27 PM) Me: and his answer is
(11:37:36 PM) Me: he told me in confidence
(11:37:49 PM) Adam: ok that rule does not apply
(11:37:51 PM) Adam: in these situations
(11:37:58 PM) Me: we don't seem to be getting anywhere, so i drop it
(11:38:01 PM) Me: and tell myself
(11:38:15 PM) Me: this isn't something worth losig a friend(s) over
(11:38:15 PM) Me: so
(11:38:19 PM) Adam: uggggh
(11:38:19 PM) Me: whatever, i'll get over it
(11:38:22 PM) Me: then
(11:38:23 PM) Me: today
(11:38:26 PM) Me: at dinner
(11:38:32 PM) Me: i am talking with two other friends
(11:38:41 PM) Me: one being my other new roommate
(11:38:43 PM) Me: bryce
(11:38:46 PM) Me: bryan*
(11:39:13 PM) Me: he mentions
(11:39:14 PM) Me: that
(11:39:16 PM) Me: he knew about it
(11:39:19 PM) Me: because ben told him
(11:39:21 PM) Me: so
(11:39:26 PM) Me: to recap
(11:39:30 PM) Adam: can i ?
(11:41:40 PM) Adam: youre friend took advantage of your repeated kindness in letting him borrow your car, essentailly thanked you by saying oh hey fuck you i dont respect you enough to respect your property so im going to do something completely fucking stupid and pretend to be vin diesel and drive wasted, fucked up your car, lied about it, told your best friend, who told others, they all sat there and let you feel sympathy for this idiot, spend your hard earned money fixing it, etc etc
(11:42:03 PM) Adam: and you havent even gotten an apology from any parties have you? just oh i was sworn to secrecy? like wtf is that shit
(11:43:05 PM) Me: so
(11:43:07 PM) Me: in a nutshell
(11:43:11 PM) Me: thats kinda how i feel abou it
(11:43:12 PM) Me: but
(11:43:16 PM) Me: at the same time
(11:43:18 PM) Me: something tells me
(11:43:29 PM) Me: that i'm over reacting over stupid shit
(11:43:32 PM) Adam: umm
(11:43:35 PM) Me: that won't matter a month from now
(11:43:35 PM) Adam: ABSOLUTELY NOT
(11:43:36 PM) Me: but
(11:43:40 PM) Me: honestly
(11:43:44 PM) Me: im really hurt
(11:43:45 PM) Adam: okay so obviously one incident isnt worth losing friendships
(11:43:45 PM) Me: over it
(11:43:47 PM) Adam: but
(11:44:04 PM) Adam: you need to be aware of patterns of behavior, how people in your life treat you, sometimes it seems innocent enough
(11:44:09 PM) Adam: but like at a certain point
(11:44:13 PM) Adam: i mean that story is RIDICULOUS
(11:44:16 PM) Adam: i would have been livid
(11:44:51 PM) Adam: aside from it being irresponsible, cheap, shitty etc...its just plain completely disrespectful to you
(11:44:54 PM) Adam: completely
(11:45:15 PM) Me: so
(11:45:22 PM) Me: there really is no other side to this?
(11:45:42 PM) Adam: um no, you are completely right-- in fact you should be even more angry/hurt!
(11:45:48 PM) Adam: like that story is ridiculous
(11:45:53 PM) Adam: i cant express that enough
(11:46:05 PM) Adam: and believe me, i am king of rationalizing shitty behavior exhibited by people i care about
(11:46:24 PM) Adam: but life is way too short to not respect yourself enough to be treated teh way you deserve to be treated
(11:46:29 PM) Adam: im not saying get rid of thsoe friends
(11:46:56 PM) Adam: but if they want the privilege of having your friendship, they need to understand how utterly disrespectful that was
(11:47:11 PM) Adam: you realize that i hope?
(11:47:51 PM) Me: logically yes, emotionally, i still feel like i don't have another way of dealing with it
(11:48:05 PM) Adam: right because
(11:48:53 PM) Adam: youre not the one who needs to be processing emotions in this situation-- youve felt exactly what youre supposed to feel, but its a one sided situation-- the impetus is on them to be realizing how hurtful they are being-- they are the ones who should be up late asking people advice on how to apologize to you, how to mend that friendship
(11:49:08 PM) Adam: does that make sense?
(11:49:17 PM) Me: i mean
(11:49:18 PM) Me: it does
(11:49:19 PM) Me: but
(11:49:23 PM) Me: its not reality
(11:49:28 PM) Adam: i spent two months trying to fix this friendship with nick, tried everything, and it drove me crazy
(11:49:33 PM) Adam: i was the only one trying though
(11:49:39 PM) Adam: and i wasnt even the one who did something shitty
(11:49:45 PM) Adam: you cant do their dirty laundry!!
(11:50:05 PM) Adam: right i mean you cant make them act that way
(11:50:24 PM) Adam: but you can do things in your control, such as respecting yourself enough to put your foot down
(11:50:41 PM) Me: i think im just scared that i need them more than they need me
(11:50:42 PM) Me: so
(11:50:48 PM) Me: when i put my foot down
(11:51:00 PM) Me: its essentially an ultimatum
(11:51:04 PM) Me: which is only helpful
(11:51:06 PM) Adam: would you rather lose a friend or spend your life being the doormat in a friendship?
(11:51:20 PM) Adam: okay well
(11:51:23 PM) Me: doormat
(11:51:33 PM) Me: most days anyway
(11:51:49 PM) Adam: its like
(11:52:15 PM) Adam: one day someone starts coughing, and the next day it gets worse, n then they start coughing blood, and on and on more symptoms
(11:52:24 PM) Adam: and they keep ignoring it
(11:52:30 PM) Adam: and then the yfinally go to the dr
(11:52:35 PM) Adam: n hes like oh you have lung cancer
(11:52:56 PM) Adam: you have all these little episodes with people being shitty
(11:53:01 PM) Adam: and they are symptoms!
(11:53:04 PM) Adam: of a larger sickness!
(11:53:29 PM) Adam: you can keep ignoring them and let them bury you, or you can get some antibiotics and have a chance at being happy n healthy
(11:53:30 PM) Adam: yeah?
(11:53:44 PM) Adam: lets break it down
(11:53:54 PM) Adam: youre afraid you need them more than they need you?
(11:54:31 PM) Me: i mean
(11:54:32 PM) Me: i thnk thats its
(11:54:34 PM) Me: it*
(11:54:39 PM) Adam: i mean that makes sense
(11:54:44 PM) Adam: but its like
(11:55:05 PM) Adam: you have to think honestly about each friend, and say what are you really getting from them..it sounds selfish, but its true...because often what happens
(11:55:22 PM) Adam: is you are holding on to an idealized version of this person..and thinking like damn i cant imagine my life without them etc
(11:55:37 PM) Adam: but i mean you have to ask yourself, does the good outweigh the bad
(11:55:52 PM) Me: but then relationships become business decisions
(11:56:01 PM) Me: running a cost benefit on my friends
(11:56:03 PM) Me: just seems
(11:56:04 PM) Me: cold
(11:56:07 PM) Adam: umm
(11:56:24 PM) Adam: getting wsated n hopping in your friends car, wrecking it, letting him pay for it, lying about it, etc seems pretty fucking cold
(11:56:25 PM) Adam: no?
(11:56:46 PM) Me: shouldn't i try to be the better person
(11:56:54 PM) Me: if they're cold, be warmer
(11:56:56 PM) Adam: not at the expense of your dignity
(11:56:57 PM) Me: so to speak?
(11:56:59 PM) Adam: no
(11:57:00 PM) Adam: sorry
(11:57:26 PM) Adam: with nick i thought , well, at this point i just need to carry the friendship fro a while
(11:57:28 PM) Adam: and it will work out
(11:57:46 PM) Adam: but it destroyed me on a daily basis, and the worse i felt, i started realizing it was taking no toll on him whatsoever
(11:57:53 PM) Adam: theres nothing cold about recognizing that and making a change
(11:58:26 PM) Adam: you shouldn t have to work so hard all the time for something that is meant to be
(11:58:30 PM) Adam: i mean of course friendships require work
(11:59:00 PM) Adam: but cmon
(11:59:35 PM) Me: does itr make sense
(11:59:36 PM) Me: that
(11:59:39 PM) Me: even tho
(11:59:49 PM) Me: greg fucked the car, lied about it, then let me pay for it
(12:00:03 AM) Me: i am still just as, if not more, hurt
(12:00:10 AM) Me: by ben not having my back
(12:00:12 AM) Me: so t ospeak
(12:00:41 AM) Adam: OF COURSE
(12:00:49 AM) Adam: i mena
(12:00:51 AM) Adam: mean*
(12:01:01 AM) Adam: what would you have done if you were ben?
(12:01:12 AM) Me: i'm not sure thats fair
(12:01:21 AM) Adam: hm ok i mean i guess yorue right
(12:01:41 AM) Adam: its just that bens supposed to have your best interest at heart , theoretically
(12:02:23 AM) Me: i would hope
(12:02:27 AM) Me: as i certainly have his
(12:03:21 AM) Me: but, again, that may not be fair of me
(12:04:37 AM) Adam: youre making excuses for him
(12:04:52 AM) Adam: that situation is so clear cut
(12:05:05 AM) Adam: im sure i could poll like 50 people n they would all be like , wtf
(12:05:57 AM) Me: trying my best to be fair, you really don't think there is an argument to be made for the difficulty of being stuck between two friends -- and simply opting to stay out of it
(12:06:28 AM) Adam: the things i would consider in that situation i guess
(12:07:05 AM) Adam: would be his friendship wiht you, n his friendship with doug(?)...i mean i guess if he is closer with one or the other that would affect it
(12:07:05 AM) Adam: BUT
(12:07:29 AM) Adam: in this situation, the nature of the issue, to me , is not something that should be ignored
(12:07:43 AM) Me: the nature being?
(12:08:34 AM) Adam: its not like oh its something that hed be better off not knowing..or its not worht mentioning cuz it doesnt help anyone...like you absolutely should have known about that---
(12:08:36 AM) Adam: i mean
(12:09:10 AM) Adam: fi nothing else, you CLEARLY should not be loaning your car to someone who is DRIVING IT DRUNK ever again...by not telling you about it, they are letting you put your property, finances, trust in dangerous situations
(12:09:44 AM) Adam: i jsut truly feel its a situation that is hurting you by not telling you....it would be anohter thing if it was a situation where, like i said, a friend decided wlel it would be better for him if he didnt know
(12:11:20 AM) Me: mmm
(12:11:25 AM) Adam: ?
(12:11:35 AM) Me: just thinking
(12:11:39 AM) Adam: yeah i hear ya
(12:12:12 AM) Me: its a difficult thing to deal with as, presumably, actions must change
(12:12:14 AM) Me: otherwise
(12:12:17 AM) Me: its just moot
(12:12:19 AM) Me: you know?
(12:12:44 AM) Adam: yeah ...and i mean i totally understand its not like you cna just say oh this person is shitty so i just wont be friends with them anymore
(12:12:46 AM) Adam: i get that
(12:13:04 AM) Adam: and some of my language may be exagerrated due to recent experiences, but the sentiment is important
(12:13:23 AM) Adam: you have every right to be feeling the way yo uare feeling, if not even moreso than you are letting yourself feel
(12:14:08 AM) Me: well, i;m sure it will look better from the other side
(12:14:22 AM) Me: how'd the results of your test come back? good i hope?
(12:15:37 AM) Adam: they need to monitor it for 3 months before they decide if surgery is needed right now
(12:16:11 AM) Me: so, what does that mean for you? lots of doctor's visits?
(12:16:58 AM) Adam: oh no they are letting me go until 3 months from now, basically its 'moderately severe'..not life threatening at this point..they want to see in 3 months if the leakage has fixed itself at all, or started getting worse
(12:17:23 AM) Me: so, we're just hoping for the best at this point?
(12:17:57 AM) Adam: yessir...trying to adopt much healthier lifestyle, not that it necessarily caused it, or will help, but nows as good a time as any
(12:18:42 AM) Me: finding yourself in a better mood since leaving nick?
(12:19:10 AM) Adam: sort of yeah..if i think about him, or the situation i get upset/sad/question myself
(12:19:11 AM) Adam: but
(12:19:29 AM) Adam: since he is out of my life, i can sort of have many more moments of clarity, get distance from it, and see it for what it was
(12:19:40 AM) Adam: when i see him everyday it was hard to convince myself what i needed to do, you know?
(12:19:51 AM) Me: yeah
(12:19:52 AM) Me: i do
(12:19:53 AM) Adam: i gave it everything i had, there was nothing more i could do
(12:20:00 AM) Adam: except respectfully step away
(12:20:30 AM) Adam: and i mean i still care about him as a friend, hes one of the most important people ive known etc, and maybe a couple years from now we can be friends again
(12:20:35 AM) Adam: but right now its simply not possible
(12:21:28 AM) Me: anything else new for you?
(12:22:03 AM) Adam: nah..that situation n heart stuff was the past couple weeks...weather is getting warm..some good things to look forward to here and there, so just thinking positive
(12:22:28 AM) Adam: whenever osmething bad happens i try and spin it as a time to sort of overhaul my life, make it a positve thing you know
(12:22:40 AM) Me: yeah
(12:22:46 AM) Me: learning experience
(12:22:55 AM) Me: it'll look better from the other side
(12:23:00 AM) Me: is what i try and tell myself
(12:23:27 AM) Adam: it will.. i mean you can put up with things but somethimes they just make you plateau and itll just end up holding you back
(12:23:32 AM) Adam: so you gotta be aware