What do you forward to?
What do I look forward to? -
An introspective question that intermittently jiggles my dormant brain cells
What awaits me in the immediate seconds and minutes?
Do I look forward to my breakfast, if there is any.
An insignificant event that perhaps is not worth looking forward to.
Or is it, since many claim that a hearty first meal is a great start to the day.
I frankly do not give half a hoot.
A part of me looks forward to throwing on that matching coat & scarf,
laboriously prepared the night before.
Superficial? Perhaps. I look forward to not exhibiting a thoughtless wardrobe.
Walking out of my compound, I used to look forward to that walk to the station.
I have since forsaken that fancy for the tram - to avoid the chilly winter winds.
I look forward to seeing my train arrive on time when I am early at the platform.
I too look forward to seeing my train run late when I am behind time.
Arriving in the office, there is little to look forward to other than the first coffee.
I have to fast forward time to my lunch hour,
since there is nothing immediate to look forward to.
After lunch, it is the same thing.
I look forward to catching the train home, though
on three days out of five, I look forward to my gym regime.
Most of the days, I do not look forward to cooking dinner.
So, what awaits me in the non-immediate days & weeks?
I look forward to Fridays, but do not always feel the same towards weekends.
Eventless weekends serve as repeated reminders that I am in a vicious cycle of monotony.
Week after week time passes, without me looking forward to anything.
I hate that endless pattern of evaporated time.
I fear that next weekend of nothingness but mundane routine.
What awaits me in the coming months & years?
A retropective process that tries to map the future with the past.
More than three years ago, I looked forward to an adventure away from home.
On this day, I wonder whether I can look forward to another great escapade.
Or can I, after dispelling my responsibilities three years ago.
Do I still have that right to look forward to anything from here on,
after enjoying that right bestowed upon me well beyond its expiry period.
My family, my friends - do I not look forward to their presence back home?
Yet, the nagging urge to avoid accepting my destiny makes me run, away.
I fear rejection from the place & people I once used to know.
When you look forward to something or someone,
it is the catalyst that keeps you inspired to propel ahead -
To overcome trying circumstances or become someone a little better.
It breathes life into an otherwise stagnant soul,
and sets the heart palpitating for that special encounter.
What happens there is nothing to look forward to? -
And all that you see is an endless horizon of nothingness?
Will you please tell me, what happens?