Finally moving on?
Maybe I'm getting it right this time.
BUT...maybe not. (don't really know until you get there.)
I think...well...no. I FEEL that the next step is to move out.
Yeah...been putting it off due to katrina. Really drove up the scarcity and cost of renting. So, I'll find a roomie, or something.
And, I started a new hobby.
Moving on...
Thoughts written out...here we go...
I've always fancied myself as this "can do" person, who never lets anything stand in his way and ALWAYS "saves the day."
Well, this is only partially true. I seem to be able to commit to that idea when the problem is someone elses. So, I'm trying to get rid of my own problems...slowly but surely.
What do I want to do with myself? I never really could answer that question, but I think I've come to a realization about it. For me, it doesn't seem to matter.
Its true. (to an extent) I challenge the world with what I'm about to say, but its a challenge I gladly take. I can do almost anything I want. I can do it well (with practice) and learn to be, at least, competent in whatever it is. I've never felt like I had a "specialization"...anything, any job I've done...I've done really well. Sometimes insanely well.
Except college, of course. But I've been over that. I didn't finish because its not what I wanted. I was going for someone elses comfort. I never found my reason. Maybe one day. I know that if/when I do...nothing will stop me in finishing. Nothing ever does.
I call all of that my "luck"...
Seriously. Everywhere I go, anything I really try to do...it almost always comes out positive. I have a weird sense of motivation that springs up when -someone else- presents a problem -they- are having. Maybe its a superiority thing, you know? "haha, I'll prove that I'm at least this much better then you." But I don't think so.
But when its my own problem? Oh-ho..."no action taken this turn." BUT...that feels like it changing.
I quit MMOs (for now) WoW and XI. Boy, I have a LOT of free time.
Since then, I've felt a lot more relaxed about what I want to do. I know I have to finish college one day, and grow up, and all that...but I feel like I have a LOT more time to do it in. I've realized I have no time limit. Except moving out. I feel like a real loser still being here. Moving out at this time in this place is just a really hard project to do alone.
Aside from that...other things.
I've started dreaming again. Or rather, I've started remembering them. (I'm told you ALWAYS dream, you just don't always recall them.) Its been YEARS. I mean YEARS.
Sad things: My health has been odd lately. I have energy, and I think I'm fine but...
Ive been getting nosebleeds. Even when I don't go out into the weather. No, I'm not doing anything that would really cause them.
Not like the 10 second ones either. Like 5-10 minutes. Usually after a shower they're bad.
Headaches too. When I wake up, when I'm reading, when I'm laying down. Its getting annoying. I don't really like taking pills...at all. But I've taken 3 in the past month. Thats more then I took the whole year before that, and all of 2005. (maybe not combined) So, yeah...they're BAD.
Sleeping too. I'm getting used to waking up at 5:30ish (no reason...I just do.), but I can't get used to waking up at fuck all hours. 1-3 times a night. could be anytime. I seem to like 1:50ish tho'
This has, of course, resulted in random bouts of extreme fatigue. REALLY random.
Dunno whats going on, but anyway.
Wow...re-reading that..its not nearly as bad as it sounds. Trust me.
Good stuff...I'm still as happy as ever.
kinda weirds me out sometimes. The only time I ever get mad is when I'm driving. And its pretty sparse. Just yelling at the fuck offs that zoom down the "exit only" lane and try to skip in ahead of traffic at the last second. usually causes them to stop, and subsequently me the guy who actually WANTS to use that exit. So I get about 30 minutes of NEEDLESS traffic because people are stupid.
Something new I've a (at the least) passing interest in psychology. Mainly revolving around the mind of the avid gamer, specifically MMOs.
Lately I've been taking more and more interest in a generation thats really coming around. Specifically MY generation. the one of gamers.
BUT...maybe not. (don't really know until you get there.)
I think...well...no. I FEEL that the next step is to move out.
Yeah...been putting it off due to katrina. Really drove up the scarcity and cost of renting. So, I'll find a roomie, or something.
And, I started a new hobby.
Moving on...
Thoughts written out...here we go...
I've always fancied myself as this "can do" person, who never lets anything stand in his way and ALWAYS "saves the day."
Well, this is only partially true. I seem to be able to commit to that idea when the problem is someone elses. So, I'm trying to get rid of my own problems...slowly but surely.
What do I want to do with myself? I never really could answer that question, but I think I've come to a realization about it. For me, it doesn't seem to matter.
Its true. (to an extent) I challenge the world with what I'm about to say, but its a challenge I gladly take. I can do almost anything I want. I can do it well (with practice) and learn to be, at least, competent in whatever it is. I've never felt like I had a "specialization"...anything, any job I've done...I've done really well. Sometimes insanely well.
Except college, of course. But I've been over that. I didn't finish because its not what I wanted. I was going for someone elses comfort. I never found my reason. Maybe one day. I know that if/when I do...nothing will stop me in finishing. Nothing ever does.
I call all of that my "luck"...
Seriously. Everywhere I go, anything I really try to do...it almost always comes out positive. I have a weird sense of motivation that springs up when -someone else- presents a problem -they- are having. Maybe its a superiority thing, you know? "haha, I'll prove that I'm at least this much better then you." But I don't think so.
But when its my own problem? Oh-ho..."no action taken this turn." BUT...that feels like it changing.
I quit MMOs (for now) WoW and XI. Boy, I have a LOT of free time.
Since then, I've felt a lot more relaxed about what I want to do. I know I have to finish college one day, and grow up, and all that...but I feel like I have a LOT more time to do it in. I've realized I have no time limit. Except moving out. I feel like a real loser still being here. Moving out at this time in this place is just a really hard project to do alone.
Aside from that...other things.
I've started dreaming again. Or rather, I've started remembering them. (I'm told you ALWAYS dream, you just don't always recall them.) Its been YEARS. I mean YEARS.
Sad things: My health has been odd lately. I have energy, and I think I'm fine but...
Ive been getting nosebleeds. Even when I don't go out into the weather. No, I'm not doing anything that would really cause them.
Not like the 10 second ones either. Like 5-10 minutes. Usually after a shower they're bad.
Headaches too. When I wake up, when I'm reading, when I'm laying down. Its getting annoying. I don't really like taking pills...at all. But I've taken 3 in the past month. Thats more then I took the whole year before that, and all of 2005. (maybe not combined) So, yeah...they're BAD.
Sleeping too. I'm getting used to waking up at 5:30ish (no reason...I just do.), but I can't get used to waking up at fuck all hours. 1-3 times a night. could be anytime. I seem to like 1:50ish tho'
This has, of course, resulted in random bouts of extreme fatigue. REALLY random.
Dunno whats going on, but anyway.
Wow...re-reading that..its not nearly as bad as it sounds. Trust me.
Good stuff...I'm still as happy as ever.
kinda weirds me out sometimes. The only time I ever get mad is when I'm driving. And its pretty sparse. Just yelling at the fuck offs that zoom down the "exit only" lane and try to skip in ahead of traffic at the last second. usually causes them to stop, and subsequently me the guy who actually WANTS to use that exit. So I get about 30 minutes of NEEDLESS traffic because people are stupid.
Something new I've a (at the least) passing interest in psychology. Mainly revolving around the mind of the avid gamer, specifically MMOs.
Lately I've been taking more and more interest in a generation thats really coming around. Specifically MY generation. the one of gamers.