I love you - but you're bringing me down.
Whenever I feel so inclined to write in my LJ, I know there's some intensity going on. Not like I wouldn't have been aware otherwise.
Caught up in a few dilemmas.
Its crazy how life happens. Like everything is planned out. Im not saying im psychic, but I usually feel things a month or so before they happen.
I knew there was gonna be a drastic change in my life. Didn't know what or how, but could feel it coming.
Im moving out of my house. Getting kicked out, actually. The reasons are stupid and uncalled for, but I am ever grateful. I have been contemplating moving out, for financial purposes, but haven't had the strength to do it myself. And now im being forced.
Ill be able to save money (as long as I suppress my extreme shopping habit; but I need new shoes!!).. And im thinking about moving to Chicago. Actually, im more than thinking about it. I've BEEN thinking about it since I was 12... and now im set on it. Im going there in August for Lollapalooza and to visit my aunt.. And will be looking at schools, and trying to secure a living situation. I need to talk to my grandparents. Im sure they could somehow connect me.
In related news, Delaney moved to Ohio. It feels like a part of my body is missing. Im not complete without her. And it hasn't even fully sunken in yet. Im sure it will in a few days, when she's the only person I feel like seeing.
But... its just another incentive for me to move to Chicago. We'd be 4 hours away from each other! And im sure that, after awhile, we'd end up living together in the city.
Crazy how shit works out like that, right?
I also have a relationship dilemma (well.. I guess I have a couple of them).
I am fully aware of who my soulmate is. Our love is strong, and has lasted through many years and rough times. But we cannot be together. Because he is not ready. And I can't live my life thinking that someday he will be.
I hate the fact that I can't just be his friend. I've been able to in the past, but something always gets fucked up. And no matter what, I end up pissed or hurt.
I can't be around him without devoting all my attention onto his being. Its like this magnetic force that I can't prevent. Its a fucking obsession. An addiction.
In a perfect world, we'd be together. But we don't live in that world.. And he's somebody elses baby. And I am by NO means trying to play THAT game for the 700th time. Im fucking delusional if I think the Helen situation is any different than the Hilary.
All the more reason for me to leave. And find a new life. Rather, enhance my current life. Bring new experiences. Get the FUCK outta this goddamn fucking town!
You always said you'd come find me.
Caught up in a few dilemmas.
Its crazy how life happens. Like everything is planned out. Im not saying im psychic, but I usually feel things a month or so before they happen.
I knew there was gonna be a drastic change in my life. Didn't know what or how, but could feel it coming.
Im moving out of my house. Getting kicked out, actually. The reasons are stupid and uncalled for, but I am ever grateful. I have been contemplating moving out, for financial purposes, but haven't had the strength to do it myself. And now im being forced.
Ill be able to save money (as long as I suppress my extreme shopping habit; but I need new shoes!!).. And im thinking about moving to Chicago. Actually, im more than thinking about it. I've BEEN thinking about it since I was 12... and now im set on it. Im going there in August for Lollapalooza and to visit my aunt.. And will be looking at schools, and trying to secure a living situation. I need to talk to my grandparents. Im sure they could somehow connect me.
In related news, Delaney moved to Ohio. It feels like a part of my body is missing. Im not complete without her. And it hasn't even fully sunken in yet. Im sure it will in a few days, when she's the only person I feel like seeing.
But... its just another incentive for me to move to Chicago. We'd be 4 hours away from each other! And im sure that, after awhile, we'd end up living together in the city.
Crazy how shit works out like that, right?
I also have a relationship dilemma (well.. I guess I have a couple of them).
I am fully aware of who my soulmate is. Our love is strong, and has lasted through many years and rough times. But we cannot be together. Because he is not ready. And I can't live my life thinking that someday he will be.
I hate the fact that I can't just be his friend. I've been able to in the past, but something always gets fucked up. And no matter what, I end up pissed or hurt.
I can't be around him without devoting all my attention onto his being. Its like this magnetic force that I can't prevent. Its a fucking obsession. An addiction.
In a perfect world, we'd be together. But we don't live in that world.. And he's somebody elses baby. And I am by NO means trying to play THAT game for the 700th time. Im fucking delusional if I think the Helen situation is any different than the Hilary.
All the more reason for me to leave. And find a new life. Rather, enhance my current life. Bring new experiences. Get the FUCK outta this goddamn fucking town!
You always said you'd come find me.