When things fall apart...
Its just been one of those days... you know, when everything seems to go to hell all at once. Started out just fine. Got my hair trimmed, had lunch, went to Tucker and got to see some of my old teachers. Yeah, it started out as a good day. But then, as 4:00 was rolling around, things started to get worse. First of all, I was getting sad because Fall Break was coming to a close, and that meant that I would have to leave my family again to get back to school. Don't get me wrong, I like going to school here at MBC, but I just wanted more time with my family. Grandma came over to say goodbye and to bring dinner over. All of the sudden, she got really dizzy and sick to her stomach, then started to sweat and vomit. We had to call 911 to get her out of the house and to the hospital since she couldn't move. This happened over the summer as well, with the same result: hospitilization. Plus, she's just be diagnosed with some sort of chronic leukemia. No wonder she's always coughing so much. I worry about her a lot, and these trips to the emergency room don't help my worrying all that much.
Even before all this today, I had been feeling stressed out. Just... egh, classes, midterms, and nULL life, its all hard for me to handle. I get by, yes, and probably stress out more than I should, but I'm always drained at the end of the week, and find that they weekends go by entirely too fast. This busy schedule of mine has left me feeling very much weakened, and its times like this, when things seem to just fall apart at the seams, that I really need someone to lean on. I've always tried to be strong, and be someone that anyone else can come to for support when they need it. But now I'm sick of being strong. I want someone else to be strong for me now. I want to be able to run to someone and cry for a while. But whenever this happens, it seems like I can't find anyone. I know I have lots of friends here; all my sister nULLs are great, and I love them all very much, but I just don't feel like I can turn to them for this stuff. My family is too far away, and the phone hardly helps, so now I feel very... alone. I feel like crawling into bed and sleeping for a long, long time. But I know that I have to be up at 5:00 am tomorrow, and every other day this week until Friday. I feel like curling up and crying. But I don't want my roomate here to bother me about it. I feel like going outside and screaming. But I know that that will just disturb people. Damn it, what can I do?
Even before all this today, I had been feeling stressed out. Just... egh, classes, midterms, and nULL life, its all hard for me to handle. I get by, yes, and probably stress out more than I should, but I'm always drained at the end of the week, and find that they weekends go by entirely too fast. This busy schedule of mine has left me feeling very much weakened, and its times like this, when things seem to just fall apart at the seams, that I really need someone to lean on. I've always tried to be strong, and be someone that anyone else can come to for support when they need it. But now I'm sick of being strong. I want someone else to be strong for me now. I want to be able to run to someone and cry for a while. But whenever this happens, it seems like I can't find anyone. I know I have lots of friends here; all my sister nULLs are great, and I love them all very much, but I just don't feel like I can turn to them for this stuff. My family is too far away, and the phone hardly helps, so now I feel very... alone. I feel like crawling into bed and sleeping for a long, long time. But I know that I have to be up at 5:00 am tomorrow, and every other day this week until Friday. I feel like curling up and crying. But I don't want my roomate here to bother me about it. I feel like going outside and screaming. But I know that that will just disturb people. Damn it, what can I do?