life
do you ever feel like you're living in a movie? i mean, you say to yourself, "i've seen this before." and then you start thinking of all the dramatic scenes that actors or actresses have acted out. maybe you look to those movies for advice.
and maybe you're like me and just walk around, hoping that an answer will land in your lap... falling from some big post office in the sky.
unfortunately for me, nothing ever falls into my grasp... and im always left wondering.... waiting if the director of my life will decide how to end this mess. maybe he'll make another movie.
time will tell.
its really hard to tell... you know... what to do in certain situations. becuase there are questions in this world that leave you telling yourself... "yeah, but these things never happen to me. not here...... not to me... not now..." and it all just seems so.... surreal.
almost like you're living outside of your body. playing a role. moving with the strings.
and right now, there is definately someone pulling on my strings. and its pissing me off.
sometimes i feel extremely uncomfortable with the things that i have to deal with.
becuase i know that its all on me. because no one really understands what im going through. and please, don't bust out the tissues.
this is not a plea to get you to feel sorry for me.
but its the truth. nobody really understands... and im not complaining.. im just saying... nobody does.
i mean, yeah, it would be nice if someone could walk around in my shoes for a day, give me some time off, see all the things that are on my mind.
it would be nice for someone to understand.
only becuase it would be a whole hell of a lot easier if i could explain myself to people without wondering how im going to get them to understand.
and then also, there's that whole damn trust issue.
damn caw. damn him, damn him, and damn him again. ha. well not really. he probably taught me one of the most valuable lessons in my entire life.
and that would be... people are not what you think they are. don't go around trusting your best friend.
and again, im not complaining. im just thinking. out loud.
wow, but i do love him to death though. i think i would still go as far to say that he is still the best friend ive ever had, and probably will ever have.
just becuase he stopped talking to me for no (cough) apparent reason and literally broke my heart in the middle of a really hard time doesn't mean anything.
im a big girl. i've moved on.
i keep moving on.
my life is complicated.
there are a lot of twists and turns on my road. and so far, ive traveled every one of them... sometimes reluctantly, sometimes gracefully, sometimes running at full speed, and sometimes stopping along the way to take it all in.
right now, im going reluctantly.
there are just a lot of questions in my little head. and i have to answer them before i can completely move on. so im moving, yes, thats for certain. but im just going kinda slowly. cause i can't (its not a matter of wants anymore) i repeat, can't walk away from this.
pray. if i could ask anything of all of you, it would be to pray.
because i honestly believe in the power of prayer. its something that i have a renewed faith in.
pray for me.
pray for my family.
pray for our world.
oh boy.
again i find myself extremely tired.
and on the verge of crankiness.
now would be a good time to stop.
goodnight
-molly