well
The piano playing is a bit of a insanity trigger for me. The little things i'll never say. I used to never tell people i love them, i'd never show you i cared but now i over do it. i tell you things when i don't mean them. I create meaning in nothing. all sincerity seems to be lost with me, i create meaningless relationships to fill "voids" as you might want to call them. when i get close to someone i doubt it and run away because i think i'm just doing it again and making false claims to friendship and love. i don't really care. I need something to change this but how would that be possible with me religiously jumping in and backing out running and not looking back. i'm insecure and scared. i'm outgoing and expressive. i'm alive and going about it all. intoxication is a weakness in these days. i won't be like this forever. i won't tell you you've hurt me. i look for comfort in the people who hurt me most. i run to them like some kind of child looking to be reassured that their mother still loves them after they have done something wrong, and they apologize over and over and over just looking for approval. So when you "forgive" me when i apologize for the things YOU HAVE done wrong don't think you have me all figured out, i still hate you, but i'll probally still love you just for hurting me, just for teaching me something new. I'm not really like these entries i write, i'm an airhead in real life. i get in these moods and write things that seem to be coming from an intelligent person, but they don't portray my everyday self very well. i can never decide where i want to post entries...myspace..here..xanga. meaningless meaningless pfft shit.