A year of reflection
Dear Everybody,
This very day, a year ago, I was on the eve of my birthday. I had just liberated myself by leaving a job I hated. I decided even though I was unemployed in what was looking to be a downward spiral of an economy, that I would make the best of my birthday. Since everyone I knew was at work/school, I had to hang out by myself. I found myself driving through my hometown and listening to New Found Glory's COMING HOME cd. All the while I was wondering how I got to be 25 years old when the last thing I remembered was being 15 and carefree.
As I drove through the city, I started to see the beauty of it reflect back on me. I thought about all those teenage days when I wanted nothing more than to leave this "small town" and break out to the world. I wanted to write for the masses. I wanted to dance at any chance. I wanted to stand in the crowd at pop concerts and scream lyrics out that made me feel alive. As I reached my 20's, I started to realize that life could be much worse than living in Jacksonville, FL. We are, after all, home to some amazing musicians. I saw Yellowcard before all the member changes. I saw Red Jumpsuit Apparatus before all the member changes. I saw Shadow Agency before all the...wtf, dude. Can Jax bands have one line up and stick with it?! (LOL) I grew up knowing that Freebird was down the road and that I could talk to a member of Southern Rock Royalty at any given show. Jacksonville is home. Florida is home. Music is home.
So as I drove around thinking of all I had become and more of what I had not. I reflected on a quarter century of experience. What made it through the storm and what (and whom) was just a distant memory filled my thoughts.
I remembered climbing into my dad's car on countless days as he headed straight to Orlando for me to see another show. I remembered the first time I drove to Orlando by myself and how it was for completely different bands than those prior years. All the concerts and events in all the years and the friends who stood by me for every show or for just one show flashed in sequence.
The night before this trip down memory lane, an ad caught my eye online. It seemed the Backstreet Boys were releasing a cd: October 30th, 2007. I thought my mind was playing tricks on me or that somehow they had a second greatest hits coming out. I kept up with the Boys until NEVER GONE. When they took a break from that cd and later announced that Kevin was gone, I assumed it would be awhile until anything BSB was released. That's what you get for assuming.
Being as it was MY birthday eve, I drove to the nearest Target to pick up the latest BSB CD. As I held it in my hands, I couldn't help the flashbacks. There was 12 year old me, sitting in my mom's van as we drove around to look for book covers for my 7th grade books. These 5 young male voices came on the radio and said they were the Backstreet Boys from Orlando, Florida. They did an interview with the dj and sang a cappella. It was 1994. A few months earlier, I saw a tiny little picture of them in one of my teen magazines. I thought the younger one was cute, but he was no Justin Timberlake (my MMC crush).
From there I flashed to the day I found out about 'NSYNC and thought "Oh, GOD! They will be in direct competition with BSB!" BSB were still unknown in the States but they were huge in Canada and Europe. 'NSYNC was unknown everywhere. Then came the release of "Quit Playing Games With My Heart". My friends all told me there was NO WAY I had known about BSB for that long, but mom remembers having to go in Barnes and Noble and get my book covers by herself because I refused to get out of that car during that interview. At 12, I was way ahead of the average teenybopper.
As I walked to the register holding a CD that missed Kevin's photo, I flashed back again. This time to a 15 year old me. A young girl who was coping as best she could with the news that her grandmother had cancer. A few months before, on my actual birthday, I didn't have a big party or really any type of celebration for the first time in my life. I couldn't celebrate while my grandmother was in the hospital having having her gull bladder removed. My dad was trying to keep the three of us kids under control. I was complaining about no one caring that I was old enough to have a permit while my brother and sister were worried about Halloween candy at the mall. I used not having a celebration to my advantage a few months later. In January, I asked my parents for a belated gift. "Hey, mom, dad...since I missed my birthday party you said I could do something fun right? Well, I wanna go to Orlando to see the Backstreet Boys at the House of Blues!...." I thought for sure it was never going to happen. But sure enough, my parents (who were also looking at life as a "take it now" opportunity with Grandmas cancer), said I could go! They would get the tickets. Dad would drive me down. I called Kim and we squealed together at the thought of seeing BSB LIVE!
It was February 1998. Kim and I were in Orlando by early afternoon. We had no clue about general admission shows. We had no clue about the size of the House of Blues (several years and countless shows later, I feel like I could walk blindly through it). We were concerned with two things: turning the Virgin Megastore restroom into our changing room and finding the American single of "I Want You Back" by 'NSYNC. At the heart of it all, (regardless of the fact that I knew of BSB long before 'NSYNC was even a thought) we were/are 'NSYNC girls because MMC is what brought us together as friends. I already had all the European 'NSYNC singles and the cd (both my listening copy and my autographed copy from Mama Phyllis). So we got our American singles tucked away in our cool messenger bags, changed into what I now think was a slightly inappropriate outfit for a 15 year old, did our hair and I sprayed on the "tommy girl". Off we went to wait in line with the masses...
...but soon I would learn that waiting in line just wasn't my thing. I'd also learn that the concert gods would love me for all my teen years and a little beyond.
While standing in line I saw my aunt and her new husband walking up to the venue. They were DJing the in between sets for the show. They had my dad help them load into the venue and 5 minutes later he walked out to get me. I immediately sent him back out for Kim. There we were: two teenage girls standing in the venue way ahead of anyone else. My eyes widened when Kevin walked down but he headed straight for a little girl in a wheelchair (as well he should!). Then AJ showed his face. And ooh... was that a face! So he said goodbye to the little girl and bee-lined to Kim and me. We smiled our smiles and talked to AJ McLEAN! AJ asked me how to spell my name about 4 times. Kim laughed at how easily distracted he was while we talked. I asked him where we could stand and he goes "Baby, you're already in. You're front row...or wherever you want to be..." I don't know what melted my 15 year old heart more "Baby" or "Front Row". As much as I was drowning (hehehe) in AJ's flirtiness, I wanted to find the blond one. I wanted Nick Carter face time.
Cameras were NOT allowed in the venue but that didn't stop my aunt and dad from trying to get hers to work fast enough. It didn't. However, my aunt's husband did manage to get me some highly guarded video from that night. No, it's not on Youtube. Yes, it its amazing quality.
AJ must be brave because he asked a 15 year old girl who her favorite BSB was (and honestly, WHO DOES THAT?!?) I answered honestly anyway. "Nick". He smirked and said "I shoulda known...its always Nick!". We talked more and he hugged us multiple times. Then he told me to stay right there because he was bringing me a surprise. Sure enough, as soon as Nick and Brian's heads peeped around the stage curtain, the doors to HOB were opened and they had to quick turn and revert to safety. I dropped all my stuff (including my AJ McLean personalized autograph) at my dad and ran to the front row.
Girls started asking me what time I got there because they had been there since early that morning and did not meet me yet. When I said "6:30pm" they were pissed. When they saw the All Access pass on my jeans, they were more pissed. The concert was amazing. I saw LFO for the first time. For 4 years following that, I would see LFO at least once per birthday celebration without fail and without trying. BSB came out, performed and Nick kneeled right in front of me to sing "I'll Never Break Your Heart". Years later when he sang "Heaven" at a Aaron Carter concert to me (another story for another day, thanks to the concert gods), I would immediately revert to being 15 and thinking he was the dreamiest of dream boys alive.
After that show I was on cloud 82. Cloud 9 was a long gone rest stop as far as I was concerned. The only thing that exceeded that feeling was a few weeks later when both BSB and 'NSYNC performed at Orlando Bands Together.
To this day I have that access pass, the autographed picture, a million memories and the tape of Nick Carter grinding during "Hey Mr DJ". It almost feels pedofile-ish to watch that now. He was just 17. LOL
So I got to the register and the lady at Target told me to have a good day. Oh, little did she know, I've had good days. I've had amazing days. I've had days people can't even dream about in my life. I smiled back and ripped the cellophane off my new BSB cd knowing that it would be another year, another good day. The Universe can make me older, give me responsibility, hound me with mortgages, electric bills, credit checks, broken promises, bad relationships, lost friendships, and a lot of other unpleasant things. But it can't take away those teenage years. It can't make me un-live the amazing days I've had full of friendships, carelessness and great music. It can't stop the days I know are yet to come and be even greater.
Today, the eve of my 26th birthday, is the one year anniversary of UNBREAKABLE. Though I was dreading being in the last year of my "mid-20s", I can't help but look back over the past quarter century and see more bright days than dull ones. Yes, I've had some hard days and worse nights. But the soundtrack is amazing.
This very day, a year ago, I was on the eve of my birthday. I had just liberated myself by leaving a job I hated. I decided even though I was unemployed in what was looking to be a downward spiral of an economy, that I would make the best of my birthday. Since everyone I knew was at work/school, I had to hang out by myself. I found myself driving through my hometown and listening to New Found Glory's COMING HOME cd. All the while I was wondering how I got to be 25 years old when the last thing I remembered was being 15 and carefree.
As I drove through the city, I started to see the beauty of it reflect back on me. I thought about all those teenage days when I wanted nothing more than to leave this "small town" and break out to the world. I wanted to write for the masses. I wanted to dance at any chance. I wanted to stand in the crowd at pop concerts and scream lyrics out that made me feel alive. As I reached my 20's, I started to realize that life could be much worse than living in Jacksonville, FL. We are, after all, home to some amazing musicians. I saw Yellowcard before all the member changes. I saw Red Jumpsuit Apparatus before all the member changes. I saw Shadow Agency before all the...wtf, dude. Can Jax bands have one line up and stick with it?! (LOL) I grew up knowing that Freebird was down the road and that I could talk to a member of Southern Rock Royalty at any given show. Jacksonville is home. Florida is home. Music is home.
So as I drove around thinking of all I had become and more of what I had not. I reflected on a quarter century of experience. What made it through the storm and what (and whom) was just a distant memory filled my thoughts.
I remembered climbing into my dad's car on countless days as he headed straight to Orlando for me to see another show. I remembered the first time I drove to Orlando by myself and how it was for completely different bands than those prior years. All the concerts and events in all the years and the friends who stood by me for every show or for just one show flashed in sequence.
The night before this trip down memory lane, an ad caught my eye online. It seemed the Backstreet Boys were releasing a cd: October 30th, 2007. I thought my mind was playing tricks on me or that somehow they had a second greatest hits coming out. I kept up with the Boys until NEVER GONE. When they took a break from that cd and later announced that Kevin was gone, I assumed it would be awhile until anything BSB was released. That's what you get for assuming.
Being as it was MY birthday eve, I drove to the nearest Target to pick up the latest BSB CD. As I held it in my hands, I couldn't help the flashbacks. There was 12 year old me, sitting in my mom's van as we drove around to look for book covers for my 7th grade books. These 5 young male voices came on the radio and said they were the Backstreet Boys from Orlando, Florida. They did an interview with the dj and sang a cappella. It was 1994. A few months earlier, I saw a tiny little picture of them in one of my teen magazines. I thought the younger one was cute, but he was no Justin Timberlake (my MMC crush).
From there I flashed to the day I found out about 'NSYNC and thought "Oh, GOD! They will be in direct competition with BSB!" BSB were still unknown in the States but they were huge in Canada and Europe. 'NSYNC was unknown everywhere. Then came the release of "Quit Playing Games With My Heart". My friends all told me there was NO WAY I had known about BSB for that long, but mom remembers having to go in Barnes and Noble and get my book covers by herself because I refused to get out of that car during that interview. At 12, I was way ahead of the average teenybopper.
As I walked to the register holding a CD that missed Kevin's photo, I flashed back again. This time to a 15 year old me. A young girl who was coping as best she could with the news that her grandmother had cancer. A few months before, on my actual birthday, I didn't have a big party or really any type of celebration for the first time in my life. I couldn't celebrate while my grandmother was in the hospital having having her gull bladder removed. My dad was trying to keep the three of us kids under control. I was complaining about no one caring that I was old enough to have a permit while my brother and sister were worried about Halloween candy at the mall. I used not having a celebration to my advantage a few months later. In January, I asked my parents for a belated gift. "Hey, mom, dad...since I missed my birthday party you said I could do something fun right? Well, I wanna go to Orlando to see the Backstreet Boys at the House of Blues!...." I thought for sure it was never going to happen. But sure enough, my parents (who were also looking at life as a "take it now" opportunity with Grandmas cancer), said I could go! They would get the tickets. Dad would drive me down. I called Kim and we squealed together at the thought of seeing BSB LIVE!
It was February 1998. Kim and I were in Orlando by early afternoon. We had no clue about general admission shows. We had no clue about the size of the House of Blues (several years and countless shows later, I feel like I could walk blindly through it). We were concerned with two things: turning the Virgin Megastore restroom into our changing room and finding the American single of "I Want You Back" by 'NSYNC. At the heart of it all, (regardless of the fact that I knew of BSB long before 'NSYNC was even a thought) we were/are 'NSYNC girls because MMC is what brought us together as friends. I already had all the European 'NSYNC singles and the cd (both my listening copy and my autographed copy from Mama Phyllis). So we got our American singles tucked away in our cool messenger bags, changed into what I now think was a slightly inappropriate outfit for a 15 year old, did our hair and I sprayed on the "tommy girl". Off we went to wait in line with the masses...
...but soon I would learn that waiting in line just wasn't my thing. I'd also learn that the concert gods would love me for all my teen years and a little beyond.
While standing in line I saw my aunt and her new husband walking up to the venue. They were DJing the in between sets for the show. They had my dad help them load into the venue and 5 minutes later he walked out to get me. I immediately sent him back out for Kim. There we were: two teenage girls standing in the venue way ahead of anyone else. My eyes widened when Kevin walked down but he headed straight for a little girl in a wheelchair (as well he should!). Then AJ showed his face. And ooh... was that a face! So he said goodbye to the little girl and bee-lined to Kim and me. We smiled our smiles and talked to AJ McLEAN! AJ asked me how to spell my name about 4 times. Kim laughed at how easily distracted he was while we talked. I asked him where we could stand and he goes "Baby, you're already in. You're front row...or wherever you want to be..." I don't know what melted my 15 year old heart more "Baby" or "Front Row". As much as I was drowning (hehehe) in AJ's flirtiness, I wanted to find the blond one. I wanted Nick Carter face time.
Cameras were NOT allowed in the venue but that didn't stop my aunt and dad from trying to get hers to work fast enough. It didn't. However, my aunt's husband did manage to get me some highly guarded video from that night. No, it's not on Youtube. Yes, it its amazing quality.
AJ must be brave because he asked a 15 year old girl who her favorite BSB was (and honestly, WHO DOES THAT?!?) I answered honestly anyway. "Nick". He smirked and said "I shoulda known...its always Nick!". We talked more and he hugged us multiple times. Then he told me to stay right there because he was bringing me a surprise. Sure enough, as soon as Nick and Brian's heads peeped around the stage curtain, the doors to HOB were opened and they had to quick turn and revert to safety. I dropped all my stuff (including my AJ McLean personalized autograph) at my dad and ran to the front row.
Girls started asking me what time I got there because they had been there since early that morning and did not meet me yet. When I said "6:30pm" they were pissed. When they saw the All Access pass on my jeans, they were more pissed. The concert was amazing. I saw LFO for the first time. For 4 years following that, I would see LFO at least once per birthday celebration without fail and without trying. BSB came out, performed and Nick kneeled right in front of me to sing "I'll Never Break Your Heart". Years later when he sang "Heaven" at a Aaron Carter concert to me (another story for another day, thanks to the concert gods), I would immediately revert to being 15 and thinking he was the dreamiest of dream boys alive.
After that show I was on cloud 82. Cloud 9 was a long gone rest stop as far as I was concerned. The only thing that exceeded that feeling was a few weeks later when both BSB and 'NSYNC performed at Orlando Bands Together.
To this day I have that access pass, the autographed picture, a million memories and the tape of Nick Carter grinding during "Hey Mr DJ". It almost feels pedofile-ish to watch that now. He was just 17. LOL
So I got to the register and the lady at Target told me to have a good day. Oh, little did she know, I've had good days. I've had amazing days. I've had days people can't even dream about in my life. I smiled back and ripped the cellophane off my new BSB cd knowing that it would be another year, another good day. The Universe can make me older, give me responsibility, hound me with mortgages, electric bills, credit checks, broken promises, bad relationships, lost friendships, and a lot of other unpleasant things. But it can't take away those teenage years. It can't make me un-live the amazing days I've had full of friendships, carelessness and great music. It can't stop the days I know are yet to come and be even greater.
Today, the eve of my 26th birthday, is the one year anniversary of UNBREAKABLE. Though I was dreading being in the last year of my "mid-20s", I can't help but look back over the past quarter century and see more bright days than dull ones. Yes, I've had some hard days and worse nights. But the soundtrack is amazing.