Hello my old friend...
Hello el-jay world, I feel I don't take enough advantage of you so here we go:
The baby. Everyone and their mother has been asking me about Devin and he's doing great. As of last week he now weighs 7 lbs and grew an inch. His appetite is forever increasing! lol He's been a joy and its nice to finally have a little (foster) brother that will hopefully become a part of the family in the near future. He's as cute as a button and nothing but precious. The family just has a glow about us lately haha I do have one small conplaint though: Lately it seems like people have been asking me more about him than the usual, "Hey. how are you?" It's now something like, "Hi!....Hey how's the baby doing???" I'm not knockin' the little guy at ALL, so don't take it that way. You have to understand my point of view. I'm 21 and forever an only child untl BAM! We get a phone call not even a week after my parents got their foster license and POOF! Devin came home at 2 days old! So its been slightly overwhelming of an experience (on a positive note I mean) so when I sometimes need to breathe, like we all do when babies come into our lives......its nice to not have him as every starting topic of conversation during different social situations. Phew, ok I'm done talking about that lol
I've been at a small loss with who my real friends are and just how we have all changed since we are quickly growing up. SCHS' class of 2009 graduated last night and I was on campus for my mid-term and just reflected back that 3 years ago I walked across that stage just like David S., David C., Alex R. and Peggy H. did last night. Makes me proud, makes me feel old lol I would re-live a lot of the moments I experienced in high school in a heartbeat just because many were such rewarding ones. Chamber Choir especially. A lot of you would probably agree. And yes Amanda, I'll bug Ulrich in a minute about Alumni Choir, ha. Anyways, my point is, my friends and I have changed, have gone through the good, the great, the bad and the worst but we are all still here, whether we aren't as close or we've come to this newfound bonding for eachother. I can accept if I'm not someone's "best friend" anymore, I'm sure I sorta kinda deserve it. I've been a shitty person to some people in my life and mostly to myself. I'm still growing and changing, but lately its been really fast. Ever since everything with Dan ended my outlook on life has changed. I'm finally thinking about myself and how I'm glad I'm finally "back". Better than ever you could say. I'm not sure lol. I know my mom has taken my new outlook and ambition as sort of a selfish attitude, but hey, for being a person who wants everyone to be happy and ends up taking shitty care of myself in the end, this is something I'm not used to and want to figure it out. I'm probably coming off as selfish. Probably coming off as a bitch. Things I'm normally not. I'm sorry, just trying to work out the bugs and accept that not everyone can be happy with me or eachother sometimes. Thats life and I'm ok with knowing that...
Yesterday. LOL.....sorry Shonda. I'll see you tonight and we can talk. I hope things are going to be okay with you and AGAIN know that when Ian and I had to leave we just didn't want to interrupt you two, we understand and NO HARD FEELINGS ;) I love you girl <333
Ian. For those who have heard the full, long-ass story about what happened last week. Know that I'm doing just fine. I swear. That day I realized how brave I was. It was almost empowering. Sure, I was in tears because it was a BIG misunderstanding of the situation and Shelley blew everything wayyyy out of fucking proportion, but......I am ok. I went to class right after. I went to karaoke after that. Ever since I've just been thinking about Ian and hoping he was ok. Fortunately he got back home 2-3 days later, grabbed his shit and moved into his twin brother's and his girlfriend's house. In pontiac. But hey the drive isn't the issue. And I may still be a bit unsure that the living situation is the most appropriate for him because of their lifestyle choices. But I trust Ian won't fall under his brother's "bad influence", however you want to describe it. I'm getting over it. Ian doesn't need any psychiatric help, his doctor evaluated him and told him himself. THANK GOD. I guess both him and I are trying to make a point here. His mental health and past are a part of him but do NOT define him. I will never judge him on any of it, I just look out for his best interest. He has goals and ambition (most days lol). He's not a deadbeat. I would've walked away from everything a longgggggggg time ago if I didn't have some sort of hope, faith and trust that I hold for Ian now, that I've held since I met him. I'm not giving up on him. Not because of my strong feelings for him. I'm not with him to make myself feel better about myself. I don't have a boyfriend just to make me happy. I'm happy with myself no matter what is thrown into my life. He sounds like a pretty big ball to be dribbled around the court, but this is defintely a game I'm down competing for. Stupid metaphor, but it makes sense to me. He's a person I could actually fight for and he would do the same in return. If down the road it gets a bit rocky, fine then. I'll deal with it when it happens. Until then, its not in the back of my mind. I'm not always going to be paranoid about the next time he may possibly "go over the edge". Thats fucking stupid! I'm not that kind of person. I'm defintely not going to be that kind of girlfriend to him either. Ok I'm done.
School. Almost done! I shouldn't have skipped classed but oh well. Last time I'm doing it this semester anyways so just chill. And its the 2nd time too. In the same damn class lol I haven't skipped COM 115 only because a) its more interesting. More intense BUT wayyy more interesting! and b) Missing a day would affect me more than missing logic. Logic is a math credit for me but I got a 51/60 on my first exam and have done all my homework. Well, minus 2 assignments for the classes I skipped but I think theres a way to make up for that? Idk. Its okay with me, and staying out wayyy late the past 3 nights isn't helping. But I'm over it. I've been cleaning the house today and plan on doing more when I get back home. I work SAC at 3:45 today so I can only do so much before work, especially if I plan on taking a shower. Again that may wait til after SAC. Sigh.
Money. It sucks. Paying portions of my check to my car every payday has been dreadful. I also have to pay my phone bill. So $110 give or take is GONE and then whatever I have left over is probably going to just be gas money. I couldn't get paid for my day of last week. Thats 4 hours I lost. Which means my check may be just under $200. And after not getting hired to summer camp this year I've been awaiting a word from Michigan Works! to get my assigned a job for the summer. I need to get to work as soon as June 18th get's here basically. My end of the school year paycheck is going to be short too sooooooo yeah. Need a job, if they went through this process with me about filling out paperwork, having me take a comprehension exam, telling me they will have my paperwork processed and in review last week and its not the third day into the week.....will somebody pleasssse call me soon to place me somewhere? I'm ready to find a new job altogether and just leave SAC. FML.
This is about all thats been in my head. Yep, this all pretty much sums it up.
Phew.
The baby. Everyone and their mother has been asking me about Devin and he's doing great. As of last week he now weighs 7 lbs and grew an inch. His appetite is forever increasing! lol He's been a joy and its nice to finally have a little (foster) brother that will hopefully become a part of the family in the near future. He's as cute as a button and nothing but precious. The family just has a glow about us lately haha I do have one small conplaint though: Lately it seems like people have been asking me more about him than the usual, "Hey. how are you?" It's now something like, "Hi!....Hey how's the baby doing???" I'm not knockin' the little guy at ALL, so don't take it that way. You have to understand my point of view. I'm 21 and forever an only child untl BAM! We get a phone call not even a week after my parents got their foster license and POOF! Devin came home at 2 days old! So its been slightly overwhelming of an experience (on a positive note I mean) so when I sometimes need to breathe, like we all do when babies come into our lives......its nice to not have him as every starting topic of conversation during different social situations. Phew, ok I'm done talking about that lol
I've been at a small loss with who my real friends are and just how we have all changed since we are quickly growing up. SCHS' class of 2009 graduated last night and I was on campus for my mid-term and just reflected back that 3 years ago I walked across that stage just like David S., David C., Alex R. and Peggy H. did last night. Makes me proud, makes me feel old lol I would re-live a lot of the moments I experienced in high school in a heartbeat just because many were such rewarding ones. Chamber Choir especially. A lot of you would probably agree. And yes Amanda, I'll bug Ulrich in a minute about Alumni Choir, ha. Anyways, my point is, my friends and I have changed, have gone through the good, the great, the bad and the worst but we are all still here, whether we aren't as close or we've come to this newfound bonding for eachother. I can accept if I'm not someone's "best friend" anymore, I'm sure I sorta kinda deserve it. I've been a shitty person to some people in my life and mostly to myself. I'm still growing and changing, but lately its been really fast. Ever since everything with Dan ended my outlook on life has changed. I'm finally thinking about myself and how I'm glad I'm finally "back". Better than ever you could say. I'm not sure lol. I know my mom has taken my new outlook and ambition as sort of a selfish attitude, but hey, for being a person who wants everyone to be happy and ends up taking shitty care of myself in the end, this is something I'm not used to and want to figure it out. I'm probably coming off as selfish. Probably coming off as a bitch. Things I'm normally not. I'm sorry, just trying to work out the bugs and accept that not everyone can be happy with me or eachother sometimes. Thats life and I'm ok with knowing that...
Yesterday. LOL.....sorry Shonda. I'll see you tonight and we can talk. I hope things are going to be okay with you and AGAIN know that when Ian and I had to leave we just didn't want to interrupt you two, we understand and NO HARD FEELINGS ;) I love you girl <333
Ian. For those who have heard the full, long-ass story about what happened last week. Know that I'm doing just fine. I swear. That day I realized how brave I was. It was almost empowering. Sure, I was in tears because it was a BIG misunderstanding of the situation and Shelley blew everything wayyyy out of fucking proportion, but......I am ok. I went to class right after. I went to karaoke after that. Ever since I've just been thinking about Ian and hoping he was ok. Fortunately he got back home 2-3 days later, grabbed his shit and moved into his twin brother's and his girlfriend's house. In pontiac. But hey the drive isn't the issue. And I may still be a bit unsure that the living situation is the most appropriate for him because of their lifestyle choices. But I trust Ian won't fall under his brother's "bad influence", however you want to describe it. I'm getting over it. Ian doesn't need any psychiatric help, his doctor evaluated him and told him himself. THANK GOD. I guess both him and I are trying to make a point here. His mental health and past are a part of him but do NOT define him. I will never judge him on any of it, I just look out for his best interest. He has goals and ambition (most days lol). He's not a deadbeat. I would've walked away from everything a longgggggggg time ago if I didn't have some sort of hope, faith and trust that I hold for Ian now, that I've held since I met him. I'm not giving up on him. Not because of my strong feelings for him. I'm not with him to make myself feel better about myself. I don't have a boyfriend just to make me happy. I'm happy with myself no matter what is thrown into my life. He sounds like a pretty big ball to be dribbled around the court, but this is defintely a game I'm down competing for. Stupid metaphor, but it makes sense to me. He's a person I could actually fight for and he would do the same in return. If down the road it gets a bit rocky, fine then. I'll deal with it when it happens. Until then, its not in the back of my mind. I'm not always going to be paranoid about the next time he may possibly "go over the edge". Thats fucking stupid! I'm not that kind of person. I'm defintely not going to be that kind of girlfriend to him either. Ok I'm done.
School. Almost done! I shouldn't have skipped classed but oh well. Last time I'm doing it this semester anyways so just chill. And its the 2nd time too. In the same damn class lol I haven't skipped COM 115 only because a) its more interesting. More intense BUT wayyy more interesting! and b) Missing a day would affect me more than missing logic. Logic is a math credit for me but I got a 51/60 on my first exam and have done all my homework. Well, minus 2 assignments for the classes I skipped but I think theres a way to make up for that? Idk. Its okay with me, and staying out wayyy late the past 3 nights isn't helping. But I'm over it. I've been cleaning the house today and plan on doing more when I get back home. I work SAC at 3:45 today so I can only do so much before work, especially if I plan on taking a shower. Again that may wait til after SAC. Sigh.
Money. It sucks. Paying portions of my check to my car every payday has been dreadful. I also have to pay my phone bill. So $110 give or take is GONE and then whatever I have left over is probably going to just be gas money. I couldn't get paid for my day of last week. Thats 4 hours I lost. Which means my check may be just under $200. And after not getting hired to summer camp this year I've been awaiting a word from Michigan Works! to get my assigned a job for the summer. I need to get to work as soon as June 18th get's here basically. My end of the school year paycheck is going to be short too sooooooo yeah. Need a job, if they went through this process with me about filling out paperwork, having me take a comprehension exam, telling me they will have my paperwork processed and in review last week and its not the third day into the week.....will somebody pleasssse call me soon to place me somewhere? I'm ready to find a new job altogether and just leave SAC. FML.
This is about all thats been in my head. Yep, this all pretty much sums it up.
Phew.