to the skipper on her birthday
happy birthday emily! you're all of 18 now and all growed up. enjoy your youth, because you're inching that much closer to death with each passing day... but what do i get for a girl with hip interests, a nudist personality and a worldbeat lifestyle? well that's exactly what i asked perfectgift.com and they gave me some extremely helpful gift ideas. so emily, your perfect birthday present is one or all of the following selections:
1) a membership to 'panty of the month club'. that's what i got you last year, so no.
2) a Lunar Landing big stunt car. it's actually a real little car you can drive around in like a psycho. i don't know why it's 'lunar landing' though, it doesn't leave the ground except when stunting.
3) gourmet stuffed quail. that's right, real frozen tiny naked bird meat. how could anyone not want that on their birthday? it just screams nudist.
4) mona lisa giggling pillow. again, you've already got the shell busey giggling pillow so it's just overkill.
5) a krishna lunch box.
6) lobster and shrimp gift basket. again with the weird food as a birthday present. but apparently it's what you wanted...
7) a silver plated fortune cookie. gold plated useless crap might be a little over the top.
8) finally, a Barry White 'Love never dies' t-shirt. ooooooh yeahhhhhh.
i think the *perfect* gift would be a mix of these secretly desired presents, like a stuffed quail pillow that sings barry white. thanks internet, you've really shined my star.
for some reason every night i sleep less and less, and now it's down to 3 hours. noooo, my dentist put a hex on me for neglecting my cleanings. or maybe the vet cursed me for not updating lou's shots, or it could be the city of maple ridge for not renewing his dog licence yet. or maybe ICBC for not bringing in my car to fix their mistake. i've really gotten behind on a lot of things... just keep rolling those pennies! i found some irish money yesterday in a big score. what the hell's a punt worth? apparently nothing outside of southern ireland. if they ever make War and Peace into a movie i'll be so mad.
1) a membership to 'panty of the month club'. that's what i got you last year, so no.
2) a Lunar Landing big stunt car. it's actually a real little car you can drive around in like a psycho. i don't know why it's 'lunar landing' though, it doesn't leave the ground except when stunting.
3) gourmet stuffed quail. that's right, real frozen tiny naked bird meat. how could anyone not want that on their birthday? it just screams nudist.
4) mona lisa giggling pillow. again, you've already got the shell busey giggling pillow so it's just overkill.
5) a krishna lunch box.
6) lobster and shrimp gift basket. again with the weird food as a birthday present. but apparently it's what you wanted...
7) a silver plated fortune cookie. gold plated useless crap might be a little over the top.
8) finally, a Barry White 'Love never dies' t-shirt. ooooooh yeahhhhhh.
i think the *perfect* gift would be a mix of these secretly desired presents, like a stuffed quail pillow that sings barry white. thanks internet, you've really shined my star.
for some reason every night i sleep less and less, and now it's down to 3 hours. noooo, my dentist put a hex on me for neglecting my cleanings. or maybe the vet cursed me for not updating lou's shots, or it could be the city of maple ridge for not renewing his dog licence yet. or maybe ICBC for not bringing in my car to fix their mistake. i've really gotten behind on a lot of things... just keep rolling those pennies! i found some irish money yesterday in a big score. what the hell's a punt worth? apparently nothing outside of southern ireland. if they ever make War and Peace into a movie i'll be so mad.