Back Again.
Going back to Los Angeles was like taking a long flight back to the past. Los Angeles... California... the US... they weren't part my life anymore. My life was elsewhere these days. And I liked it that way. I never really thought I'd be coming back here so soon. In fact, I never thought about coming back at all other than to just visit, as any
( Read more... )
For the second time in my life, I looked at her with shock and awe. The first time was back in Sunnydale when I realized that she wasn't the bot on those stairs, and now, an unexpected visit from a slayer who wasn't a sack of hammers, who I happened to love. There was a lot of morphine in my system to make the resewing on of my digits go away but there was nothing on this Earth that wouldn't make me feel when Buffy was around.
I fumbled for words and my mouth formed the pose of ready to say something, but her finger on my lips was better then me saying something bloody stupid or obvious as my brain tried to catch up with he situation.
"No... don't. Don't say anything yet."
I embraced her touch and looked her in the eyes. If breaths were taken by yours truly, then I would have been hyperventilating, or something like that.
"Thank you for what you did... back in Sunnydale."
That was my lead in, and started to tell her that I would do it again and again, but her sweet voice beat me to it again.
"No let me finish. Just-"
I smiled at her, savoring her smell, savoring everything about her.
"When Andrew called me to tell me you were alive, I almost didn't believe him. And a part of me wanted to just leave things as they were, you know? Just leave Sunnydale and all of its memories behind. But I couldn’t do that. I couldn't just sit back and not come here to see you for myself. See you alive... or, erm... well, not so dead."
I was touched and once more, without words. Facial expressions said a lot and I was pretty sure that mine told her that I was touched.
"And what I said to you back in the hellmouth... I wasn't lying you know. I really did mean it."
Back then, I wouldn't have believed it. I was used to be kicked when I was up and kicked when I was down, especially by her, but once more, words were at a minimum, which was to say that I had no words again. Emotions choked me, and they were the good kind. The bleeding pessimist in me was searching for a reason why she would repeat that she loved me now. Back then, yeah, she knew that I was going to burst into flames, but now, I was here and made flesh, and still, she said it.
"You...You did mean it?"
A bandaged hand went to her hair and though I couldn't feel anything in my hand, to caress her, to touch her, to do anything with or around her was better then anything lse in the world. My depression over the Dana sack of hammers being so monsterish and my hands being sliced and diced was completely gone. The world was right again.
"I tried to go see you in Rome too. I just couldn't leave. The whole ghost of the abyss thing when I ame out of the amulet and when my body was made whole again, I didn't have the stones. I had died to save the world, to save you, and I just couldn't believe that I could top that and the memory of saving you kept me going without seeing you."
Reply
I nodded and gave him a soft smile. I had meant every word, he had done so much for me, for Dawn, for the whole world. How could I pretend I didn't care about all that?
I held his hand as he reached out to caress my hair. He was truly real. I didn't want to believe Andrew when he told me Spike was alive. It had been a little too much to take at that the time. But now, his cool hand on mine, things seemed more real than they ever were.
"I tried to go see you in Rome too. I just couldn't leave. The whole ghost of the abyss thing when I came out of the amulet and when my body was made whole again, I didn't have the stones. I had died to save the world, to save you, and I just couldn't believe that I could top that and the memory of saving you kept me going without seeing you."
I gave him a smile. I thought about Dawn... she was gonna be so happy to know that Spike was really alive. He wouldn't even recognize her now. She had truly become a little young woman with strengths of her own.
What I felt for Spike was strong, he had always been there for me, even when he was evil, and he had been there. I think it was about time for me to be there for him. It was the reason I had come here, after all. And as much as I loved Angel, I also loved Spike too. I knew that Angel and I were on very different paths now. I would always be there for him, always, he was my first- well, everything, but he and I were never really meant to be together, the childhood crush I felt for him was done and over now and it was time to move on.
"I still can't believe you're here." I said to him. "I mean, maybe I should have seen it coming, in this crazy world one of us is always coming back to life. I guess it was your turn this time around- all heroes deserve a second chance at life."
And that's what he was now... a true hero. The hero that came through in the end for the sake of all of us.
Reply
Leave a comment