the handler
today was/still is a rainy day, but not the rainiest. as i mentioned earlier, the hiring of me full time went another step further today. i had what was by far my best interview ever and also went to take the urine test, which is always a good time.
after getting done at work with the interview and filling out some paperwork, i went to a seperate building, some doctors office, to piss in the plastic bottle with a blue line that reads "do not fill past this line". im always tempted to fill it to the brim with it forming a meniscus (shouts go out to high school science classes) as i walk out of the bathroom very slowly, trying to balance it as if i was on some sort of highwire, lidless and all as Jesus and the keys to Heaven's gate stand below.
my belongings sat in a locker next to me, locked up like ted kaczynski. i was so tempted to say.. "can i keep this zip-lock bag of piss in my pocket that ive carried around all day?".
this is one job that amazes me, the handler. you know he cant be a very pleasant individual. visuals of him discussing his day around the dinner table are probably enough to steer anyone towards picking cotton or spending their evenings studying to become a proctologist. this is what i thought about as he put his little meter thing into the jar, one which checks my specimen for all the pot from years ago that i somehow pissed out over the past 11 months since my last dance with the sticky icky.
i was in a fairly good mood, which is something to say considering me and another grown man are examining my waste. i go into this little explanation about my recent dropping of a hydrocodone, and whether or not this would be a problem. he looks up at me, seemingly irritated that i broke his concentration and says "if anything comes up here, we'll send it to our special lab downtown for further analysis". from staring at piss all day, he sounded pretty brainy. hopefully the fed ex guy doesnt drop those sort of packages too hard in the truck as he jumps at possibly getting caught looking at overnighted porn he magically stumbled upon.
"you're good to go". so i assume it wasn't a problem afterall. it wasn't on their "checklist of illegal drugs", but i just wanted to make sure i stated my case. i went outside to handle the rain. i have an official orientation next thursday, and will also have a $1.10 raise plus a whole mess of other stuff to go along with it, that is.. if they dont detect the heroin i mainlined last night.
after getting done at work with the interview and filling out some paperwork, i went to a seperate building, some doctors office, to piss in the plastic bottle with a blue line that reads "do not fill past this line". im always tempted to fill it to the brim with it forming a meniscus (shouts go out to high school science classes) as i walk out of the bathroom very slowly, trying to balance it as if i was on some sort of highwire, lidless and all as Jesus and the keys to Heaven's gate stand below.
my belongings sat in a locker next to me, locked up like ted kaczynski. i was so tempted to say.. "can i keep this zip-lock bag of piss in my pocket that ive carried around all day?".
this is one job that amazes me, the handler. you know he cant be a very pleasant individual. visuals of him discussing his day around the dinner table are probably enough to steer anyone towards picking cotton or spending their evenings studying to become a proctologist. this is what i thought about as he put his little meter thing into the jar, one which checks my specimen for all the pot from years ago that i somehow pissed out over the past 11 months since my last dance with the sticky icky.
i was in a fairly good mood, which is something to say considering me and another grown man are examining my waste. i go into this little explanation about my recent dropping of a hydrocodone, and whether or not this would be a problem. he looks up at me, seemingly irritated that i broke his concentration and says "if anything comes up here, we'll send it to our special lab downtown for further analysis". from staring at piss all day, he sounded pretty brainy. hopefully the fed ex guy doesnt drop those sort of packages too hard in the truck as he jumps at possibly getting caught looking at overnighted porn he magically stumbled upon.
"you're good to go". so i assume it wasn't a problem afterall. it wasn't on their "checklist of illegal drugs", but i just wanted to make sure i stated my case. i went outside to handle the rain. i have an official orientation next thursday, and will also have a $1.10 raise plus a whole mess of other stuff to go along with it, that is.. if they dont detect the heroin i mainlined last night.