(no subject)
you know after you hear that tradgic story about some tormented teen in dallas, texas & you sit there & you think to yourself "that could nevver happen to me" ? yeah, well, i just wish that worked in every situation for every person.....
so this is my journal, & im going to use it like i always have; as an electronic ventilating system for me.....only suddenly that makes my ventilating system able to be shared w/ others, considering the fact youre sitting here right now reading it; its certainly not private.....so i guess ive decided to express my feelings about a certain issue ive been struggling w/ for almost a year now....itll die away at times but then it comes back & bites me in the ass; harder everytime....& im finding it harder & harder to cope w/ due to the fact that the situation is now feeling like it could get so out of hand it may endager someones life, & its definitely altaring other peoples lives to say the least.....there are a couple people who know of this issue & im thankful for every single one of you because youve listened to me complain or cry or whine about it for the past 9 months & not yet has one of them told me to shut the hell up or refused to listen...i love you for it, guys; i couldnt thank you enough....& if someone realizes what im talking about through this entry, thats great, good job deciphering me, & its my hope that youve never experienced the same thing because i know its hard & if you have, now you have one more person to talk about it w/ :)
but what do you say to someone thats cut you deeper than you ever thought possible? someone so close to you, you were sure that any wound they inflicted upon you was healed within hours, a day or two at the most......but i guess when people you care about hurt you, the pain aches more than if an enemy stabbed you in the back....worst part about it is, this person didnt mean to hurt me, but the person did hurt someone else i love & now wont take the blame for their mistake....& i hhhhhhhaaaaaattte it!!! it drives me insane!!! me & my other loved ones suffer while this person gets away w/ blaming everyone else for the reason why were in pain besides themself!!! & to add to it, this person may seriously have a depression issue...because this person has never learned how to express their emotions so they bottle them up & theyre eating this person away...& its changing them & certainly not in a good way
so now im stuck w/ not knowing what to do because ive gotten to this point where i dont want to forgive this person or be anywhere near them...& i dont need this person to survive anymore!! i dont, im done; ive learned enough & i guess this is the end of the life lesson this person was suppose to be teaching me because this person is upset w/ me because ive figured them out, but at the same time "loves" me regardless.....but now this person has another part of life to deal w/ & leaving less time for me & other people that SHOULD mean something to this person but apparantly dont mean enough so ill make sure to leave less time for them...whatever, i confuse myself w/ "this person" shit more than i help myself by venting & im sure youre even more lost since you dont even know what the hell im talking about, lol....okay, well, can i just ask you to pray for people who bottle emotions & dont express emotions well or feel comfortable turning to someone? because this cousin thing....i shook me pretty hard & i truly dont feel like i could handle another one...& right now i know a few people who need to talk more w/ the people that care about them....if they dont it only builds up & then......things happen that dont solve anything & do nothing but put more heartache in peoples lives
p.s.- & in laguna news: I HATE JASON W/ ALL OF MY HEART & SOUL!!! STOP PLAYING W/ JESSICA; THE POOR THING STILL LOVES YOU & YOU PLAY HER LIKE A GAME OF CHECKERS!! SO EFFIN STRATEGICALLY & ALWAYS LOOKING FOR WAYS TO SCORE ON NOT JUST HER, BUT OTHER GIRLS AS WELL!!! STOP BEING SUCH A MAN WHORE, YOU MAN WHORE!!! AHHHHHHH!
lol, sorry 'bout that 0:)
& by the way, GOBLET OF FIRE COMES OUT FRIDAY & YOU KNOW WHOS PSYCHED, BIOTCHES!! YEAH, THATS RIGHT!!! WAHOOOOOOOOOO