Why do I want to cry when I also want to smile with happiness?

Apr 07, 2005 10:05

My b-day was y-day...ha ha ha...
Yeah, 15 and I haven't yet studied for my Permit and I don't feel any different.
I didn't know how it would be, turning 15, or just a year older for that matter.
I didn't know..but now I do and I'm kind of disappointed.
People make turning 15 sound like something cool; and life reflecting and affecting.
There really is nothing to it, you wake up on the day exactly from the 15th year from when you were born and people feel like celebrating. It beats me as to why...but I shouldn't talk...I like the "luxury."

We went out to sushi, got some rentals and ate some strawberry short cake...it was delicious, family quality time and really un-impressive.
Don't know why I'm not kissing the feet my parents stand on...but I'm not and I don't care.
I get home from school from a really "cooleo" day and the first thing Dad says is, "happy birthday."
The second thing, "this weekend you and your sister are weeding the entire perimeter of the(fucking huge!) yard."
He smiles, gives me a hug...expects to appreciate EVERYTHING they give me, with my WHOLE heart...
then ushers us off to go out to eat...
thanks Dad *smiling sarcastically...*
No really, thanks alot.
I don't know what I expected...but I got alot, weither it be kindness, or alot of CAKE...I got alot.
So why am I so disappointed?

I think I am because, I don't know...I think I was expecting a miracle to happen, something so glorious to happen on MY DAY, my SPECIAL day...nothing GLORIOUS happened, and I'm still sitting here, waiting...waiting for something to catch my fall...as I go straight for the ground below me.
Something to tell me, in words that words themselves can not explain, that everything will be okay...that I will finally get the thing that money can never buy...and that money never will:
happiness.
Previous post Next post
Up