Trip Report: Otakon
Today I went to my first convention ever. Otakon. I went with my sister who has requested I leave her out of this entry as much as possible. I told her I'm putting my trip on the internet and she said "please don't mention me, I don't want you talking about me on the internet." Apparently she thinks people actually read the shit I write. Ha-ha that fool. So I'll do my best to not talk about what she did at the convention and focus solely on myself. I don't think that will be a problem; I'm great at focusing on myself. Besides, I did more interesting things than my sister did.
Let me preface this by saying I have mixed feelings about the convention. I used to be big into anime in like 10th grade, to the point where if people would mention watching a show dubbed I'd freak out and be like "maaaaan, you ain't getting the full experience of the show watching that American crap! Why don't you GROW A PAIR and watch the JAPANESE version!?" I thought I was hot shit. Basically I went to this convention about seven years late. Had I gone in 10th grade I would have been in loser heaven. I still occasionally watch anime with friends but I don't really like it, and I only keep up with one series in manga form. I thought it was cool to be in more or less a nerd-farm, where everyone is very passionate about their hobby and I thought all the costumes were neat and what not. But I hated the convention for the same reasons.
It was easy to get there, Baltimore is about an hour drive for me. It was tough to find parking. When my sister and I were walking to the convention I got my first glimpse of trashy fat-girl cooter. We were on our way to the pre-registration entrance and there was a girl wearing a nurse costume that came up to her butt-cheeks, standing at the top of a staircase, and not wearing any underwear. "I have hit the ground running" I thought to myself as I ignored this warning from God and continued into the convention. I decided that I couldn't be the only one to sample this disgusting eye-full, so I tapped my sister on the shoulder and said loudly so other people could hear me, "Yo what the hell is that?" And pointed to the top of the stairs. It was fantastic like 10 people were like "Ew man!" If you're going to go down take some people with you, that is my philosophy.
After I got my badge, I made it my first priority to find the gaming room. I thought that I wouldn't enjoy anything else at the convention. There were multiple rooms for watching different series' but I avoided these like the plague. I may have been interested in a couple of them just to check them out, except for the smell. Smell is made exponentially worse depending on how many greasy and disgusting people are gathered in a single place. For starters, most of the people at this convention smelled like a sack of butt-holes. You couldn't get a whiff of air without it being laced with BO. It was especially bad when one gang of fat reprobates would be rushing to another gang of fat reprobates to show off their new Bible Black DVD. It was like having a bus drive by you only instead of a gush of wind and the smell of exhaust, you got a gush of wind and the smell of farts, BO, semen, and stale Doritos. And like I said earlier, that smell is only multipled when dozens of them gather. If anyone has ever played Aegis Wing for the 360, it is like that. When you link with other ships your weapons do tons more damage and effect larger areas. Same concept.
I found the gaming room, and there were lines at every system. Mostly for playing fighting games that I had no interest in like Soul Calibur 3 and Street Fighter Alpha Aota Beta Kappa 8 or whatever it is up to. There were a couple Smash Brothers and Naruto Fighting Games set up. I like the games, but I didn't want to have to sit next to the people playing them. So I searched for Guitar Hero. When I found it what I got was a bunch of sub-par players being extremely self conscious about how they played. There were four different GH set-ups, and whenever I stood with a guy to play a song he'd preface our game by saying something like "oh no I don't play expert too much" or "this song is fast I think you'll humble me" or "you're going to make me look bad I just play casually." It was sad. It's the sort of shit I used to do when I thought anyone gave a shit how good you were at video games, again, back in 10th grade.
At the last one I got to, there was this one clown playing people on hard and refusing to move until he was beaten. So I waited in line, watching him beat chumps at Mother and Surrender and other piss-ass easy songs. I stepped up, went to the main menus, switched the game to hyper speed, and selected Hanger 18 on expert. Not only did I beat him, but I beat him by 200,000 points with a score of 330,000 and 95% of notes hit. I liked the attention that I got after that from other nerds wanting to shake my hand and everyone asking "holy shit do you play real guitar?!" One guy who was dressed as Naruto came over and said "master, teach me." I drew the line at that sort of cute-joke bullshit. I said, "Shut up goddamn" and walked out of the game room. There is only so much adulation I can handle for something I shouldn't be respected for. I like attention but that was absurd.
After this I decided it was time to get something to eat. Once you leave the game room there is a food caterer set up, and in close proximity is one of the entrances to the convention. Here, people mill around and take pictures with each other/tell gay anime jokes to each other, etc. There was this one gross girl who looked like she weighed 250lbs, wearing a red vinyl witch costume and carrying a GH guitar. I know this is from some anime, obviously, and I think my freshman year in college I saw it once on Adult Swim, but I don't know what it was--the point is it was disgusting and no amount of alcohol could have made it otherwise. She was getting hugs (somehow) and taking pictures, I know this sounds ruthless, but I was genuinely curious why people would want to hug her, it looked as if people were being hugged by a lumpy piece of raw pizza dough. When I tried to walk past her, carrying my soft pretzel and diet coke, she was like "KAWAII HUGS?!" I was unprepared for the attack. I didn't know what to do or say on account of surprise so the Fight or Flight mechanism kicked in. I reacted instinctively. I was like "Agh no!" And took off running towards the escalator waving my pretzel and coke at people in my way. I ran up the left side of it to stay away from her. When I looked back I saw her standing at the bottom of the escalator looking up like a dog who'd just chased a cat up a tree. Once I got to the top of the escalator I felt a bit mean but I forgave myself immediately.
After this I called my sister and told her to meet me in front of the gaming room to decide what to do next. She met me and we shuffled around for a while not really doing anything. A couple of passable people occasionally walked over to us and wanted hugs. We gave them hugs. There was a work-shop in one of the meeting rooms called "Lets Get Social!" So my sister and I decided to check it out. There was this fat goofy black dude standing at the front of the room lecturing a large gang of nerds on how to interact with other people. My sister got bored quickly and decided to leave. I, however, decided to stay. And I am so glad that I did.
This was a discussion on how not to creep people out by being a huge loser, and there were dudes taking notes. There were a total of five girls in the room, and at the conclusion of the discussion, which was more or less just an excuse for this black dude to make all the jokes that have already been made in the past 10 years about how to date, he said "Now go! Interact!" Every guy in the room swarmed to the table of five girls. The only distinct thing I heard before the room disintegrated into loud mumbling was this guy dressed as Naruto ( a trend, as every stupid thing throughout the day seemed to have been said by Naruto cosplayers) approach the most attractive of the girls and say "Greetings female one, I am Brad!" I didn't interact, I just watched. The girls loved the attention. At this point I began to realize that so the reason so many people come to this convention is just to get attention. Or at least I feel that way. Maybe it isn't true, but not once in my time there did I see an actual conversation take place. Just ephemeral greetings, hugs, and occasionally someone would mention why he/she is really unique. No actual connection occurred.
The black guy was walking around the room mingling with people and he got to me just standing on the outskirts watching. A short dialogue ensued:
Fat Black Guy: "Whats the matter, afraid to talk to people?!"
Me: "Oh hey, yeah I am. Probably not for the reasons you think though."
Fat Black Guy: "You're just shy it's ok!"
Me: "Haha Nah I'm afraid if I talk to these people they'll talk back."
Fat Black Guy: "What's your name?"
Ok so at this point I realized he was going to be talking to me whether I wanted him to or not. He probably thought I was lonely or felt excluded or something. I was perfectly content to just watch the fiasco unfold. Anyway I figured I might as well help him get the picture by very obviously lying to him:
Me: "Nathaniel Hawthorne."
Fat Black Guy: "Oh cool cool can I call you Nathan or do you like to be called Nate?"
Me: "Sure whatev I don't really care."
Fat Black Guy: "What do you do for fun?"
Me: "I write books."
Fat Black Guy: "What sort of books?"
Me: "Unrealistic and convoluted romances with feminist undertones."
Fat Black Guy: "Sounds like a lot of fun, I like to watch TV."
Me: "Probably shows that don't acknowledge the potential of women."
This went on for about 10 minutes before I was able to finagle my way out of the conversation and out of the room. He never actually caught on. I thought to myself, "I should have probably said my name was Virginia Woolf...then he could have gotten it!" I met up with my sister who had by this point bought herself some Oni (Japanese demon) horns and was very proud of them. We walked around for a little while longer, because really, there was nothing else to do, and then left.
All in all, I thought it was an ok time. I like being around people, I just hate talking to most of them.
Let me preface this by saying I have mixed feelings about the convention. I used to be big into anime in like 10th grade, to the point where if people would mention watching a show dubbed I'd freak out and be like "maaaaan, you ain't getting the full experience of the show watching that American crap! Why don't you GROW A PAIR and watch the JAPANESE version!?" I thought I was hot shit. Basically I went to this convention about seven years late. Had I gone in 10th grade I would have been in loser heaven. I still occasionally watch anime with friends but I don't really like it, and I only keep up with one series in manga form. I thought it was cool to be in more or less a nerd-farm, where everyone is very passionate about their hobby and I thought all the costumes were neat and what not. But I hated the convention for the same reasons.
It was easy to get there, Baltimore is about an hour drive for me. It was tough to find parking. When my sister and I were walking to the convention I got my first glimpse of trashy fat-girl cooter. We were on our way to the pre-registration entrance and there was a girl wearing a nurse costume that came up to her butt-cheeks, standing at the top of a staircase, and not wearing any underwear. "I have hit the ground running" I thought to myself as I ignored this warning from God and continued into the convention. I decided that I couldn't be the only one to sample this disgusting eye-full, so I tapped my sister on the shoulder and said loudly so other people could hear me, "Yo what the hell is that?" And pointed to the top of the stairs. It was fantastic like 10 people were like "Ew man!" If you're going to go down take some people with you, that is my philosophy.
After I got my badge, I made it my first priority to find the gaming room. I thought that I wouldn't enjoy anything else at the convention. There were multiple rooms for watching different series' but I avoided these like the plague. I may have been interested in a couple of them just to check them out, except for the smell. Smell is made exponentially worse depending on how many greasy and disgusting people are gathered in a single place. For starters, most of the people at this convention smelled like a sack of butt-holes. You couldn't get a whiff of air without it being laced with BO. It was especially bad when one gang of fat reprobates would be rushing to another gang of fat reprobates to show off their new Bible Black DVD. It was like having a bus drive by you only instead of a gush of wind and the smell of exhaust, you got a gush of wind and the smell of farts, BO, semen, and stale Doritos. And like I said earlier, that smell is only multipled when dozens of them gather. If anyone has ever played Aegis Wing for the 360, it is like that. When you link with other ships your weapons do tons more damage and effect larger areas. Same concept.
I found the gaming room, and there were lines at every system. Mostly for playing fighting games that I had no interest in like Soul Calibur 3 and Street Fighter Alpha Aota Beta Kappa 8 or whatever it is up to. There were a couple Smash Brothers and Naruto Fighting Games set up. I like the games, but I didn't want to have to sit next to the people playing them. So I searched for Guitar Hero. When I found it what I got was a bunch of sub-par players being extremely self conscious about how they played. There were four different GH set-ups, and whenever I stood with a guy to play a song he'd preface our game by saying something like "oh no I don't play expert too much" or "this song is fast I think you'll humble me" or "you're going to make me look bad I just play casually." It was sad. It's the sort of shit I used to do when I thought anyone gave a shit how good you were at video games, again, back in 10th grade.
At the last one I got to, there was this one clown playing people on hard and refusing to move until he was beaten. So I waited in line, watching him beat chumps at Mother and Surrender and other piss-ass easy songs. I stepped up, went to the main menus, switched the game to hyper speed, and selected Hanger 18 on expert. Not only did I beat him, but I beat him by 200,000 points with a score of 330,000 and 95% of notes hit. I liked the attention that I got after that from other nerds wanting to shake my hand and everyone asking "holy shit do you play real guitar?!" One guy who was dressed as Naruto came over and said "master, teach me." I drew the line at that sort of cute-joke bullshit. I said, "Shut up goddamn" and walked out of the game room. There is only so much adulation I can handle for something I shouldn't be respected for. I like attention but that was absurd.
After this I decided it was time to get something to eat. Once you leave the game room there is a food caterer set up, and in close proximity is one of the entrances to the convention. Here, people mill around and take pictures with each other/tell gay anime jokes to each other, etc. There was this one gross girl who looked like she weighed 250lbs, wearing a red vinyl witch costume and carrying a GH guitar. I know this is from some anime, obviously, and I think my freshman year in college I saw it once on Adult Swim, but I don't know what it was--the point is it was disgusting and no amount of alcohol could have made it otherwise. She was getting hugs (somehow) and taking pictures, I know this sounds ruthless, but I was genuinely curious why people would want to hug her, it looked as if people were being hugged by a lumpy piece of raw pizza dough. When I tried to walk past her, carrying my soft pretzel and diet coke, she was like "KAWAII HUGS?!" I was unprepared for the attack. I didn't know what to do or say on account of surprise so the Fight or Flight mechanism kicked in. I reacted instinctively. I was like "Agh no!" And took off running towards the escalator waving my pretzel and coke at people in my way. I ran up the left side of it to stay away from her. When I looked back I saw her standing at the bottom of the escalator looking up like a dog who'd just chased a cat up a tree. Once I got to the top of the escalator I felt a bit mean but I forgave myself immediately.
After this I called my sister and told her to meet me in front of the gaming room to decide what to do next. She met me and we shuffled around for a while not really doing anything. A couple of passable people occasionally walked over to us and wanted hugs. We gave them hugs. There was a work-shop in one of the meeting rooms called "Lets Get Social!" So my sister and I decided to check it out. There was this fat goofy black dude standing at the front of the room lecturing a large gang of nerds on how to interact with other people. My sister got bored quickly and decided to leave. I, however, decided to stay. And I am so glad that I did.
This was a discussion on how not to creep people out by being a huge loser, and there were dudes taking notes. There were a total of five girls in the room, and at the conclusion of the discussion, which was more or less just an excuse for this black dude to make all the jokes that have already been made in the past 10 years about how to date, he said "Now go! Interact!" Every guy in the room swarmed to the table of five girls. The only distinct thing I heard before the room disintegrated into loud mumbling was this guy dressed as Naruto ( a trend, as every stupid thing throughout the day seemed to have been said by Naruto cosplayers) approach the most attractive of the girls and say "Greetings female one, I am Brad!" I didn't interact, I just watched. The girls loved the attention. At this point I began to realize that so the reason so many people come to this convention is just to get attention. Or at least I feel that way. Maybe it isn't true, but not once in my time there did I see an actual conversation take place. Just ephemeral greetings, hugs, and occasionally someone would mention why he/she is really unique. No actual connection occurred.
The black guy was walking around the room mingling with people and he got to me just standing on the outskirts watching. A short dialogue ensued:
Fat Black Guy: "Whats the matter, afraid to talk to people?!"
Me: "Oh hey, yeah I am. Probably not for the reasons you think though."
Fat Black Guy: "You're just shy it's ok!"
Me: "Haha Nah I'm afraid if I talk to these people they'll talk back."
Fat Black Guy: "What's your name?"
Ok so at this point I realized he was going to be talking to me whether I wanted him to or not. He probably thought I was lonely or felt excluded or something. I was perfectly content to just watch the fiasco unfold. Anyway I figured I might as well help him get the picture by very obviously lying to him:
Me: "Nathaniel Hawthorne."
Fat Black Guy: "Oh cool cool can I call you Nathan or do you like to be called Nate?"
Me: "Sure whatev I don't really care."
Fat Black Guy: "What do you do for fun?"
Me: "I write books."
Fat Black Guy: "What sort of books?"
Me: "Unrealistic and convoluted romances with feminist undertones."
Fat Black Guy: "Sounds like a lot of fun, I like to watch TV."
Me: "Probably shows that don't acknowledge the potential of women."
This went on for about 10 minutes before I was able to finagle my way out of the conversation and out of the room. He never actually caught on. I thought to myself, "I should have probably said my name was Virginia Woolf...then he could have gotten it!" I met up with my sister who had by this point bought herself some Oni (Japanese demon) horns and was very proud of them. We walked around for a little while longer, because really, there was nothing else to do, and then left.
All in all, I thought it was an ok time. I like being around people, I just hate talking to most of them.