My Night
My car is a piece of shit.
I'm no car enthusiast or even know the first thing about cars, so I'm not saying this from an elitist standpoint--I'm saying it from a practical standpoint. I bought my car in 2003 with my savings from since I was four years old. It is a 1991 Honda Accord. When I got it, the thing only had 57,000 miles on it so I thought I was getting a sweet deal. Man was I wrong.
My car has been falling apart piece by piece since I bought it. Granted several of the instances were not my car's fault. On one occasion my sister drove her car into the side of my car, completely wrecking the passenger side rear-door, and on another, my mom backed our family's truck onto the hood of my car. Every time my family wrecks my car the damage seems to increase. I suppose my dad will drive a go-kart with C4 strapped to it into my bumper?
Outside of the family, I had a window punched out when I left it overnight at a Pep Boys to get a CD player installed. Also one time a dude coping with road rage sped in front of me and stopped his truck in the road, forcing me to stop, then a couple rednecks got out and punched out my driver-side window with me in the car. In his defense whenever people see my face up close they just get the urge to punch it. I have a very punchable face. You know how sometimes you're so horny you just NEED to get it on? It's like that only with punches to my face.
I've had to replace the tires twice, my clutch gave out. I've had to replace both head-lamps. An oil gasket on my engine broke, and my radiator blew up. I've had to replace the battery, and the ignition failed at one point as well. All things told I've put a lot into this car.
Well tonight I was driving home along the freeway. I take the exit to go into a town near my house. I hear a clinking coming from my car. My first thought was that one of my tires fucked up again, as seems to be the norm for my retarded car. I check all my tires, they're all fine. "What the..." I think. Then I see it: my muffler. Detailed description aside, my muffler fell off and twisted around backwards.
I called my parents because I didn't know how bad this was or what I should do. My dad says "just rip it off or tie it up." I had no rope, but a dude at the gas-station did. He pulls a rope out of his horse-trailer and gives it to me. The rope was coated in horse-shit. So I took my shit-covered rope and tie up my muffler. Then I went inside the gas-station to wash my shit-covered hands off.
On my way out of the gas-station this girl that couldn't have been any older than 16 runs after me. "What is your name," she asks me. I told her my name and she said "That is such a cute name! Can I borrow just a eensy weensy amount of change?" Such a genuine compliment followed by a heart-felt request, what was I to say. I inquired what for. She said "Cigarettes." Now I have nothing against smokers, whatever they want to do is fine with me. But this girl was obviously a minor. Everything about her said "high school." I asked her "How old are you, 16?" She said "No way man I'm 18 I swear." I wish I'd of been thinking pop-culturally and used a House M.D. quote on her, like, "if you're going to lie about your age, go big, go 21."
Truth be told I probably would have given her some change if I had any, but I didn't. So I said no. Sorry no punchline.
Drove home, cut my muffler off, treated myself to a piece of cheesecake, and here I am. Goodnight dudes.
I'm no car enthusiast or even know the first thing about cars, so I'm not saying this from an elitist standpoint--I'm saying it from a practical standpoint. I bought my car in 2003 with my savings from since I was four years old. It is a 1991 Honda Accord. When I got it, the thing only had 57,000 miles on it so I thought I was getting a sweet deal. Man was I wrong.
My car has been falling apart piece by piece since I bought it. Granted several of the instances were not my car's fault. On one occasion my sister drove her car into the side of my car, completely wrecking the passenger side rear-door, and on another, my mom backed our family's truck onto the hood of my car. Every time my family wrecks my car the damage seems to increase. I suppose my dad will drive a go-kart with C4 strapped to it into my bumper?
Outside of the family, I had a window punched out when I left it overnight at a Pep Boys to get a CD player installed. Also one time a dude coping with road rage sped in front of me and stopped his truck in the road, forcing me to stop, then a couple rednecks got out and punched out my driver-side window with me in the car. In his defense whenever people see my face up close they just get the urge to punch it. I have a very punchable face. You know how sometimes you're so horny you just NEED to get it on? It's like that only with punches to my face.
I've had to replace the tires twice, my clutch gave out. I've had to replace both head-lamps. An oil gasket on my engine broke, and my radiator blew up. I've had to replace the battery, and the ignition failed at one point as well. All things told I've put a lot into this car.
Well tonight I was driving home along the freeway. I take the exit to go into a town near my house. I hear a clinking coming from my car. My first thought was that one of my tires fucked up again, as seems to be the norm for my retarded car. I check all my tires, they're all fine. "What the..." I think. Then I see it: my muffler. Detailed description aside, my muffler fell off and twisted around backwards.
I called my parents because I didn't know how bad this was or what I should do. My dad says "just rip it off or tie it up." I had no rope, but a dude at the gas-station did. He pulls a rope out of his horse-trailer and gives it to me. The rope was coated in horse-shit. So I took my shit-covered rope and tie up my muffler. Then I went inside the gas-station to wash my shit-covered hands off.
On my way out of the gas-station this girl that couldn't have been any older than 16 runs after me. "What is your name," she asks me. I told her my name and she said "That is such a cute name! Can I borrow just a eensy weensy amount of change?" Such a genuine compliment followed by a heart-felt request, what was I to say. I inquired what for. She said "Cigarettes." Now I have nothing against smokers, whatever they want to do is fine with me. But this girl was obviously a minor. Everything about her said "high school." I asked her "How old are you, 16?" She said "No way man I'm 18 I swear." I wish I'd of been thinking pop-culturally and used a House M.D. quote on her, like, "if you're going to lie about your age, go big, go 21."
Truth be told I probably would have given her some change if I had any, but I didn't. So I said no. Sorry no punchline.
Drove home, cut my muffler off, treated myself to a piece of cheesecake, and here I am. Goodnight dudes.