(no subject)
I can't sleep.
I've been eating like crazy,
and then I suddenly stopped.
My tummy feels like it wants to stab my heart.
I feel like my hearts already been stabbed,
but I can't even see the tool that did it.
I've fallen deep into a stereotype that I've always wanted to stay away from.
I find it hard to look in the mirror.
I'm occupying my time with things I never used to do,
like just smoking,
and focusing on that one simple task,
or sudoku,
spending hours on it.
I'm even trying to memorize songs on my keyboard.
What for, I wonder?
To impress?
To take up time?
Or to feel like I'm not a failure at every little endeavor I attempt?
Maybe all three.
Trying to stretch my vocal ranch,
going up into high falsettos without even checking if the door is open or closed.
Is this all a result of boredom?
Depression?
Both?
Who can say, really?
I've heard that going on a water fast helps to cleanse the mind.
I'm gonna try it.
Start with juices,
then start to water them down,
then get down to pure water for, like, two days,
then go back up to the watered down juices,
then the regular juice,
then easily digestible foods.
Nothing better to do.
I've been eating like crazy,
and then I suddenly stopped.
My tummy feels like it wants to stab my heart.
I feel like my hearts already been stabbed,
but I can't even see the tool that did it.
I've fallen deep into a stereotype that I've always wanted to stay away from.
I find it hard to look in the mirror.
I'm occupying my time with things I never used to do,
like just smoking,
and focusing on that one simple task,
or sudoku,
spending hours on it.
I'm even trying to memorize songs on my keyboard.
What for, I wonder?
To impress?
To take up time?
Or to feel like I'm not a failure at every little endeavor I attempt?
Maybe all three.
Trying to stretch my vocal ranch,
going up into high falsettos without even checking if the door is open or closed.
Is this all a result of boredom?
Depression?
Both?
Who can say, really?
I've heard that going on a water fast helps to cleanse the mind.
I'm gonna try it.
Start with juices,
then start to water them down,
then get down to pure water for, like, two days,
then go back up to the watered down juices,
then the regular juice,
then easily digestible foods.
Nothing better to do.