(no subject)
Today my dad yelled at me the way he use to yell when we fought.
The same yelling that lead me to binge eat, and to seek food as comfort. The same yelling that blamed me for everything, and drove me to shield my feelings and thoughts away from everyone who loved me. The same yelling that kicked my self esteem so low to the ground that I forgot how to have fun and eventually stopped hanging with my closest friends. The same yelling that made me hate not only him, but myself as well. The same yelling that made clear that he never wanted me around or in his life, so he kicked me out. You know… that type of yelling.
But you know what? I have grown over the past summer, and the three months I have been at Auburn. I have learned what it is like to forgive… seriously. (It was my New Year’s Resolution.) So when he started yelling at me for absolutely no reason, getting on to me about nothing, and blaming me for things that had no relevance, I just paused, told my dad that he was out of line, and asked him what was wrong.
I know, I know, you don’t believe me. But really, I did it! Later he called me twice to apologize. He told me he was stress out and that I called on a bad day, and all I said was that he shouldn’t let his anger out on me. Then I forgave him. It was amazing! I didn’t back talk or offend him in any way, and after I got off the phone I didn’t even eat for comfort. Instead called Stephanie, watched Oprah w/ Sarah, and the ran two miles without stopping.
I know it might be a little to soon to say this but I think I’m starting to make a little head way with my stress/frustration/depression. (knock on wood) But really, maybe one day soon I’ll be truly happy again and laugh like I once did.
You never know... miracles do happen every day. :o)
The same yelling that lead me to binge eat, and to seek food as comfort. The same yelling that blamed me for everything, and drove me to shield my feelings and thoughts away from everyone who loved me. The same yelling that kicked my self esteem so low to the ground that I forgot how to have fun and eventually stopped hanging with my closest friends. The same yelling that made me hate not only him, but myself as well. The same yelling that made clear that he never wanted me around or in his life, so he kicked me out. You know… that type of yelling.
But you know what? I have grown over the past summer, and the three months I have been at Auburn. I have learned what it is like to forgive… seriously. (It was my New Year’s Resolution.) So when he started yelling at me for absolutely no reason, getting on to me about nothing, and blaming me for things that had no relevance, I just paused, told my dad that he was out of line, and asked him what was wrong.
I know, I know, you don’t believe me. But really, I did it! Later he called me twice to apologize. He told me he was stress out and that I called on a bad day, and all I said was that he shouldn’t let his anger out on me. Then I forgave him. It was amazing! I didn’t back talk or offend him in any way, and after I got off the phone I didn’t even eat for comfort. Instead called Stephanie, watched Oprah w/ Sarah, and the ran two miles without stopping.
I know it might be a little to soon to say this but I think I’m starting to make a little head way with my stress/frustration/depression. (knock on wood) But really, maybe one day soon I’ll be truly happy again and laugh like I once did.
You never know... miracles do happen every day. :o)