Two days...
Before my twenty-fifth birthday and I feel very empty. Then again, this emptiness isn't my fault but the guilt of someone else. I let her step on me, in the worse kind of way and now, even though I have my fiance; the best guy I've ever been with, I feel alone.
I wrote her an e-mail and I don't know if she read it. I kind of said something that well should have been phrased differently. Is not that I don't want to see her at the park. I mean it is a huge park. But the part of the park where I work? That's where I don't want to see her. Is just a small wish that I know will not happen. I just know that if she does shows up at my workplace I will feel completely uncomfortable.
I mean... if I was to go to her place of work I bet she would feel uncomfortable after all the stuff that has happened between us. That's why I haven't been to that groceries store since this all happened. I think, she should understand that the same would be for me if she shows up at my place of work.
But is whatever; both places are public places and this is only between me and her. We all know that I could go to her job or she could go to mine and we could not see each other. Not because I want it that way - and so does she, but because there are far more other people in the world and because I know we both don't want to see each other.
Well, I hope she reads the e-mail. I think I will post a copy of it here.
Just so you know that was a temporary delete. To be honest I did wrote something about one of the last entries you wrote that fucking hurt me like a bitch. I can't believe you regret the fact that I have been your friend. How could you say that about me in your fucking journal you bitch? All the shit that you say and I know you will say about me I will make sure it bites you in the fucking ass. I've been hoping from time to time for us to become friends again. Some clean slate, you know but with the hurtful shit I've been hearing lately SPECIALLY THE LAST ENTRY and the one where you practically regretted the fact that I was the maid of honor at your wedding you practically made me change my fucking mind. I am practically sick to my goddamned stomach as I type. One thing I ask; I DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOU EVER AT UNIVERSAL STUDIOS IOA WHERE I STILL WORK. Just so you know, I have been promoted and not only that, I have been proposed to. Yeah, me and Andrew are practically engaged. All I am waiting for is the ring which he is saving for. But seriously, if this bullshit is going to keep going between us, don't you EVER show up at my job cause all that will do is make me either break something or breakdown. And.... THANKS FOR RUINING MY BIRTHDAY WEEKEND!
And another thing; my mother, father and even my fiance are absolutely rignt. After she got married, she did changed, and NOT into a better person; but into a BITTER person.
And just for the record, I AM NOT A TOXIC FRIEND/GIRLFRIEND/PERSON!!!! That actually hurt me even more from the mouth of some chick that left a comment on my ex best friend's journal than the shit my ex best friend has said lately. Well, is 50/50. Both have actually hurt me equally.
Okay, ENOUGH! I am not going to let a party pooper like my ex best friend ruin another birthday for me... because yeah, last year it started all good but her drama at Wonder Works DID ruined my day. And yet, she ruined her own birthday celebration by treating my fiance and me like garbage. Thus you all know I am talking about the celebration I threw for her birthday.
I want to keep this journal open; I don't want to delete it, but everytime I come on here is to write about how hurt I've been by my ex best friend's words. It is so not fair to be going through this. Believe me, I fucking miss the girl and her husband. He was like a little brother to me. But now? I don't even know if we could start again; not from where we left off but a new start on all of this. Now only with me but with my fiance too. I mean now that I am engaged, I also come in two.
I really hope that she reads this entry and not just that, but that she comments on it. Even if it is to say something a bit hurtful or to say whatever she wants to say, is enough for me. I think I will email her a link to this entry.