(no subject)
Be prepared for another entry having to do with the same thing that it has dealt with for the past week!
Okay, so I'm sitting there thinking about all my depression outbreaks and then i go back in my livejournal and look at the last time i wrote about something like that.... Turns out it was October 12. I know that it doesn't mean much to anyone else, but somehow it is to me.....
Jay and I broke up like that sunday or something like that. Maybe I got all upset because I knew it was going to happen. Yea, I know its like gay to think that but can it be possible. I have a weird feeling that is it. Wow, does that mean that I can like predict when something bad is going to happen?.... That would be some sort of freaky-ness.
I don't know... I need to be all mushy for a while.....
I miss it. I miss that fact that like to weeks ago I had someone holding me tight. Someone that like... I don't know. I just miss it all. I mean when I was with him... I felt warm. I could have fallen asleep in his arms, and I almost did more than once. I don't know there was something different about him than anyone else. I miss it... I miss him. =(
Sorry, I needed to get that out.... and I'm glad I did.
I feel like I'm going to cry...... I feel really Emo.
It hurts.... Everytime I see him... I know that I said that before but its how I feel. I try to ignore him but when hes there I really want him to come over and say something. I mean I want to know that he knows that I still exist..... But to him I proably don't.
I kind of want to print this out and then hand it to him to let him know what I'm going through but I don't. I don't want to seem that I'm a loser with no life that is revolving everything around this whole mess. Even thought I am.
Oh yea. I didn't tell you people what happened yesterday. He gets online and we just started talking about nothing important. And then we started talking about like this whole thing about there being another reason why we broke up. He told me that there was and that he just didn't know how to say it. Then he goes on to say that he didn't know whether he wanted a girlfriend until he actually sat there and thought about it. And then he said that hes not one of those guys that is seen with a girlfriend and that he'll go to a party, hook up with someone, start to like them, but never go out with them. This made me thing that he was maybe using me. But I didn't think about that to much extent. I'm trying to prevent myself from any more pain.
So I went outside to watch this Lunar Eclipse thing. It was cool to look at. So then I just randomly sat on the ground and started thinking. I don't know what i was thinking about exactlly but I was just thinking. It was wierdness. It made we want to be in his arms again. FUCK!.. Why does everything go back to him... Damn, I need to get a life....
I'm going to go before you people get bored with the same shit again.....
Leave Some!
<33Elle*
I still love him =(